I have a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Capella University and an undergraduate in Psychology from Rutgers University. I am currently writing a book about relationships, self-esteem and communication problems. I have answered questions on EVERY topic..NOTHING is too "weird" for me to answer. The juicier, the better. I am a former model who decided I could do more good in the world if I became a part of the solution. I am open and check my email daily. ASK AWAY!!!
E-mail: open4advice@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: New Jersey
Occupation: Counselor/Therapist/Educator
Age: 32
Member Since: November 1, 2005
Answers: 26
Last Update: November 8, 2005
Visitors: 3317
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I basically just want to know what people think about this and whether I'm the one with the problem! Last night my male housemate asked me if i wanted to watch a film so i agreed even though it was about 11.30pm as i couldn't think of anything else to do. I started falling asleep in front of it and then waking up and not understanding what was going on so i decided to go to bed and i told him that. So he started saying how the evening had started off really well and now it had been spoilt and how i had agreed to watch it with him and i was breaking my promise. He kept sighing and just acting really unreasonably and going really quiet and pissed off. So i just went upstairs and told my other female housemate that i was not going to be made to feel guilty about not watching a film because its ridiculous. So he came upstairs and started yelling at me so i yelled back and it got totally out of control especially as all this is over a film!! So then he said that no one had ever upset him to this extent before and how he used to feel comfortable living in the house and now he won't anymore. Then i decided to go and talk to him because i dont like going to bed in the middle of an argument. He was just like don't worry i forgive you. So now its my fault!! WTF?? then he went and stayed at his friends house because he didnt want to sleep in the house cos of what happened. Does anyone else think this is strange? Or is it all my fault as he seems to think? I know maybe i shouldnt have yelled back but it really upset me! Thanks guys. (link)
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It sounds to me like he has feelings for you and doesn't know how to go about it. Watching the movie together might have been his way of trying to get close to you, to gauge your responses to him in a quiet setting or maybe he had other things on his mind and it didn't turn out the way he must have envisioned it would when he put the plan together. Why didn't he ask your other roommate to watch the movie as well if it was just an innocent thing?? He may tell you that he has no feelings for you but, in order to react that way to a film and someone who is JUST YOUR FRIEND falling asleep on it means that he either is confused about his feelings or that this must have been some GREAT film that he must have been starring in or something. Be careful for his overreaction was truely, (sorry for this) a 'girlie" way to react. Have you and he ever had any intimate moments?? Has he ever flirted with you or mistook any actions from you towards him as flirting, even if you didn't mean it as such?? Has he ever made a comment to the affect of you being a flirt?? To go to the extreme of not sleeping in a house that he is paying a portion of the rent on is out of control. Married people who may have had an extreme fight may decide not to sleep in the same house, not roomates who watch movies together. He also asked you to watch a movie at 11:30p.m...isn't that alittle late to start a movie if all you wanted to do was watch it?? Did he have to get it back to the video store by 8:00 a.m. or else?? That was very mature of you to try to put the situation to rest before retiring for the evening but when he said "Oh, I forgive you" and then left, makes me feel as if he may try to use the "hurt feelings" routine later on down the line with you to his advantage. Making you feel uncomfortable may, in his mind, bring you closer to being nicer to him later on. I may be totlally off base with this, but I am willing to bet that I'm not. Let me know how it all turns out!!!
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Does anyone know of any movies that have dancing in them?
I need hip hop or straight up street dancing movies.
Apart from Honey and You Got Served. (link)
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There is a video out by the guy who played Lem on the Showtime series "Soul Food". His name is Darrin Dewitt Henson. He is a professional dancer and has done videosformany stars out there. The commercial wason T.V. I believe it was calledDance Grooves and if you googlehis name I believe you will be able to find it. Also, if you have an L.A. Fitness in your area, I know that many of them have aa hip-hop dancing class that helps control weight while teaching the class how to do the moves. You put the routine together to music. If I find any more, I will let you know.
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There is no harsh way to give advice it only sounds harsh b/c it is the truth. I was just talking today about it and I even said he hasnt had the chance to miss anything b/c i see and talk tohim off and on--but thats b/c i am being selfish and putting my feelings first i have to head back to work i will get back to you thanks again (link)
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No problem. I am here to help. Keep the faith, Girl and if you ever need to talk,I am always here!! It will get better...TRUST ME!!!!
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This is a bit of a hot-button topic and I want everyone to know that I understand extreme responses, but I am asking here in the spirit of recieving support and suggestions. I'm interested in the practicalities of your opinions, here, not simply upon recieving judgement. PLEASE show some compassion and kindness.
So here's the deal: Next week I'm taking a plane flight to Scotland to marry my partner of 6 years. We have a very strong relationship. However, I feel I have very little on the level of practical support to offer in the relationship -- such as a finished education, a job, general income, etc. This relationship is my priority at all times and I will not compromise it for anything.
Recently, I was looking through job offers in a local paper and found an ad for escorts, offering daily cash, a safe environment, and training. According to the person running this service, an escort can make $10,000 a week -- with such an income, I could not only prepare MYSELF for travel, but I could help my incapacitated father a $1000 root canal on his last working tooth (his densures don't work for chewing), I could pay off ALL my college debts, and I could move on with my life.
However, I know that there are many negative aspects to consider in the world of escorting: disease, stigma, relationship integrity, and legality, as well as personal spiritual health & self-image.
If I lived in a world that had none of the above negative factors, I'd be all over the opportunity! Unfortunately, such a world doesn't exist, and I'm here asking you for alternate ideas, suggestions, anything really.
I'm stuck between my debts, my desire to contribute & not be dependent, my sense of responsibility, my feelings of inadequacy and desperation, and a general feeling that escorting is not something I should do, due to the risks. Help? (link)
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My husband makes a lot of money a year, enough to where he bought me a house for Christmas, diamonds and the like BUT I AMJUST A SCHOOL TEACHER and COUNSLEOR who doens't make nearly...NEARLY as much as he makes. He and I have had this discussion before with him and here is his answqer. He loves me for me,things take time and patience and one day I will be able to contribute more but HE KNEW WHAT I WAS AND WHAT I HAD BEFORE HE MARRIED ME and it didn't matter. He wanted me...not what I could give monetarily. I mean, he is glad I have a job but he knows I am not bringing in the kind of money he is. I had an offer to dowhat you are planning to do a long time agao (like 7 years ago) but they wanted me to run the house. They were going to buy the house, have me live in it, let it be in my name and all I had to do was teach the girls how to be sexy and let them use the house ford ates. The money seemed good..GREAT but something inside said it was wrong...just didn't feel right.Not just because of the stigma of being in a job like that..just wrong inside. If I really wanted to do it, I wouldn't have had to think about it or ask my friends advice, I would have just did it. Look at the reason you are asking for advice, you feel it is not right somewhere within you as well. If you felt it was okay and wouldn't jeopardize your future with your partner, you would have just did it without asking anyone anything. Also, think of it in the other direction..you know the love you have for your partener and wouldn't want them to not only sleep with other people for money (and come home to you) but also risk their safety in the process(from arrests to psychos doing things to your loved one). You wouldn't want your loved one to feel this type of pressure inside just because of some preconceived notion that they may have about having to contribute more in order to make you happier or feel like they were less of a burden to you. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and know that they are marrying you for LOVE not your charitable contributions. Love..Sweetheart..LOVE.
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I have been dating this man for almost 2 yrs. We met on the internet and he was just getting out of a bad divorce. We were dating for almost 3 months and he left me. He said its not me its him and he had some things to clear out of his head. I was broken hearted but I understood. 2 weeks later we got back together and 2 weeks later he left-still confused-i still understood. 3 months passed and i missed him so and we started talking again-we got back together. He sold his house and moved in with me and my 2 children. He has also has a son. Things were very good and in April he asked me to marry him-of course i accepted. Ii was planning the weeding for 2007 and he moved it up to 2006. I was ecstatic so i was planning our wedding. There were times when we argued and yes i take blame for some of them. The last argument we had was b/c of the internet and things i found him going on. Well he kept saying it wasnt him and he did not look that stuff up-cookies did it--whatever. Well things escalated from there and one day he said he cant do this any more its not me its him,he doesnt want to be engaged or get married or be with anyone and he left. I was never engaged before so of course i will be all excited. He was married for 10 yrs and yes its scary for him,but why did he leave? The week he left he got distant from me and i knew something was wrong but i didnt think he was going to leave for a 3rd time. He moved up to his parents like 10 minutes from my house. I still talk to him and off and on he comes over. I miss him so much and ask him to come home--but he says its not that easy it was hard to leave he cant just come back.I understand that kind of but if he loves me why is he not coming back? what does he need to think about? I miss him so much but he wont tell me he misses me unless i ask-or he wont tell me he loves me-sometimes he does when i say it other times he says "I know". I am so confused and i know i need to let him go and let him be but it is so hard. What do I do?He knows i want him to come home,he knows i love him,he klnows we can move as slow as we need to we dont need to rush,but yet he wont come back. What can I do? Please help.
thank you
27yr old female (link)
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A man will do to you whatever you allow him to. He knows it is easy for him to come and go whenver he pleases for you gave him the excuse to when you took him back all those times. I don't mean to be harsh (but I am the TRUE Advice Diva and I would rather tell you the truth than have you just be blind). He knows all of the things you told him-"we can take it slow", "I want him to come home", "I love him"..etc but yet you ask why he is not coming home to you?? The answer is that HE NEVER LOST OR LEFT YOU so he doesn't know how to be orwhat it would truely be like to be without you. I mean it this way, he can still have you on his own basis when he wants to WITHOUT having the heavy commitment he knows you want. He can tell you the excuses that seem logical to you based on his recent break-up and he knows you will accept them. I have been through this before myself and I wondered WHY!!!I am a great catch, I love this man,I give him everything and yet and still he leaves me, he hurts me and I am alone again. You have to stand up for yourself and above all, respect yourself. Maybe this is God's way(or your higher power) telling you that he is not the one. He has baggage that he has never"unpacked" from his last relationship. With you it was a "new climate" but he still had the same "baggage" he packed from his last relationship or "trip". TRUST ME..when you LEAST expect it, and you are NOT looking for it, your prince will come. I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary this past July and I went through the same things you are going through now. It will be okay, but YOU are the only one who can make it that way. Concentrate on the things that make YOU happy, thethings you want to accomplish in YOUR life aside from marriage. NO ONE CAN LOVE YOU BETTER THAN YOU CAN LOVE YOURSELF.
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okay... so my brother always swears at me and calls me fat and ugly and stuff... and he hits, punches, kicks, etc. me all the time. not enough to leave a bruise or anything (occasionally) but i'm not sure if this is considered abuse? also, my mom (my mom doesn't do it a LOT) and my sister both always tell me i'm stupid, ugly, fat, (same as my brother) but they don't hit me unless they're really mad... do you consider this abuse? (link)
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Abuse can come in not just the physical form, it can also be mental. Question for you- Who started being abusive to you first, your mother or brother? The reason I ask that is that many times, other children take their cue on how to treat others by what they witness and if your brother started being abusive to you after he witnessed your mother doing it,then he may be doing this because your mother's actions are telling him it's okay. In my opinion, this is abuse and this type of abuse will eventually (if it hasn't already) color your views as to how you see and feel about yourself. What are the good points about you that YOU feel make you special and worthwhile?? Is there anyone else you can live with that may see this abuse and want to help you? Also, I have experienced abuse from people when they actually felt insecure about themselves and beating up on me and making me feel worhtless built them up in a sick, twisted way. Again, this is abuse, abuse isn't just physical and please try to get help by either telling someone at school, another family member, or the local authorities. Sometimes, abuse goes too far and it may be recognized, unfortunatley when it is too late. A record needs to be kept of your hardships, just in case it needs to be used later.
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