Member Since: April 19, 2021
Answers: 179
Last Update: June 27, 2022
Visitors: 7612
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I don’t know if there is a contest for weirdest question but I feel mine might qualify to be in the contest. My big question is about whether or not to keep my underarms shaved or to let the hair grow back to natural. I am a 14 year old guy in high school. My girlfriend is 16 years old and amazingly beautiful and way smarter than me and a funny sense of humor. I did a dare where I let my girlfriend and her friend shave my underarms in a video to prove I was in support of women who had to shave there when guys don’t have to do it. I was trying to be in support of women’s rights but I found out from her later that was just an excuse to prank me and I fell for it. I guess it was funny. I say it shows I will literally do anything to keep my girlfriend happy. My guy friends say it is “gay” which is not a cool thing to say no matter what but I think they literally mean only people who are homosexual do it. That is bogus because I know some athletes do it for things like swimming and wrestling and it has nothing to do with being gay or not gay. My sports are basketball and baseball so that is not a real excuse for me to do it but my point is different people do it. I personally like it. It feels good to be smooth there as long as I keep it shaved and my girlfriend says no hair makes my muscles stand out more. She said my pits smell better too even if I worked out or just finished practice which I think is just like the underarm hair getting wet and stinking and now it doesn’t. What she thinks counts for the most and she says I should not listen to my guy friends. She jokes she is going to dare me to do more shaving down below so I am hairless from the neck down. That makes me nervous but I think she is really just trying to make me squirm which she thinks is funny. My haircut is already super short which she picked out so not much more she can make me do that way. I am not a body builder but I do think I look a little more jacked without the armpit hair. I do like that she tells me take my shirt off all the time to check and she actually helps me keep it smooth. I know that is kind of weird but all the attention I get from her turns me on so I am like whatever you want to do sign me up. My dad told me I was insane to do it but he did not care as long as I did not get a tattoo or piercing. He was like it will grow back so no big deal. My mom does not know yet unless my dad told her but she did not act like she knows. My girlfriend said if I wanted to go back to normal it would be okay but she wants me to stay the same for now if I want to do it. She said if I got chest hair she would want me to keep it smooth too. I guess I will do what she wants because I want to be sexy for her the way she wants. Personally I think my guy friends need to get a girlfriend and then see how cool it can be if you make her happy. We are virgins because she wants to be and that is okay with me but all I am saying is there are a lot of very nice things without going all the way that can happen if your girlfriend knows you are into making her happy. For example, I will go shopping with her and carry her crap all Saturday because I know she will reward me later like making out which can be very awesome even if it frustrating to stop. Plus, it feels really good for her to say what a good boyfriend I am to other people and she also comes to all my games and some practices like my personal cheerleader which is awesome. Why would I give that up to have hairy armpits I did not even like. Sounds dumb to me. What do you think? (link)
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Up front, I'd say that whatever you choose to do about shaving your underarms, or not, should never depend upon anyone else except yourself. If your girlfriend is so uptight about hair armpits, let her shave her own.
You seem to like and appreciate her attention, so if it depends upon you having bare armpits, well, that's your decision then.
But, what if she wanted you to braid your hair! What if she preferred that you dyed your hair green? Would you do it, just to please her?
You should be with someone who likes you for who you are, as you are. You are not her "Ken Doll" , after all.
You are both very young, so I think this will all blow over one way or another in a short time, in any case. Good wishes,Dr. Stephanie
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Dr. Stephanie:
You said to try again and that I wrote too much and I agree it was very very long. Thank you for offering to help with your advice. So my basic question is do I tell my foster parents that I do not speak Spanish and that I am not all that interested in doing special family activities related to Latino culture? If I should say something, how do I do it without hurting their feelings or making them feel foolish for trying to do something nice to make me feel special and respecting my background. I hope that is simple enough. I will add that I do know Shawn and Sarah were wanting to adopt a baby and they have to foster so many kids to sort of be considered for that. I may just be practice for them, but I hope they will think about keeping me because I really like this family and want to be a part of it. They make me feel loved but I just worry about what will happen long term. (link)
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Well, let's see if we can sort some of this out and help you find some direction. On one hand, you aren't interested in participating in or learning about Latino culture. That's fine, that's your choice. But you fear you may hurt their feelings or otherwise offend them. I'm assuming you are the one with the Latino background?
Perhaps you might gently comment that even though this is your heritage, you are just yourself and that you have no particular interest in or attachment to being Latino, if that's the case.
You could thank them and tell them you appreciate their efforts to make you feel at home, adding what else might make you feel more comfortable, instead.
Since you like them and hope they'll "keep you", tell them this. Tell them why you fear they won't keep you and why. Its normal for kids who have been moved around, put into foster or adoptive homes to feel as you do, based upon previous experiences.
I have a feeling that , since they "make you feel loved" , that you may be worrying needlessly. Plus, many adoptive parents do not have to prove their worth by keeping foster kids. They do have to be evaluated and approved by trained adoption workers, but their approval is based upon many other things , such as their ability to parent, their sincere motives, their ability to provide.
Tell them how you feel. I'll bet they'll be reassuring and try to also respect your needs and wishes. Good luck , Dr. Stephanie
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Hi there, I need help to understand my parent's psychology in a non-biased way, thus writing my problem here. Being a single child was not an issue for me and my parents while growing up. They provided me with every possible things they could afford. They taught me to dream big, to have a career and to have a mind of my own. They used to be rational in every ways. But after my marriage and my coming to abroad to live with my husband changed everything back home. My parents got so insecure that they gave me constant worries and stresses about things back home which are not anymore under my controls. They started guilt tripping me in innocuous ways for getting married and going far away from them. Whenever they see a neighbor kid or my cousins to stay with or near their parents and helping their parents both being physically and financially present, they start to regret their decision of sending me away for my higher education and my marrying and coming abroad. Though I did not get married without their blessings and against their wish but now they pretend like I am a selfish kid for not being present by them in their old age (mom is 56 and dad is 64). Even if I want to go back to them, my hometown is in a very remote place where I can't find any suitable job. They know there's nothing for me. I got myself enrolled in a PhD program in Europe but now my dad doesn't happily want me to pursue it and they actually want me to go back to my country and find a government job there, which is not that easy (but they seem to not understand the fact that government jobs in India are very competitive nowadays and very difficult to get) and also I am not interested in Govt jobs whatsoever. But as my dad was an ex govt employee that too in a high rank post, they want me to choose that career path and stay near them. I feel so demotivated and selfish for not abide by their wishes and leaving them alone. But I can't see myself as a govt officer either in my future. I want to be a researcher and pursue science. But with constant pulling down I can't concentrate in my research with my heart and soul. I always keep wondering if I am making any mistake by opting to a PhD and not trying to be a govt officer as my parents want and if I am being selfish to leave them alone to pursue my dream. Although, my husband supports my dream and he is even ready to sacrifice 3-4years of our lives to long distance so that I can finish my PhD. Also, he can't go back to my hometown as there's nothing for him as well. But he is trying to go back to India and I also plan to find a job there after my PhD. But my parents are growing impatient and feeling insecure so they are not actively encouraging me on my career decision out of their worries. Kindly suggest what should I do while considering the fact that I come from an Indian traditional middle-class family where staying close to your parents and helping them in their old age to get by are the norms. Thank you. (link)
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It is sad that there's a conflict between the world you are building for yourself and your husband, and the needs and wants of your aging parents. They are not THAT old, by the way, and unless they are ill or infirm in some way, I can assume they are still self sufficient for the time being?
It is not only your cultural norm, but also a universal one, that adult children have some responsibility to care for their parents in their old age. Its understandable. And you being the only child means it falls upon your shoulders only.
It would seem that there is no way to fully resolve this so that everyone can have their needs and wishes fulfilled. Instead, might there be a compromise you can work out? I'd like to see you be able to fulfill your own dreams and plans, and not sacrifice them all for the sake of your parents' well being. But in addition, might there be some way you can continue to be present and supportive of them, as needed, while still following your own needs and dreams?
Perhaps you and your husband cannot completely fill their wishes by , for example, returning to India and living near them. But you might, instead, plan on frequently visiting them, making sure they are all right, finding supportive resources as needed, such as senior social services. You can always be there for backup, in the event of an emergency or special need, but you also have your own life and that of your husband, to live.
In the end, you must make your own way in the world. Someone once said that the goal of being good parents is to give your child wings, and to teach them how to fly. Its good that you have become the bird that can fly. Now, its up to your parents to proudly watch you do so.
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My mother in law gave my 15 yr old son a DNA test kit for Christmas, and she asked him if he sent it in yet. She also wants to manage the account once its sent in. He wants to give the kit back to her, but my husband is upset that he doesn't want to do it, that it cost $70 and he thinks 'whats the big deal'? I personally think that if he doesn't want to do it, its his perogative AND its his DNA to which he shouldn't be bullied into giving if he doesn't want to. This is causing stress because of our disagreement but I do not want my son to be bullied into doing something he doesn't want to do just to please my husbands mother. And she will be upset and that is how she usually gets her way. (link)
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The big clue here is that your Mother in Law "gets upset when she doesn't get her way"? So how long and for how much are you each willing to give in and allow this to continue dominating your lives, your choices, your privacy, and more?
If your husband won't support either you or your son, this makes it more difficult, of course. But I agree with you that your son should have a choice and if he doesn't wish to use the DNA test, so be it.
Its a rather odd gift to begin with. Whether he returns the gift or not should also be his choice. Any time someone gives you a gift, its up to you to do with it as you choose. He could either return it, donate it somewhere, give it to someone who would really like it, or just stow it away. Or even dispose of it.
It sounds to me as if standing up to the mother in law is long, LONG overdue. I would simply inform her as follows: "Thank you for your gift, but unfortunately, our son doesn't feel comfortable or wish to use it. We can return it, if you wish, so you can use it as you choose. I understand that you might not be happy about this, but unfortunately, this is his choice and I support him in whatever he wants to do."
Then let her blow up, scream, cry, whatever she does to manipulate you and your family, as she has done for so long.
You may alienate her, ....so what? You may get flack from your husband, again, so what? Decide if its worth it to you to put a stop to her dominating manipulations. Or not. Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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I need interpersonal relations advice about how to be a good sport and fit in with the Navy midshipmen in my ROTC program. They are hazing me in what I consider a mostly harmless and somewhat humorous way, but I secretly am sort of getting a little bummed out about it and just wish there was a way I could be more accepted in the group.
For background, I am a 19M and I am Marine cadet in ROTC. I will owe the Corps a term of service after I graduate college in exchange for scholarships and financial aid during my undergraduate course of study. I will also be commissioned as a Marine officer once I complete officer candidate training.
I was assigned to a Navy ROTC unit because there is a history of the Marines being a part of the Navy even though we are now an independent service branch. So, wannabe “jarheads” like me train with the wannabe “squids.” We do military science classes together, leadership training, service projects, fitness competitions, self-defense and combat instruction, and some military drills – very cool stuff for a guy like me. I am not the only Marine cadet but I am the only first year Marine cadet in the program.
I should add that the ROTC program is on the campus of a neighboring school that has a partnership with our school. So that makes me a “crosstown” student. So, I don’t really know or go to school with any of the people in the program.
Most importantly, I love the ROTC program. I wish there was even more stuff I could participate it. The instructors are great. All our organized events are hard core and exciting and I feel like I am challenged but treated well.
There is, however, a group of midshipmen who started a “fitness club.” It is an unofficial group of about 20 midshipmen and me. I am the only Marine cadet who signed up. The plan is to meet every weekday morning at 6:00AM and do whatever combination of calisthenics and running the ranking midshipman dreams up that day. The point is to remain fit, improve our fitness, and promote teamwork.
From the beginning, they have hazed and teased me about being a Marine cadet and called me all the fun names Navy personnel call Marines which is just a normal rivalry.
When I show up wearing a Marine Corps t-shirt, tank, or sweatshirt (which I always do) I am ordered to remove it so they don’t “have to look at it.” I am cocky and confident so I don’t mind going shirtless. It does get cold as crap running outdoors in winter weather. That one layer of cover can make a difference. They always offer me Navy gear to wear, but I refuse. It is a battle of wills.
I am very competitive and I tend to be in the lead group when running and I end up with the best time about a third of the time. I am usually near the top on repetitions on things like pullups, crunches, and pushups. When I am not, my defeat is openly celebrated. I admit I have made jokes about how soft the Navy has it and stuff like that. So, I have sort of brought some of this on myself.
As for hazing, every day we convene the ranking cadet will order me to do extra laps or random things the others don’t do with a goal of tiring me out to the point of failure. About half the group gives me some encouragement until the others pressure them not to and about half the group taunts and talks trash about how I am looking tired and probably need a nap and stuff like that.
Literally the last 30 minutes or more of every session is this game of messing with me while everyone watches and talks trash. I guess it is entertaining for them and it is not like the exercise will do anything but make me stronger. It is not anything dangerous or evil like the hazing that hurts people.
My strategy right now is to be a good sport. I never complain. I just do it and try my guts out until I am exhausted or they get bored. I sort of feel heroic like I am sticking up for the Marines even though I am not a real Marine yet and it doesn’t make a difference. I am not going to stop wearing Marine gear even though I know I will have to take it off every time.
On another note, I never seem to get a text or call when our session is cancelled (which is not often). I just show up and I am alone. When I mention it there are just laughs and phony joke apologies. It does take me 40 minutes and four bucks commute round trip. It is just annoying getting up early, getting ready, and then being stood up.
I don’t want to be a pussy and say anything to anyone. I think that would be weak. But deep down I do wish I was more accepted and part of the group. I am not sure if there is a strategy for dealing with the situation or if I should just suck it up. Should I just “enjoy” the attention and take it as some sadistic compliment. Or should I just stop showing up? It is voluntary. Not an official part of the ROTC program. I think I am like craving their approval or respect for some reason.
I would sincerely appreciate positive advice on how to adapt and overcome. (link)
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All I had to read was your opening paragraph, to advise you that hazing is not acceptable and that you should report this to your superior officer immediately. You should not have to accept or fit in with this , at all. Anyone who continues hazing behavior should be promptly booted out of the program. Good luck and good wishes, stand your ground, seek help from the authorities, and forget about acceptance from the group, this one doesn't deserve you. Dr. Stephanie
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I'm 23 years old and still live with my parents.
I don't have a job at the moment & am unable to financially support myself until I do. Following that, I have various mental illness including a decade long eating disorder (my weight is currently sitting at 85 lbs) making it extremely difficult to function physically and mentally. I've been diagnosed with ADHD since childhood and I am struggling to go out to places without someone with me, usually my mother. I can't drive alone, but I have a license.
Though not diagnosed, I believe I have some form of paranoia as well. For example, if I'm at the mall and my mother says she has to go to the bathroom. After a couple of minutes being alone, the intense feeling of fear that my mother has suddenly disappeared into oblivion will occur. It's illogical, but somehow my brain convinces me it.
Another example is I was at the Russian airport waiting to board, and my cousin and mother tell me to wait by the luggages as they search for coffee. I agree to stay put. After ten minutes of them being gone, the intense fear begins to burn a hole in me. My heart sinks, starts beating faster. I start having a full fledged panic attack. I didn't have service to call either of them either, so that added to the worry. I ask a woman sitting next to me to watch the luggage. I begin sprinting across one side of the airport to the other, as I'm experiencing the worst panic attack of my life. Eventually I head back after not being able to find them and a little bit after that, they of course, make it back.
I found that I have a deep phobia of losing my mother... so deep that I have her location turned on and check it frequently to see where she is (she doesn't know, but Its comforting to know where she's at).
Anyway, because of my inability to take care of myself as a 23 year old, my mother is used as a handicap, which of course I don't love. I want to be able to live alone, have a job, go to college. But it's incredibly difficult to break out from this. Not only that, but my mother is a full fledged narcissist. She'll gaslight, scream, and sometimes put her hands on me every single time we argue... which is often. She's abusive and will verbally insult me when she's mad at me... calling me "retarded", lazy, a nobody, good for nothing, piece of shit, how she wishes I was dead, how she wishes I had a life worse than hers, and the list goes on. Even when I try defending myself from her when she puts her hands on me, she'll get mad that I do.
Obviously, I dont want to continue living like this. In fact, I dont want to keep living with my abusive mother. But since she still does a lot for me, it's hard to grow as a person.
I don't know where to start... where do I start escaping this depressing, miserable life of mine? How do I successfully cut off my mother if im so used to her help? Someone please help me. (link)
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I am so glad that you are reaching out for much needed help. You MUST get into therapy, you cannot do this by yourself and your entire future life is at stake. You didn't say where you live, but most communities have counseling available . If you have insurance , you can ask them for a referral. You should seek someone who specializes in eating disorders; although there are other issues to address, certainly, this one can be life threatening. If you haven't got insurance, or cannot pay for therapy , there are sliding fee scale clinics and most likely, one will be where you live. Check with your local library in the reference section for a Directory of Helping Services. Or, go on line and seek sliding scale counselors or therapy. Again, you MUST do this, and with the guidance and support of a qualified therapist, one you feel comfortable with, you will be able to free yourself and aim for the independent life you so deserve. Good luck and good wishes, and yes, if you have a choice, pick a therapist who is the same gender as the parent you get along with best, which apparently will not be your mother. Good wishes, Dr.Stephanie
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Hello, I'm a 13 year who constantly indulges in food as long as I'm craving them. multiple times I've tried to instantly quit eating bwetween meals and tried to swap them for things like fruits but I always go back to square one. I've brought this issue up with my parents that they should buy less junk food because it's always a source of temptation for me. but all i was told by my mum was to "control" myself. but thats not really helping me anymore. I end up suffering in silence on days when it gets really bad. I ALSO struggle with being short in height and also my weight which does not help at all.
Is there any solutions?
is there anyone in the same boat as me? (link)
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I'm glad you are seeking advice, and at the same time, sorry that your parents aren't taking your needs more seriously.
You need both their support and guidance from a counselor, who specializes in eating disorders, as well.
Go to your school counselor and ask for their help. I would hope that they would then contact your parents and recommend what I have suggested. If it comes from another adult, especially one who is considered a counseling professional, your parents may take this more seriously .
There are many reasons for the eating patterns that people have, and these are in need of addressing, not only keeping away from junk food, etc.
In answer to your questions, yes, there are lots of people who struggle with all kinds of eating disorders, including the kind you are describing. And yes, there indeed "solutions". You have already hit upon one, which is to stop bringing junk food into the home, if your parents could be persuaded that they are part of the problem, not just you.
You can also speak to your doctor at the earliest opportunity and try to enlist their help in reaching your parents.
From your description, your parents sound as if they are being oblivious (ignoring your genuine concerns), as well as irresponsible.
Meanwhile,one technique you might try is to allow yourself small indulgences between meals, and these could even include the "junk foods" that are so bad for you,depending upon the amounts or the frequencies.
Another thing you can try is to consider what underlying feelings might be involved, propelling you to indulge in overeating and selecting foods that aren't as healthy for you , as its often the feelings we have that are most in need of addressing. And once you have identified some of them, ask yourself how else you could perhaps better address them, than by indulging in food and overeating.
Lastly, are you really overeating and/or overweight? Or could it be that you are developing a possible eating disorder called "anorexia"? This is a condition where people, most often young girls, think they're overweight and literally starve themselves, sometimes to death,to remain thin. Clearly, this kind of disorder demands, requires professional intervention and involves counseling the entire family.
Whatever is going on with you, I wish you the best and hope that some part of what I've mentioned will be helpful for you. Don't give up, keep pushing for help, you deserve it and should have it , indeed! Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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female 22 years old.
I recently changed primary care doctors and they had me do a bunch of blood tests. Today I went ahead and took it upon myself to look at the results. Everything was fine until I saw I tested positive for HSV 2 and I've never been in such a bad mental state. I've only had one partner in my life and we have a daughter together. He is a deadbeat and cheater. I will never get to experience a normal sex life again. The last time I had sex with him was almost 5 years ago. I have. been abstaining from sex for so many years and when I feel ready to find a partner I find this out. I feel beyond disgusting:( What am I suppose to do now? (link)
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You are not alone, since there are many individuals with this same diagnosis. Unfortunately,it is permanent, which you must already now know. It can be controlled, but never cured. There are so many who have this, that there are actually clubs formed, to help members socialize together.
As you navigate through the singles' world and are ready to now date, you will most probably find that there are those who may opt for continuing with you, or not, upon learning about your condition.
No matter what, you owe it to others to be honest and to disclose what you have. And, it is absolutely imperative that you do not engage in sex during the times when you have an outbreak.
There are some things you can do to minimize this, such as taking a prescription drug called acyclovir, as well as the nutritional supplement, lysine. And minimizing stress and fatigue is also considered helpful.
Do know that your life is not over, by any means, including your chances for finding a happy and permanent relationship if that's what you want.
The question arises as to when you should disclose information about your condition, in any new relationship that could lead to having sex. This may be something you wish to reserve discussing until you are getting to know someone better and perhaps ready to consider having sex with them. It may mean that you should not be planning on jumping in the sack with someone you don't know well enough to disclose this sort of information, or to expose them potentially by not telling them and affording them the deserved right to make an informed choice.
Conversely, you also should have the right to be informed on the relevant health of the other person , also.
Again, you are not alone with this, and I wish you well, literally. Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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My boyfriend Drew proposed marriage on a romantic camping trip about 2 months ago. I panicked and said I would have to “think about it.” He was gracious and said he would keep the ring in his pocket until I was ready to decide and said he respected my need to consider my options.
Even though he was classy about it, I felt rotten to see the totally crushed look on his face when he obviously thought I would say “yes” immediately. He tried to be brave and composed but you can just tell it was like I had mortally wounded him.
He has been somewhat depressed ever since, even though he tries to hide it and act upbeat and positive on the surface. He smiles and laughs sometimes, but it is a forced laugh and there is a sadness in his eyes like his dreams are dying. He is much quieter than normal. He does not know but I have watched him break down crying in his truck before he heads home some nights. I am not sure how I expect him to act under the circumstances, but I do feel guilty seeing him this way and I feel like I am torturing him with my own doubt.
We also have not had sex since then even though he previously was up for that every night of the week (and we were usually very active after the kids went to bed and before he went home for the night). When I have tried to initiate recently in ways he has always eagerly responded to in the past, he says he has to go and heads home early. I cannot blame him for not being in the mood.
At the same time, feeling bad for him and missing sex with him are not good reasons I think to say “yes” to marriage when I am not sure. Also, the more pressure I feel to say “yes” the more I feel panicked and rushed and want to hesitate.
In truth, he is a legitimate catch. He would be a great husband and an amazing father. We are all going to church again because of his influence. He may never be wealthy, but he loves his job as a conservation officer and will be a good provider. He is sexy, both in his uniform and out. If anything, I am a little intimidated by his level of fitness compared to my mom bod. He literally built a single room log cabin by hand on some land his parents gave him with nothing but axes and hand tools. He actually lives there. I am no fan of the outhouse, but he promised to have a proper home with plumbing and electricity built on the same property if we ever became a family.
There is an age difference with him at 26 and me at 32. Emotionally, he can be silly at times, but is usually very mature and responsible. He is actually calmer than me in a crisis. In appearance, he has that boyish clean-cut look that makes him look even younger but I would not change him – like a young Tom Cruise if he were taller, freckle faced, and not so arrogant. He tried to grow a beard and we both agreed it was not his look.
My two children adore him (daughter 8, son 6). He can be a big goofy playmate and makes them laugh constantly. It is a competition for his attention when he visits here for dinner and playtime every night of the week. He dreams up activities for us as a group most weekends. And yet, when he turns on the “dad voice” as I call it, they actually listen and behave. I think my late husband would have liked him. He honors the memory of their father by going to the cemetery with us and asks questions which seem to draw out happy memories from me and the children. The children are very attached to him already and I think he is attached to them.
I love him and he has told me he loves me, and he shows it in so many ways. I could share so many stories about how he made me feel safe, protected, loved, and cherished. He knows where to find the most amazing wild flowers and knows all their names and makes me a fresh bouquet randomly. He will text me the most amazing wildlife pictures during his workday. He failed to hang up his cell one day and I overheard him gushing about me to his supervisor and other officers and they teased him and told him he was “whipped” and he just said “yeah I guess so” but he was so sincere and I was embarrassed to tell him I listened. I am not 100 percent sure why I have hesitated and am still hesitating.
My parents think I should have said “yes” and are gently pressuring me to give him an answer. He asked for and got their permission before asking so they are in the loop. They support me either way, but are definitely on Team Drew. Thankfully the kids do not know or I would never hear the end of it.
So, I tried to make a list of negatives and this is what I came up with:
1. It has been three years since my late husband passed. Drew and I started dating one year ago. I think this was too soon maybe. I now worry about what others may think about me getting remarried -- especially the parents of my late husband who are both still alive. For what it is worth, they seem to like Drew because the kids rave about him. It does not hurt that Drew actually cut down and removed a dead tree that was about to fall on their house. They may be on Team Drew as well, but I just don’t want them to think their son is replaceable.
2. Drew is into hunting,fishing, and firearms and I don’t care for any of that. My son wants to learn about all that stuff now and I am not sure how I feel about that. Drew can teach him safety and actually does safety classes for the public, but I worry about having guns in the home and just have a negative feeling about guns. Drew always secures his weapon in a gun safe in his truck when he come in our home out of respect for my feelings on this. Also, I do know Drew loves animals and has risked injury to save wild animals more than once. He enjoys hunting, but also catches hunters who break the rules.
3. Drew can go too far with big gestures. I left him to babysit the kids one weekend when I had to travel for work and I come home to find he purchased lumber, shingles, and carpeting and built a tree house for the kids in our back yard. One of the neighbors complained to me later about the construction noise. Drew was clueless why I was so mad and explained he and the children waited to paint it so I could pick the color as if that made it okay. He did apologize later. I guess it was sweet, but it was way over the top.
4. Drew wants to have more children. I am still of age and healthy but not sure I want to go through that again in my 30’s. I am also not sure I want to have more children and I worry how that will make the kids feel to have brothers or sisters by a new father.
5. Drew is sort of a neat freak and I think he would take over the household. He is always organizing my cabinets, pantry, refrigerator, and garage and he does not even live here. I know he is just trying to do nice things but I don’t think the pantry has to look like a grocery store organized in sections with everything facing front. He also refolds my towels in my linen closet because he says I do it wrong. He thinks he is being funny, but it can be annoying.
6. Drew sometimes oversteps his role into parenting when he is still just a boyfriend and not even a step-parent. The other day my daughter was cleaning her bathroom and I asked why and she said Drew showed her how and assigned it to her as a chore and was paying her an allowance to do it to help me out. My son complained about not being able to play on his tablet and I asked why and he told me Drew had grounded him for using a bad word. When I got angry he actually defended Drew for punishing him saying he said the word just to see what Drew would do. Drew should have asked me about these things before doing them as I am the actual parent.
7. We also have political differences which I never thought would matter but it seems like they do. Drew is Team Red and I am Team Blue as he puts it. He has me using that word “team” for everything it seems including the Team Drew thing I came up with for this letter. I just realized that. He is not a Trump zombie, but he is hyper patriotic, gets emotional talking about injured veterans, is fixated on traditional gender roles, and a real defender of law enforcement. Some things I actually think we agree on (like protecting the environment). He gets furious about people polluting wildlife areas. He is very respectful about our differences. He is the first person I ever dated, however, that did not share my basic political views and I am not sure how we will handle it. He does not seem worried about it though. He is also very easily distracted by my flirting which is funny and he just loses his train of thought if we were having a discussion. It is my secret weapon on winning arguments for now. I just fear it will be a powder keg some day.
As I read my own list, it is confusing because I am like praising him on each negative point and it does not seem that horrible. I don’t want anyone who reads this to think badly about him because he is so wonderful and special in many ways. Am I being irrational? Am I ruining something really good by hesitating and worrying because it is not perfect and without risk? Should I say “yes” and join Team Drew like everyone else in my life? Am I just hunting for reasons to say no? Do any of my reasons make sense? Please tell me if they do. Are there red flags I need to just respect and say “no” to him? How do I break it to the kids if Drew and I break up because I refuse to get married? If I decided to say “yes,” how do I break the ice with Drew after making him wait for two long months with no answer? What if he has changed his mind?
Thank you for any comments or input.
Signed, Nervous Mom and Girlfriend
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Your situation deserves a thoughtful and considered reply. However,you wrote a great deal, and it is more than most, which is a lot to wade through and may be why you are not receiving any answers. You are seeking answers that only you can supply. My suggestion is twofold:
1) for receiving advice here, see if you can cut it down to several brief questions, based upon brief, (BRIEF!)information you have given. and 2) consider seeking counseling with a qualified, licensed marriage counselor, who will probably suggest that the two of you come in together for premarital counseling. Ultimately, no one can decide for you, and you must work through the tangle of concerns and questions for yourself. It may help if you make some lists and give each item a value on a scale of one to ten points, then totaling up the points. Make a list of pros and cons about marrying him. Make another list about not marrying him. It may help you sort out how you feel and give you a direction. Good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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I actually have a couple questions about Pennsylvania and Florida laws pertaining to age of consent and statutory rape. I'm trying to help a friend out and google isn't very helpful. (link)
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Not being an attorney, nor living in the states you mentioned, I'd suggest that you look up either the local bar associations for those states, and/or a legal aid society in said states. Generally speaking, the age of consent, while it can vary, is eighteen. And sex with anyone below that age is considered statutory rape, even if the person has consented. Exceptions might be in states where people below that age have been given permission and have married. Good luck,
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Well, my family knows about my ex. His family doesn't know we dated. At least I think? We are meeting this Friday along w other families and idk what to do (link)
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Hi. You haven't given us enough information to best advise you. Please write again, and include: your age, gender, whether you are living with your parents or not, the nature of the problems, describe in some detail. That's for starters. Tell us what your goals are, what you are looking for . Thanks, good luck, Dr. Stephanike
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Male/25 from Nigeria , I got diagnosed with hsv-2 (genital herpes) six months ago and that was my first time of having sex, after the diagnosis I was depressed, I hated myself, and the person that infected me, (I told the said girl I had sex with, and she denied) but I'm sure it was her that infected me, because I had not have sex with anyone else besides her. but over the last two months I've let go of some of the hurt and pains.... But about a week ago I made a very big mistake! which I regret and I'm literally having sleepless night. I slept with a girl without telling her about my condition. it wasn't planned at all and I was having an outbreak(the time that the disease is easily transferred to someone) I used condom but the condom broke,now am scared that I've just exposed or possibly infected this girl. the guilt is eating me alive! seeing her makes the guilt worse. so I ended things with with her. I feel like the most terrible person in the world. I want to tell her, but I don't know how to, and am scared of how she'll react, and she's also about to start her final exams, I don't want something that will distract her, I've got so many things on my mind but the taught of me being the reason someone goes through the pain I went through and messing up her life is too much. I know am a horrible person!... But I want to try and do the right thing I just don't know what, please guys I need advice, what should I do? (link)
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I am sorry for your situation, but you are not the "horrible person" you claim to be. You did not act as you should have done, agreed. But please do not make things worse by not telling the girl she should see her doctor and get tested. She may need treatment. In addition, she may sleep with someone else, and unknowingly transmit the disease to them, as well.
If you are going to be worried, you can also be concerned that she hasn't become pregnant, which is another reason to contact her. If the law is the same in your country, as in mine, and she did become pregnant, you will be legally responsible for child support and morally responsible for more, if she has and keeps a baby.
As for the person who gave you the disease,but denies having it, its possible that she has it but doesn't know it, if she has had no open outbreaks. She should get tested, nevertheless.
Do know that from now on, you are obligated to inform any potential sex partners in advance and to take required precautions, i.e., avoiding sex when you have an outbreak, of course, and probably avoiding genital skin to skin contact (use condom) at all times anyway. Educate yourself. Go on line, consult a doctor, or both.
Unfortunately, there is no cure, and you will simply have to live with this from now on. So do the right thing, and do whatever it takes not to pass it along to someone else.
There are many, many people who have this, but who go on to live otherwise normal lives, including sex, marriage, having children, etc. You must, however, continue to cope with it and be alert for symptoms.
Go on line or consult your doctor, there are some things you can do to avoid outbreaks, such as minimizing stress. There is also some evidence that taking a prescription medication, acyclovir, and also the amino acid, lyseine, helps reduce outbreaks.
Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
P.S. I am not a medical doctor.
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Last night, I admitted to my parents that I think I might be trans and that I want to socially transition. Y'know, spend a year living as a boy (I was assigned girl at birth) in order to be sure. I understand that taking hormones or undergoing surgery is a huge step, so I want to be certain before I do something that might be irreversible.
My parents didn't take the news as well as I'd hoped and told me they don't want me living as a boy. I just turned seventeen and have another year to go before I can move out on my own and live however I like. I really don't want to have to wait that long though. Any advice on how I might convince my parents to let me begin social transitioning now? (link)
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You might wish to go on line and find a support group for young people, who are considering changing their sexual identities. There may also be similar resources for parents of trans kids.
As you pointed out, you will be able, legally, to make independent decisions in a year's time. Meanwhile, it may be helpful to try and find a doctor in your area, who is familiar with transitioning and with whom you can discuss the details of how to go about it from a medical point of view. (E.G., taking hormones, surgery options, etc.)
As for your relationship with your parents, remind them that you are still "you" in every sense of the word, that you still love them and want their love and approval, as always.
This is, as you have seen, a difficult and challenging adjustment for them, regardless of how firmly you are committed. And I imagine that a good part of their concern is about how they foresee difficulties you may encounter in the world.
Remember, as long as you remain in their home (which is also yours), and receive their financial support, you will be subject to following their rules, if not all their wishes. Do not expect them to jump for joy, this will require a huge adjustment on their part, and they may, or may not be able to do it. I hope so.
Most importantly, they'll need to understand that while your actions are a choice, how you feel, how you identify is not .
Good luck, ~Dr. Stephanie
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Hello smart people. I need to have some advice. I understand not to use real names so I will use middle names. Me = Miguel. Foster Dad = Shawn. Foster Mom = Sarah. Foster Brother = Patrick. I have been living with this family for 14 months now. I am 13 and in eighth grade and Patrick is 14 and is a freshman in high school. OK, so those are the people in the story.
I have been living with this foster family for 14 months. They have been the best foster family I have ever had. When I was assigned to them I was very angry and rude and acting out. They did not know what to do with me. One day I said some horrible things to Sarah which I will not repeat and she cried and Patrick got so mad he was shaking and wanted to kill me I think because I made his mom so upset. They called family services and I thought I was going to be taken away. They had me come in the living room with them and the case worker and I was scared it was over. Shawn said they forgave me because they knew I was just mad and asked if I would please like to stay and keep living with them. I was like amazed and cried like a punk. I apologized and Shawn made up some chore punishments and I did them and did not complain and they have never said anything about how I acted at the beginning again.
I have been in some horrible places with people who were just about the money and did not care about me and should never be allowed to have kids or foster them. One foster dad went to jail because of things I reported that were illegal and I was kicked out and homeless for a while. My biological parents were worse.
I am in a safe place now with good people who care about me for real. Shawn works very hard for the family for a construction company and teaches Patrick and I about how to do home improvement stuff. He also takes us camping and teaches us outdoor survival stuff which is cool. Sarah sometimes talks to me and Patrick like we are little kids, but she is always doing things for us. She even sets out our clothes each day like we are little kids. Patrick said to just wear the outfit she picks and change later if I don’t like it. She makes us all go to Mass even though I am not sure I am Catholic, but I am not going to complain. Patrick is like a real brother to me and even got himself beat up protecting me from some scary dudes. He told them to leave his “brother” alone. I was blown away when I heard him say that. I told him he was Captain America to the rescue even though he got thrashed. I never had anyone stick up for me before.
I really love the three of them even when they annoy me. Shawn and Sarah are so strict and old school Catholic they could be a meme. We have to say "sir" and "ma'am." We don’t even get to play mature video games. They monitor the internet and I am sure they will see I visited this website. If they read this, it may solve the problem I am asking about. Patrick is like a puppy just trying to make them happy and do everything right. I used to make fun of him but now I guess I am trying to be like him now too.
I asked Patrick once why he was an only kid and he just said it was medical. I guess Sarah lost a lot of babies in pregnancy before and after Patrick. Apparently he had therapy at some point for something and Patrick said his therapist said the reason he is so compulsive about being the “perfect son” is because he is trying to make up for their loss. He joked that now the pressure is on me too. Even though he was joking part of me feels like that because I do want to make them happy.
The reason I am writing for advice is something Shawn and Sarah are doing that is kind of cringy even though they have good intentions. I am Hispanic, but I don’t actually speak Spanish and I am not really into Latino culture. I guess it is interesting, but I was never raised in an Hispanic home. I really just want to fit in with everyone. They are like trying so hard to “honor” my Latino heritage. They use Spanish words and phrases they have learned that I don’t even know what they are talking about and have to look up with google translator. They plan these little celebrations which are Mexican themed with decorations and Mexican food. I don’t know how to tell them my biological parents families were both from Colombia and not Mexico. I just don’t want to embarrass them. Thankfully, I like tacos so I just eat it. They even had a pinata for my 13th birthday – which is also weird also because I am 13 and not a little kid. Somehow they got a Leprechaun pinata for Patrick’s 14th and he acted like it was cool even though I know he thought it was stupid. They have a sombrero hanging from a peg in my room and I have one of those blankets on my bed.
I asked Patrick about it and he showed me where all these Mexican decorations are stored in the garage and these books they read to be ready to foster a Latino youth. He asked me to just go along with it and not embarrass them, so I don’t say anything. I know there hearts are in the right place but sometimes it is so hard for Patrick and I not to laugh when they get all relatable and thinking they are cool parents because they know Latino stuff. On the other hand, I am afraid it might hurt their feelings more and make them feel foolish if they find out some day they were going too far and I did not say anything.
What do you think I should do? Say something? Say nothing? Have Patrick say something even though he does not want to? Tell them I like Irish stuff just like them? Tell them no more pinatas of any kind? Admit I don’t know Spanish? Go and learn Spanish? I just don’t want to hurt their feelings because they are actually really wonderful people and deep down more than anything I want them to be my forever family.
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Hello, I'd like to answer your question, and I may have something significant to share, as I worked as a social worker with foster parents for many years. But your question(s) is (are) buried in a lengthy description making it difficult to ferret out the details . If you could please write again and cut way down, limiting yourself to outlining your concerns in a briefer fashion, I'm sure that you will receive additional and hopefully useful replies. Thank you, Dr. Stephanie
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I have a question about how to handle something that could be awkward. It is not a crisis right now, but it is something I am thinking about and wondering how to handle it when it comes up in the future.
I am 16M. I am having a consensual sexual relationship with my female supervisor at work. She is older than me at 26. I am a dishwasher at a restaurant and she is an assistant manager in charge of my shift. After we started being physical she made sure my two shifts each week are for the closing shift when she works (which is fine with me).
It all started when she found out I lied about my age on my job application. I was actually 15 when I started. I am trying to save money to get a car. Still working on that. She called me in to her office after closing and demanded to see ID. I did not have a license yet so I confessed and begged her not to fire me.
It was kind of pathetic looking back. She said I seemed so desperate and panicked over a dishwasher job. I told her I would do “anything.” She made me repeat that and she emphasized “anything.” She told me to take of my shirt and did this sexy inspection thing. She asked if sex was on the table and I said I would do that even if she was not blackmailing me. So it started that night.
While I could go into details of stuff we do together I don’t see how that has anything to do with my question. Let’s just say she is teaching me a lot and I love her super demanding high expectations. She has a thing for younger guys and I guess and I am turned on by the age difference and the whole proving my manhood to her thing. And yes, I was a virgin and I am glad she was the one.
She does not cut me any slack at work. She is actually way more demanding on me and even acts like I am a screw up. People are like “Why does she hate you so much?” Sometimes I think she overdoes it, but she will like wink at me when she does it and says it is just so people do not realize we like each other (which makes sense). I am actually a hard worker and helpful to everyone and I don’t really make a lot of mistakes. It is a game to see if she can find something minor to exaggerate so she can ream me out in front of other people. Sometimes she just makes stuff up just to bust on me for show. It is hard not to laugh sometimes.
As much as I like her (even beyond the sex), we are obviously not dating. We are just having sex and playing sexy games she makes up. Everything is on the down low. We would both get fired for sure. My parents would freak. She also might get in legal trouble which I do not want. That is why I have to be careful about asking for advice.
Here is the problem. We are both single now, but if one of us met someone we liked and wanted to date them and have a legit relationship, I feel like we would have to end our sex adventures to be faithful to that other person. I assume she would feel the same way, but I don’t know.
I am not sure how to bring this up to her. It is not an issue now, so maybe I would just spoil things by bringing it up until it is actually an issue. I don’t think she would actually fire me but I don’t want to make her mad or disappoint her or make things weird. I also don’t want the fun we are having right now to stop. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea like I am cooling off and looking for an excuse to stop. To be honest, I feel like I am lucky out of my mind to be in this situation like a fantasy come true. But I know if can’t last forever and she would never take me seriously as a boyfriend even I was legal. Any advice would be welcome.
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Dear Sixteen year old male: You asked what you should do to discuss a potential future issue with the 26 year old you are having sex with. I can tell you, the way to bring up any issue or question for discussion, is to state your concern and listen carefully, and compose our own replies. You also mentioned that you don't want things to end, that you are "having fun right now", but also that you are "cooling off."
Dear Teemager, you don't need "an excuse to stop", or even an explanation. Understand, that because you are a minor, the law says that you are being molested and this is a CRIME. I can guarantee you , that one way or the other, this will soon stop. It is also highly likely that you and she will be discovered.
And, chances are good that your 26 year old supervisor will not only lose her job, and you will , as well, but that she will be charged with a crime, convicted, and go to jail.
If you don't want to see this happen, you tell her, RIGHT NOW, that its over, that you are no longer available. And further, as long as she is there, you need to quite your job and LEAVE.
Either you can tell someone in authority, e.g,, HER boss, the police, child protective services,your school counselor, or , guess what, YOUR PARENTS (!), or someone is going to discover this anyway.
There are good reasons why this is a crime and you are considered a victim, even if you are willing and have consented on your own to participate.
Now: having advised you thusly, I also have to consider that you may be making all this up? If so, please don't waste our time, when there are folks with genuinely servious issues in need of help.
If not, good luck and good wishes, now do the right thing. ~Dr. Stephanie
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My brother and I (btw, I'm a girl) have always been best friends. We're only a year apart in age and have no other siblings, so maybe that's to be expected. We also attend the same high school and even have a class together.
So what's the problem? I've come to realize that I harbor romantic and sexual feelings for my brother. I tried to hide this at first but my bro can always tell when something's going on with me, so he asked me what was up. So I told him. And he confessed that he has the same kind of feelings for me.
We both know we can't act on these feelings and that this whole situation is EXTREMELY messed up. Still, the temptation is there. I think we should both get help before we do something we might regret, but how? There's no way we can talk to mom and dad about this for obvious reasons. So what are we supposed to do? Any advice anyone may have would be greatly appreciated. (link)
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Your feelings are not unusual, especially when you are in close continued proximity. So one good way out would be to lessen the amount of contact you continue to have with one another, e.g., get out of the ame class, find activities with other friends, develop separate interests, and yes, its actually okay to tell your parents about this and ask for their help. Chances are they sense what's going on, already, in any case.
I don't think its "abnormal" to be sexually attracted to your best friend, who happens to be close in age, opposite sex,and at a time when hormones are charging up. But you are right to be concerned. First of all, incest is illegal. And for good reasons. Second, its socially prohibited and can cause all kinds of difficulties with other relationships, should you become sexually active together and then be discovered, and don't doubt that this would happen.
Start doing other things that don't involve each other; e.g., you take up a hobby with some girlfriends, like...say, cooking. Or badminton! Or anything, as long as he isn't involved. And he should do the same thing with friends of his own, keep busy, and not hang around you so much.
You can and should remain friends; but that's where it needs to stop. If you still feel you can't talk to your parents about this, then I encourage you to discuss it in confidence with your school counselor, or ask for counseling elsewhere.
Good luck, good wishes, Dr.Stephanie
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My friend wants to come with us on my family trip. But I really want to spend my time with my family because we rarely hang out just us. My friend wants to go out on a trip but how do I tell them that without hurting their feelings? (link)
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I wish you had given your age and gender, and some more background information about your friendship. In any case, you can try to be as tactful as possible, but still get the message across that this is a "Family Trip", and that friends will not be included. That's reasonable. If your friend gets "hurt feelings" over this, that's a sign that they may have some problems with over dependence upon you, and should not be considered your fault in any way. You are under no obligation either to take your friend with you, especially since you don't really want to do it; simiiarly, you are not accountable for how your friend responds. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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I am a 25 year old engaged to a man whose mother makes it very clear to me that she is absolutely in love with her son. Her son is “the love of her life, the only love of her life, the light of her world, That even though he’s almost 30 she still sees him as the little baby boy in all those pictures, he will always be my baby boy” and she makes very odd comments such as “he is so good looking he’s even good looking with his shirt off.” Although her and I have a very good relationship, pretty much since we’ve gotten engaged she makes these comments towards me that make me feel like the two of them are the dynamic duo. I’ve been planning a surprise 30th birthday for him for about six months and I included his mother because I knew it would make her happy and just having a conversation with her yesterday she said “I don’t think he would think that his mommy wouldn’t do something for his 30th, you know I’ve done something for his 18th birthday 20th 21st I’m sure he knows mommy is going to plan something for 30“ but this is my party for him, this is my gift to him and I did let her invite almost 20 of her friends, because she’s paying for them. But she’s making this party that’s all about him all about herself, and what she is doing for him and what she is planning for him, when she isn’t doing anything except inviting her friends. I should also mention that he has lived with her his entire life because she financially depends on him. We are moving out, we plan to buy our first house in about six months. But until then how do I cope with someone who is so obsessed with her son, I feel like she’s constantly having a pissing match with me but I’m not pissing back. I try to talk to him about it and his solution is to tell her not to talk to me anymore, which isn’t what I want, I just want her to loosen her reins on him because she puts so much stress on the relationship sometimes that neither one of them are aware of and I feel like I am the only one who feels it. and by no means am I an emotional person but I am just so fed up that when I really sit here and think about it I could cry. She’s not a bad person, she’s actually a really good person, but living with her and having to constantly hear how much she loves him and everything else it’s really draining. Like when he comes home with a new car she’s always the first one out the door being his cheerleader and I want to be his cheerleader but his mother is too busy doing it that I don’t get the opportunity too. let it also be noted that he is an only child, and I do understand that, but I need my space, he’s going to be my partner for life just me and him, not me him and his mother. If anyone has any suggestions or advice I could really use it. Thank you. (link)
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So, if I read you correctly, you are planning to be with someone who has lived his entire life,now into his thirities, with his mother? And they are living together, have lived together and plan to continue the arrangement? His response advising his mother not to talk to you would only sow division and further alienate you and her. There are two choices available to him: either take a firm stand to support you and make certain that his mother knows you will now be his top priority, as his present and future partner; or, he can continue to remain a passive recipient of her intrusiveness in his life, (and yours!), indefinitely. So far, it would seem that he is leaning toward the latter. You are engaged to both of them, honey. This is a duo that has taken top priority over your life with him , from day one, and its probable that nothing will change, and that if you go ahead and marry him, you will be marrying her, as well. Decide now. Its either going to be the two of you, or the three of you, but if you don't want her to continue dominating and intruding, you will have to insist that he set some limits and stand up to her, and the reading on the wall thus far is that he just isn't up for it. Do not expect change, therefore, and if you go ahead and marry him, you most probably will be marrying her, as well. I can't tell you what to do; but if I could, I'd advise you to run like hell. Good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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Last summer, I (F/20) decided to go solo camping on some abandoned farmland just outside the city limits. There was a burn ban in effect, but I chose to make a campfire anyway. Long story short, it grew out of control and spread onto a neighboring farm, severely damaging a barn and the equipment inside it.
I was charged with reckless burning (a felony), pled guilty, and have been sentenced to nine months in the county jail. The judge was gracious enough to give me two weeks to get my affairs in order before I self-surrender. I now have ten days left.
I definitely played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. I wish more than anything that I could go back and stop that night from ever happening. But I know that's impossible and that I'll have to deal with the consequences of my stupidity.
I had been thinking of joining the military, but now that can never happen and I don't really have any other ambitions. I feel like I've destroyed my entire life and have no idea where I'll go from here. If anyone has any advice for a situation like this, I'm all ears cause I feel so lost right now. (link)
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By now, you will have already been incarcerated, so I don't know if you will receive this answer or not. You made an error in judgement and now must pay the piper. But do not believe you have "destroyed my entire life". Not so. What you can do is learn from your mistake and move on. Though one door (military) is now closed to you, many others remain open. The problem seems to be more that you are adrift without direction, ambition or a goal. You will have lots of time, now, to think and plan ahead. If there are any counseling or training programs available while you're in jail, take advantage of them. And when you are free again, go to school or get into some kind of training program. If you are a full time student, and you can do this relatively cheaply at a local junior college, career testing and counseling will be available to you at little or no cost. You need to find a direction and this may help guide you in a direction that will open doors for you. You should also explore whatever you might be able to do to expunge your arrenst and imprisonment record, if possible. The good news is that you have your whole life ahead of you, assuming you are of a young age, with time to find direction and purpose. Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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My wife passed away last December from cancer, this year has been very difficult for me. I've practically been isolated. I am still very devastated, I miss my wife so much. My neighbors gave me a gift and a card. When I opened the box it was a coffee mug with a face sculptured on it. The card read " So you don't feel alone when you're drinking." This really hurt and bothered me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? (link)
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I'm sorry for your loss, it must have been very difficult for you. Your neighbors attempted to cheer you up, but were rather lame brained about it. Don't be so offended, its only their dense obtuseness that got in the way of their feeble attempt to do something nice. What you might do, is to contact a grief counseling group to help support you through this time and reduce the isolation you've been experiencing. Hospital social workers can refer you, as can your physician, or even the reference section of your local library.You may also wish to try individual counseling for awhile. Thank your dumb neighbors for their good intentions and let it go. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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