about

You know, I never liked filling these out. Mostly because I don't know who I am. I don't know if I'm smart or funny, I don't know if I'm pretty or a complete lunatic. So I can't tell you anything about me without the risk of lying, and I don't lie. So, instead of trying to fit each little aspect of my personality the way I see it into this little space. I'm here to be a shoulder to lean on, someone to vent to, a friend who you can always count on. So, I'll give you the best advice I can, and if it goes against ANY of your values, PLEASE don't listen. If it's complete crap, tell me, and I won't give it again. Otherwise, please rate me so I know how to do better in the future.
*Carrie

advice

I seem to be expieriencing

ey,

Sounds like the way I feel. Is it a big deal? Well, do you feel like it is? If you think it is something that you can get through, than try a trick my friend told me about: Write a list with all of your Pros and Cons, then, rip off the Cons side, tear it to peices, and post the Pros side on your wall, ceiling, or locker.

If you feel like it is a big deal, then you really should do something to get help. I have been in therapy for a while and it does help. Try telling a sibling, or the parent you feel the most comfortable with, and they can help you tell the others.

I hope this helps, good luck, and please inform me about how everything goes.
*Carrie

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14 female (sry if its confusing)

1)ex boyfriend now after 9 months
2)has a new girlfriend who i hate (not the issue)
3)somtimes we talk now.. he said that he misses me.. but he's like a lunitic and isnt good for me
4)i still love him, but he's not right for me at all.. all my friends hate him
5)today he told me to stop talking to him..(but i dno if he really means it cuz he still mite have feelings for me)
6) but he blocked me, and won't talk to me

Should i try to move on ?what do i do(i rate high)

OK, here goes...

1) You've been broken up for NINE MONTHS!!! He's probably moved on.
2) He has a new girlfriend....he's DEFINETElY moved on.
3) He's a lunatic? Then why do you still like him?
4) You still love him, but he's a lunatic and your friends hate him. Which one is more important, a boyfriend or your friends?
5) If he told you to stop talking to him, how could that POSSIBLY mean he still likes you?
6) He blocked you. Well, further proof that he has moved on, and probably hates you.

To answer your question. YES! MOVE ON!
*Carrie

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hi. erf.. i cut myself and i wanted to know if there is any thing to make u stop/get ur mind off of it?? i heard that snapping rubberbands help.. but it isn't working.. help

Wow, tough.

Yeah, I would try the rubberband snaping trick, or, you can always:

Deep breathing.

Relaxation techniques.

Call a friend, your therapist or a crisis line.

Try not be be alone (visit a friend, go shopping, etc.)

Take a hot bath.

Listen to music (soothing perhaps- Papa Roach or the Manics might not be a good idea!)

Go for a walk (Seems to be especially good for some when it's raining?!?)

Write in a journal

Write poetry- it'll be dark, but it'll be raw emotional, and that's good - it's a less harmful way of releasing things.

Wear an elastic around wrist and snap it when you have the urge to harm yourself.

If you tend to have decent runs of not SI-ing, then fail and do it, do a tally. Write 'days I self injured' in one colomn, and 'days I didn't' in the other. At the end of every day, draw a line in either colomn, depending on if you self injured or not that day. Over time, those tallys in the 'didn't SI' box will grow, making you feel better.

Some people find it helpful to draw red lines on themselves with washable markers instead of cutting themselves.

Hold ice cubes in your hands - the cold causes pain in your hands, but it is not dangerous or harmful (some people find it relieves the urge to harm themselves for that moment).

Punching a bed or a pillow (when nothing but a physical outlet for your anger and frustration will work), or any kind of sport- even if it's just pressups and situps in your own room- burns away the energy to harm.

Meditation (AKA self hypnotism if you want to call it that)

* Type One- Just sit down comfortably, eyes closed and take long, slow breaths - concentrating on the breath itself as it goes in and out and nothing else. After even eight or nine breaths, as long as you keep them slow, you can feel more relaxed. The more the better!
* Type Two- sit down comfortably, eyes closed and repeat to yourself a word which indicates something you want to have that you don't (emotions wise) or a state you want to be in- like 'happiness. happiness, happiness' or 'confidence, confidence, confidence'. The idea is that in time, you 'fool yourself' that you HAVE these things, and in doing so you DO have them because it's YOU that gives them to you in the first place!!

Scratch draw a picture on a thick piece of wood or use a screw driver and stab at the piece of wood. (can be another physical way to release your emotions without harming yourself.) If you don't think you can 'trust yourself' with a screwdriver please avoid this alternative.

Avoid temptation (i.e. avoiding the area in shops/ home where the razor blades are kept, etc.)

Try to find your own creative ways as outlets for emotions - writing, drawing, painting, etc.

Learn to confront others/making your own feelings known instead of keeping them inside, but pick your trustees carefully!

Go outside and scream and yell.

Take up a sport (a form of exercise can help you release tension, etc. - it doesn't have to be at a club or gym if you don't want; sport's sport wheverer and whenever you do it.)

Work with paint, clay, play-dough, etc. (the person who suggested this mentioned that they would make a big sculpture and do whatever they wanted to it. They said it was helpful to calm the urge to self-injure, plus it gave them some idea of what might be underlying the pain.

Draw a picture of what or who is making you angry.

Write a letter to the person who's making you feel this way (if there is one)- you don't ever have to send it; it may be best to burn it afterwards, but just writing it down helps work stuff out.

Instead of harming yourself, try massaging the area you want to harm with massage oils or creams, reminding yourself that you are special and you deserve to treat yourself and your body with love and respect.

Go to church or your place of worship- not necissarily an 'established' place of worship- the natural world, for example, is pretty spiritual- parks or a lake.

Wear a pipe cleaner or something that will fit on the places that you injure. One person did this as a way to remind herself that she could call someone instead of hurting herself and that she had other ways to cope.

Break, bury or throw away the object that you use to self-injure as a way to show that you have control over it.

Do some household chores (i.e. cleaning).

Do some cooking.

Try some sewing, crossstitch, etc.

Recite a poem, prayer or anything else familiar the comforts you, multiple times.

Write down all your positive points and why you do not deserve to be hurt. Keep it to refer to in the future.

Write in your journal why you want to hurt yourself and if you have hurt yourself, write down what caused it to happen so in the future you can prevent it from happenings - or find out what your triggers were.

Play some kind of musical instrument. Even if you don't really know how to play, picking out tunes is a way to concentrate and help get rid of the urge to harm yourself.

Yoga.

Allow yourself to cry. Getting the tears out can make you feel better. It allows the inside to release, as opposed to self abuse. Picture your "ickies" pouring out as you cry.

Take a shower.

Write down a word best associated with what you are feeling (i.e. horrible, sad, lonely, angry) and continue to write it down, over and over. Sometimes when you do that, the words looks silly etc., and it puts humour or a smile in your life.

Sing a song on what you are feeling. It's another way to get it outside. Shout if you feel, etc. Let the words just come to you.

Scribble on paper. Clutch the pen in your fist. It's a way to diffuse your emotions on to paper. (Get a few sheets so they don't tear.)

Take item you are self injurying with and use it against something else. For example, if you are using a razor blade, rip it across a towel. Sometimes seeing what "can" be done to an object can make a person think twice about using it on themselves. Can also give the feeling of "doing it"...the tangible aspect.

Make a list of reasons why you are going to stop cutting.

Tell yourself that you can't cut for another 5 minutes. If you make it 5 minutes then I tell yourself to wait another 5 minutes. Sometimes you might no longer feel like cutting after only 5 minutes.

Every time you get the urge, read the list to remind yourself why you shouldn't.

Also remember to put on that list that you do not deserve to hurt yourself. You are important and special and you do not deserve to be hurt.

Hit a punchbag - punchbags are goooood - or stree sponges.

Keep dangerous things out of your house/apartment.

Make a list of friends you can call. I do not do this because I do not have local friends that I can call. BUT, I know many people who find this list of friends to contact extremely helpful, even if they don't actually call anyone. Or make a list of helpline numbers in your area.

Focus on what is real and around you right then. There is no such thing as the past or the future- only the now!

Give yourself rewards, even if they're stupid, mundane little things like watching a TV show you like or eating a food you like - and indulge yourself in these things when you feel bad - makes you remember there are good things in life, however small.

Be aware of the world- say to yourself what you see. ie. The couch is green. The light is on. I can feel my shoe pinching my foot. This can sometimes be enough to ground you.

Make a contract with someone you care about and who cares about you. You don't have to 'know' them in the real world - internet friends are fine. Make sure you try to get in touch with them when you feel unsafe. (But of course don't get extra depressed, with internet friends, if they aren't around because they aren't online - that's why having phone numbers is better.)

Create an internal safe place where you can go. In a time when you feel safe and secure, create a room or a garden or any safe area inside yourself where you can retreat to and get away from external stresses. Add as many details as you can to make it real for you.

Get a warm drink and curl up in a warm place with a stuffed animal. Buy yourself a special stuffed toy if you do not already have one. Make yourself some tea or hot chocolate (or even coffee if the caffeine doesn't bother you) and curl up under a nice warm comforter or blanket with lots of pillows.

Put on a (happy) movie.

Post at a self injury bullitin board on the web. (Be careful to avoid triggery posts, but talk to people- it's totally anonymous, so just type how you feel- you might find some people who know what you're going through.)

Have a bath and finger paint with ketchup.

Try not to be to hard on yourself for feeling this way. Try not to beat yourself up inside by calling yourself names or expecting yourself to just "not feel this way" or to "snap out of it." This internal namecalling and self-verbal abuse will only make you feel worse.

Tell yourself how you feel now will not last forever. It is hard to remember that while you are in the midst of these feelings, but EVERYTHING changes. Just focus on you and what you need to do to get through these feelings as safely as you can.

Use a toothbrush instead of a razor.

Try something physical and violent, something not directed at a living thing, such as;

* Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock.
* Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at. Cut and tear it instead of yourself.
* Flatten aluminum cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go.
* Use a pillow to hit a wall, pillow-fight style.
* Rip up an old newspaper or phone book.
* On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do.
* Cut and tear the picture.
* Throw ice into the bathtub or against a brick wall hard enough to shatter it.
* Break sticks.

Crank up the music and dance.

Stomp around in heavy shoes.

Curl up under a comforter with hot cocoa and a good book, babying yourself somehow. Do whatever makes you feel taken care of and comforted.

Use light sweet-smelling incense and listen to soothing music.

Make a tray of special treats and tuck yourself into bed with it and watch TV or read. Visit a friend.

Slap a tabletop hard with another object.

Clap hard.

Take a cold bath or immerse your arm/leg into icy water.

Play a difficult computer game.

Choose an object in the room. Examine it carefully and then write as detailed a description of it as you can. Include everything: size, weight, texture, shape, color, possible uses, feel, etc.

Choose a random object, like a paper clip, and try to list 30 different uses for it.

Pick a (safe) subject and research it on the web.

Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out.

Get a henna tattoo kit. You put the henna on as a paste and leave it overnight; the next day you can pick it off as you would a scab and it leaves an orange-red mark behind.

Read an insanely long list of alternatives to cutting- by the time you've finished, you probably won't have the energy to cut!!!

Good Luck!!
*Carrie

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Ok.. My friend wants to kill her self and when we were at a party she locked her self in a closet and tried to find something sharp to kill her self with and I am really scared for her!

plz help me!

Hey,
Wow, I'm sorry this is happening to you. I have a few questions for you...

1) Why would she announce this at a party? Answer: ATTENTION
--Does she get any attention at home? If not, this is probably her attention "Trump Card"
2) Did you warn her you were going to tell someone? If so, what did she say? If she said something like: "No, no one needs to get involved," it is yet another cry for attention. She wants to be noticed, but doesn't want it getting back to her family.
3) Did you tell someone? If you didn't, you HAVE TO DO IT!!! I personally don't think she is serious, but if she is she needs help. If she isn't, having a nice long talk with the guidance counseler will wake her up to the fact that a suicide threat is a very serious thing, not to be taken lightly.
4) If you want, here is a site about how to talk to a suicidal person: http://www.befrienders.org/suicide/helpfrnd.htm
And the number for the national suicide help line is very simple: 1-800-SUICIDE.

Well, good luck!
*Carrie

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I'm getting my nose pierced on Saturday, and I was wondering if anyone got it done, like did it hurt? & If it did how long did the pain last for?? Also. What side should I get it done on?? Left or Right?.. Whats a nice color to start out with? Your favorite color or, a noticeable one. Thanks :)

Do you realize how DISGUSTING a nose piercing is when you have a cold??
*Carrie

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I have darkish olive tan skin and really...I mean REALLY dark dark brown hair. But I want to change the color. I was thinking along the lines of WHITE blonde...I am dessparate for help! I rate! Thankx!

OK, if you want to look like some plastic surgery addict from CA who just went to a tanning booth and stayed in to long, be my guest! But if you want to look attractive, maybe you could dye it black...I bet that would look FABULOUS
*Carrie

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ok so i'm 15 and i really like this guy and he liked me too, for a while, then he changed his mind about me, i still like him though and i want to have a relationship with him. How can i get him to like me again?

Hey,
Alright this may not be what you want to hear, but, if he "changed his mind" about you, is he really a trustworthy guy? I don't think so.

If that doesn't bother you, try just being a friend...you know, someone he can laugh with, but don't get too serious. Hopefully, this can gradually progress.

Good Luck...please fill me in on what happens!

*Carrie

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OK. I didnt really know what to put this under. I have play tryouts coming up soon for a school play. I was wondering if anyone had any tips on getting into character. And I also need tips on learning my lines. I tried to look it up on google, but i didn't find anything. Thank you for helping me if you do. I need it.

Hey,
I love meeting a fellow drama geek! Try acting as the character in the part you want the day of or before the tryout. Or you can try to make up the life of the character...you know, the bits that aren't written down. I've read poems in the perspective of the character. I use one by Shell Silverstein, called "Someone Ate The Baby" in the perspective of a hopeless romantic...let me tell you, REALLY funny.

Well, I hope I helped!! Also, which play is it? Please, email me or IM me, I'd love to know what happens!!

*Carrie

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i'm 13/f and i weigh 115, but i really want to lose 15 lbs. I'm not sure if it's like unhealthy because ive never used them and don't know anyone who has. I know diet pills aren't healthy and don't work, but are diet patches the same way? and how would i be able to get them, cuse i can't just ask my parents to buy me diet patches, they deffinatly wouldn't do that. and i don't want to use them if it's not compleatly safe. help please? thanks -*jeanine

Hey,
First of all, how tall are you? If you about the 5'3" range, 115lbs is fine. If you really want to lose the weight, I would try to do it naturally. I think some of the expensive diet patches do work, but they have a bunch of nasty side effects that aren't worth it. Try going to your local YMCA and joining the weight class or just going swimming. I hope I helped, and remember, you are beautiful in any form!

*Carrie

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My family believes very strongly about lots of things. One of those things is legal marajuana. They think if somebody in the USA wants to smoke pot, let them. Pretty much everybody in my family smokes pot except for me. I'm 15 years old. I think they're wrong. I don't think pot should be legal because it makes people do stupid things. But so does beer and other alchaholic drinks. But they're legal. So I think maybe they should not allow alchahol or pot. I'd like to point this out to my family but I don't want lectures. What should I do?

---

Hey,
Wow, that's a really tough situation, and I'm sorry you are being put in it. I myself do not have an opinion about the topid, so I promise this will be completely unbiased advice.

I think you are right to stand up for yourself, and not do anything that you don't think is right, but for right now, I'm not sure if you can do anything to influence your parents. Maybe you could do some research and calmly present them with the factual information about marajuana...both sides of course, and your own opinion. Try asking them first to stop smoking around you, and then see what comes of it.

Hopefully, your family will respect you enough to comply. If not, wait a bit, avoid them when they are smoking, and try again when you feel it is a good time. I hope this helped a bit, and please feel free to email or IM me anytime with the "results"

*Carrie

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I am 19 years old and have been seeing a girl for 2 and a half years. We recently broke up over christmas but have still been seeing each other because we get on really well as friends. I put my cards on the table so to speak and told her how i feel that i still love her and i want her back. She replied im still in love with you but i dont want to be in a relationship at the moment. When we see each other i keep on saying to her that i will get her back and she agrees with me she says we need time apart. Which i am willing to do if it means i get another chance becasue i really do care about her so much. The only thing i am scared of is there is another lad on the scene whos she assures me they are not seeing each other and just friends which i beleve, but im scared that when we are having our time apart she ends up having feelings for this lad and i wont get her back at all. What is the best way to go about trying to get her back?

Hey,

I say, you choose you favorite blunt force weapon of choice and beat him until he swears to stay away for your ex.

Or, you could try trusting this woman that you apparently love when she says she loves you as well. And, if, by some chance she does end up with feelings for the other man, then at least the woman you love will be happy. Right?

Good luck, and I'll be rooting for you!

*Carrie

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