about

Hello!!! I'm here to give you individualized personal advice. Whether you have questions about relationships, sex, friends, beauty tips, physical and mental health concerns and questions, I'll always try to give my most honest, non-judgmental, and kind advice :) Feel free to ask!

Best Wishes!!!

advice

15/f and hes 15/f we've known each other since elemenatary school but we never i think had a class together or in middle school never really had classes together that we even talked in or hungout in the same crowds. but now that im a freshamn the classes are kinda divided into really smart, average, and below average. so we are both in the average classes and we have like every class together and talk in most of them. he got my number and we started talking(texting) about a month ago and we got along really really well if felt like we were really good friends for a long time. we are good friends i think of him almost like a brother to me becasue we can just talk about anyhting and everything and were just really open with eachother, i mean i get along really well with guys growing up with brothers but i could talk to this guy about my period for gods sake haha and we have like everything in common and he talks to me about girls and i dont really care that much and vice versa. but then he started giving me compliments about what a nice body i have and i didnt really take it seriously becasue i do get that alot from guys and im not a slut at all im not even a flirty girl i get that i come off rather cold and he is a flirty guy so we do balance each other out. and so then he started talking about hooking up and we both think each other is really attractive and so we were gonna hook up (just like makeout nothing more) and then we both started getting feelings for each other within that week but we never hooked up. he told me he like me first and then i said i liked him a little bit, but within like two or three days he got kinda shady and i didnt even know if i wanted a relationship so i jsut said like listen i dont want to ruin our friendship lets just go back to being friends. and i dont care if we hook up now i kind of want to but i didnt tell him this but if it happens it happens haha but he has been hinting at me that he kinda wants to. and to be honest i dont think it will be a bad thing because i told him flat out that i would not want a relationship thats serious with him i just want to be friends and then he said yeah same but he also wanted to hookup but thats it. like say we hook up and then next week he hooks up with another girl and i hookup with another guy i dont think it will really bother us. we both just want to be really casaul, still be friends with an open relationship but hook up occasioanly. the only thing is i am not very flirty, and i take my time wanting to like someone, so now that the weird phase of us liking each other is over now if we hookup i dont want to get feelings for him, i dont want to like him but i think i might becasue he just gets everything about me and i really like him as a person and i've told him that. so i dont know what to do..i feel like im in limbo with him and dont know what to. im a very direct person and we have really great communication so i've told him all this before and im confused what i want out of this?? thanksss

Friends with benefits is a really hard thing to do for most people. 9 out of 10 times someone catches feelings which is normal. Especially at 15, when one day you may feel one way, and the next will be completely different. So if you're going to do the friends with bens thing you have to be totally honest with yourself.

Close your eyes and picture you hooking up with him, then picture him walking away and going to hook up with another girl right in front of your face, not caring a single bit. Does it bother you? If so then you might want to re-think this. When mixing romantic emotions things can get complicated, so you must be very clear with yourself and the other individual.

Also, going into any type of relationship with anyone is risky. You have to accept the fact that you are gambling and you might loose, but always know that no matter what you are fabulous, and you can not accept anything less then what you deserve. So if you think you deserve him committing tot you, then you need to resist temptation, and say, "Look I truly like you, and care about you, but I also truly care about myself, so if you can't commit then I think we should just keep things as they are". If he doesn't want to commit he's most likely worth having as a friend, but not as a boyfriend.

If you decided that you can really put emotions aside and keep it casual, then try to be aware of when feelings are developing. You can't control that from happening unfortunately, take it from someone who wished they could control their own feelings. Remember hooking up can be fun, but you are also dealing with your own feelings, as well as someone else's. It's still a type of relationship. So be aware, and be honest with with what you want. Remember that you deserve to be happy, and it should all be okay with whatever decision you make it should be a learning experience for the future.

Best Wishes!!

[view]

Hello :] my hair is very soft and its texture is very smooth,when i was young i had wavy hair and it wasn't frizzy, now im 18 years old, and i stopped taking care of my hair for years, id straighten it all the time, go to the salon and have someone do it and if it got even a bit puffy i would straighten again and again, and i used to hear my hair ripping and it was horrible, i also used to take showers and put my hair up in a bun for days and i never had any hair cuts, and i also used to brush it alot. anyways i am aware that i really messed up my hair but it still happens to be soft so im guessing that my good hair is somewhere in there, ive been taking care of it for 2 weeks now, i shower every other day. i dont use shampoo so much its usually conditioners and hair masks, i comb my hair and dont brush it and as soon as im done doing that i use products such as oil replacement and its been doing wonders so far making my hair alot better. when i stopped taking care of my hair, it got curly and now that im taking care of it i realize that it isnt as curly as it was when i took no care at all, does that mean that my hair is going back to its naturalness? its alot softer and alot less frizzy and the curls arent so much anymore.. like its a bit wavy at the top and then it goes curly at the bottom, is it possible that my hair is becoming the way it used to be ? or does it have to stay curly? cause i want my wavy hair back.
anyways, thanks to whoever took the time to read this and answer. highly appreciated.

You sound like your taking very good care of it! I would say that you won't know until it grows completely out. Depending on how long your hair is you might be a naturally curly girl, and your hair is long the length might be weighing down the curls at the top. Or your hair texture could be going back to the original way it was, either way! The only way to find out is to give it a year, keep doing what your doing, and go for your 8-12 week trims. I would suggest getting one avocado mixing it with your favorite conditioner and leaving it in your hair for 20 minutes once a week, then rinsing it out. This will certainly help your hair! But it sounds like your taking good care of it! Keep it up!

[view]

In about 2010, I watched the movie Hachi and got depressed about the sad piano tune. It got stuck in my mind and made me depressed for a long time. It's gone, but I think it's coming back because my mom watched the first 8 minutes of it but I turned it and now It's like coming back to me. What do I do?!

Got any favorite songs that make you happy?? When A song gets stuck in my head I will try to drown it out with any song I like, and play it over and over till that gets stuck in my head. Make sure the song is reeealllllyyyy catchy, that will make it easier to get it stuck in your head. One of my friends swears that the song Private Dancer by Tina Turner is a cure all song, and it apparently will not get stuck in your head :) Start singing along, and hopefully that helps!!!

[view]

F/15
I know some of you might think i'm a little young, but there's this boy who I miss terribly. Him and I broke up about 2 weeks ago I think. We almost dated for a month and I know what you're thinking but we have known each other for a while and we have dated before. Anywhore he broke up with me because I was jealous of one of his friends who is a girl and she would always have her hands on him, she was always either messing with him or hitting him and obviously I didn't like it. One day i confronted him about it and told him I didn't like it. He told me that if I didn't like it then it wouldn't happen again. I said okay and just kept an eye on him. Well she was still messing with him all the time, but I just started to let it go even though it was killing me. One day i saw that she was on his back and he was giving her a piggy-back ride. I did not like that one bit so I finally said something to him about it. He kept assuring me that she was just a friend, but I reminded him of his promise. Then I eventually got sick of fighting with him and said I was sorry and he told me he knew I wasn't and he knew that every time he was around her I was going to get jealous even if I said it was okay. Then he broke up with me saying he couldn't be with someone like me. I was soooo sad. And lately I've been missing him so much and I know with how I am I'm never going to get him back. He doesn't talk to me any more and I feel like he hates me. How can I get over him? We used to be bestfriends, how do I get that back? Oh and sorry about the whole big long story. I guess I needed to vent a little too....

Venting is really healthy so no apologies necessary :) !!! 15 or not, feelings are feelings, and when you loose someone you care for it can really hurt, not matter what age, or how serious. No matter what age. Some people still pine over people they haven't even kissed. I'm not saying they should go up to them, and smack them, or make unhealthy choices because of this, but I am saying it's okay to have feelings.

I'm very sorry to hear about your break up. Break ups, are never anyone's fault believe it, or not. It's what happens when two people realize that if they continue their romantic relationship they would not only be making each other unhappy, but also they would be living in unhappiness themselves. Only when two people are truly happy with themselves, and each other, no matter their habits, friends, or imperfections, can a relationship have the potential to work, but you have to find a guy that matches you. It sounds like you saw a chemistry between your ex, and his friend, that made you uncomfortable. Which it totally okay!!! A lot of girls get uncomfortable when a bf of theirs has a special relationship with someone of the opposite sex that could replace them. It's normal and a natural human instinct to get a little jealous in a situation like that. But if this happens again in future relationships, don't let jealousy morph into insecurity and lack of trust. That's one thing that will ruin a relationship every time. You need to trust the individual completely. If you still see red flags, then you have trust your gutt. Your the one that has to be happy, so if what he's doing is making you unhappy and he's not willing to change then you need to make yourself happy, even if the choice you make may be hard and painful. But, if he truly cares, and loves you he won't even think of cheating on you with someone else, I promise, because he would respect you way too much, the same way you respect yourself. Any guy that does anything other then that is not worth it!

It seems that he wasn't willing to compromise and neither were you. Maybe in the future, when he gets over it, (because, I promise you, eventually he will even if it's hard to see now) you guys can maybe become friends again, if you both decide that it's okay! You'd be surprised how things can change. But for now I would say take advantage of being single, and try to enjoy all the little things in life that make you happy, while focusing on yourself. Get involved in anything that makes you happy, hang out with friends. Get up on a weekend, and ask yourself... what do I feel like doing for me today. Your 15, so you totally have every excuse in the world to be a little selfish (just don't step on anyone toes, metaphorically speaking)
You also have to go through what I like to call relationship withdrawal, which can happen with anyone you care about, (friends, boyfriends, people you genuinely look up too) which is part of the healing process, but that's a sign to accept your feelings. Handle them in healthy ways, talk them out with family, and close friends you can trust with your feelings. Write them out when you randomly become sad then rip it up, and burn it, or keep it in a time capsule so you can open it up in 10 years and laugh. I promise, time, and self love and appreciation with a mixture of focusing on the positive and fun stuff can heal you, and help you get over him. Also accepting your feelings, and trying not to blame yourself, while taking it as a learning experience for you. But be patient with yourself, you won't realize that you've healed till you're healed :)

[view]

19/F
First of all thank you for whom is reading this. I go to school part time and just got a new job. I'm trying to figure out myself and just deleted my Facebook because I feel as if it is a distraction. I feel empty, and it's normally when I'm not talking to a guy. I don't know why I feel this way. My last two boyfriends started as one night stands. One lasted a year, the other one two years. I can't seem to take a relationship slow either. Is it just my hormones? I feel like it's wrong to have sex with multiple people but lately I've been wanting to. Most of my friends are guys as well. I use to have an alcoholic problem but I've been a lot better. I just don't understand why I'm so addicted to guys.

Hello!!

Sometimes I find myself feeling empty, so your not alone! The first thing is, it's okay to like guys!! You're 19, and young, and everyone's sexual passion is different. Some people are cereal monogamists, and some people are the committing type. But at 19 your hormones are raging, they're screaming you to reproduce (whether that's your plan, or not) The real question you should ask yourself is, are your habits with guys hurting yourself, or anyone around you. Anything in extremes can be harmful to yourself. If you are feeling empty without sexual passion you might want to try to search deep inside yourself for what will fill that void up. Sometimes when I'm alone, and feel empty I say to myself before I go to bed, "you're perfect, you're wonderful you're worth it, and you're not alone". Loving yourself, and maybe even telling yourself, "I love you." Are techniques and methods that can be used, specifically when someone is out of a relationship. You yourself can only find a healthy way to fill your feelings of a void inside you, but I promise that truly loving yourself, for all your faults, and perfections will help you at least for that moment. To maybe fight the addiction I would suggest using substitutes, such as getting involved in something that sparks as much passion as you have for guys. It could be work related, school related, even if someone in your family had a baby recently, you could help them out one day (mothers are always grateful for an extra set of hands), do something outside of your own feelings, that helps someone else. 9 out of 10 times, about how much helping others can really help you discover yourself. Stay close to some girlfriends you can really trust! And be proud of yourself!! You realized there was something in your life you needed to handle instead of ignoring it! Congrats :)
I'm not saying this will fix what's really going on completely, but I hope it will at least give you some insight.

Best Wishes!

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker