I suppose I should introduce myself to you, and give you whatever I feel makes me quaified to do this.
Well, I'm Celena
And my Qualifications are: None.
I'm being completely honest, I'm totally underqualified.
But that's ok, because my sole purpose here is to entertain you.
I will answer questions truthfully and honestly, and giving the best advice I know how to give, as best as advice can be given from someone whose brain has been baked by Calculus, Unix and C++.
Also I suppose I should make some sort of a vision statment:
I promise, to you, my reader that I will keep this column as interesting and informative as the folks asking the questions allow.
There you are folks, I'm at your disposal, fire away.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Glorified Secretary. Computer Science Student
AIM: Celenachan
Member Since: December 3, 2003
Answers: 29
Last Update: October 4, 2005
Visitors: 3403
Main Categories:
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okay, i asked you guys about a 22 year old minister who loves me, a 14 year old. well, it's gotten worse. he's called me, and he told me that he had a dream about me, and we had sex. yikes! i really don't know what to do about him. i don't want to make him mad, because he knows my phone number and could easily find out where i live. any advice? (link)
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Yes. My advice is to listen to my first advice to you. And to learn to capitalize. My next advice is thus:
This man is a predator. Tell your parents or another responsible adult exactly what he said to you. If they refuse to do anything, disbelieve you, or feel you are creating drama, tell him that if he continues his current behavioral pattern you will not hesitate to file a release report. If he continues, follow up. What his is pursuing is illegal. That is, against the law. Meaning he is a criminal. Got it?
And for the love of all things shiny, get some therapy!
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Tecnically i need no help in the hmwrk feild. BUT. what do you think about me droppin spanish and persuiting my carrer in movies. (link)
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Alrighty, babe. You may think you need no help in whatever this hmwrk field you're jabbering about is, however in todays job market you're more likely to end up flipping burgers at Joe's Grub Shack than you are making movies with that attitude (and that spelling!). To be in movies takes more than a pretty face and a flippant attitude. Granted, a lot of the stars you see on TV aren't the shiniest pennies in the roll, possibly in the whole bank, but it takes time, effort and determination to get yourself under the eyes of the agents and publicists who are putting people on television and in the movies. Personally, I think you should pay more attention in English class, but your lack of propers spelling and capitalizion are probably not helping your Spanish work either. Personally, I think you need to let your ego drop some, and stop counting chickens. Somewhere along the way you are going to have to support yourself before you make plans to crash down on Hollywood in a blaze of glory. And in order to keep yourself alive, healty and supported in the meantime you are going to have to find an alternate job. The current job market is harsh enough on people who graduate with bachelors degrees. Much more so on people who drop their acedemic goals with the intent of seeing their name in lights.
Focus more on your school work and less on your designer jeans. It will get you farther in the end.
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Dear Celena,
I'm seeing a girl right now that I really like and I feel like I can tell her everything, but the thing is that sometimes I don't feel like it's mutual. It seems like she doesn't want to talk about anything very much and it makes it hard to connect. I thought that it might be because we were still early in the relationship, but it's been 2 months now and there are these uncomfortable periods of silence where neither of us can find anything to say that really make me wonder why she wants to be with me. Anyway, just looking for an outside opinion. Thanks for your help.
Signed,
Confused Sap (link)
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I'm not sure you and your girlfriend are on the same page, Confused Sap. Two months is still relatively early in the relationship, however I'd say the best way to get her to open up is to ask her questions about herself. Most girls love to talk about themselves given a little prodding, but don't want to bore you with things they feel are insignificant. On the other hand, if you show interest in these things they could go on for hours. Personally, Confused Sap, I think you and your girlfriend need to sit down and have a heart to heart about this. Tell her how you feel, and that you don't feel the relationship is moving anywhere. Chances are, she's been waiting to really talk to you too.
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Dear Celena,
Whenever I go to the bathroom, my urine smells like cigarette smoke. Is there anything you can do for me? I'm suffering.
ig (link)
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Well, ig, I'm not sure why you aren't taking this chance to cash in on a golden (sic) opportunity. Next time you take a leak, toss a lighted match in the jon. If it goes up like a blazing inferno, attempt to sell it as a environmentally friendly substitute for kerosene. If not, bottle it and market it as Narcotine (c) the all-new all-fresh high energy, low carb, Nicotine supplement energy drink.
P.S. I expect royalties.
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You see Celena, I have been on this kinda diet for about three months. I started at 254, and am currently at 214. While I personally can't see much difference (most of my weight is probably worked on muscle) My friend has decided that if I continue to my targeted weight ( I have decided 190) That I will look like an absolute stick with a Big Cranium. Now at the moment I still am fat, in a sense that I wear large clothes, and don't feel I carry my weight well. Should I continue to lose that last 25 pounds or follow my friends advice and try to find a way to be happy while still fat.
~Sincerely~
Just_an_act (link)
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Wow! Congratulations on your dieting success, Just an act! There are, in my opinion two rules to dieting:
1. Make sure that what you are doing is healthy for you. I read recently that all too people are getting confused between what is healthy and what is slender by societal standards. You can make sure your diet, and goal is heathy by consulting your doctor before making any life-altering decisions.
2. The object of the diet is to achieve personal satisfaction and not to meet someone else's ideal. As long as your decisions are healthy, the most important thing is that you are satisfied with you.
So, Just an act, I don't see a problem with you losing the extra twenty five pounds as long as you are healthy. Your friend should respect your goals and if they are any kind of a good friend will be understanding.
Additionally, the reason why you haven't noticed a significant difference is that you loose weight gradually and you see yourself everyday. Try looking through some old photos. I guarantee you will see a significant difference. Once again, congratulations!
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Dear Celena,
What is the meaning of life?
-Random Werido (link)
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Hey there, Random Weirdo. The meaning of life is to find God's purpose for you and fullfill it. Barring that, eat a lot of cheese.
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hey. well, to get right to it, there's this guy i fell in love with. he's a senior, and i'm a freshman, but i still love him more than life itself. but there are so many problems....he is my 19th cousin...do u think that's bad? then there's his "new" girlfriend. and the fact that he loves his 3rd cousin, which is worse than me. but the real problem is he is a vampire. i'm serious. he sucks his blood and everything! he's even tried to kill me a number of times. but i still fell in love with him somehow. but the day i found out he had a girlfriend, i slit my wrist 23 times. i've been doing it every night for almost a month now because of him. now, i'm not pretty or skinny, so it's not like i have another guy to like instead. do you have any advice? and then...there's my second problem. i'm 14, and there's this really nice, really sweet 22 year old who loves me. and i have no clue what to do. he's a minister, but he has a bad past and reputation. some of my friends are afraid that he'll rape me or something like that. but i like him alot. what should i do? cuz it's kinda illegal.......well, thanks in advance for any help you can offer. Bye (link)
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Wow. Would you like the short answer or the long one? Wait, I know! I'll give you the short answer and then move gracefully into the long one. The short answer is about three words long. Are you ready? Got your scratch pad? A pen? Good. You'll want to take this down:
Therapy, Therapy, Therapy!
Now here's the long answer.
I don't know who started this chaotic mess in your life, but it's time for you to break the cycle, and you can start by breaking it off, not with one, but with both of these men. Vampire Boy is obviously unhealty for you. Of course, he was probably abused as well, but that's no excuse for his violent acting out. You being cousins, regardless of how close, does not even come near the top of the reasons I would be locking you away from this boy. But I do think you need to look inside yourself and think long and hard about what attracts you to such a chaotic, issue-filled man. Then you need to work at never being attracted to those things again. Also, you need to tell them to a Therapist. Moving on.
Onto Minister Boy. Are you sure he's not a Catholic Priest? I don't care if he's so sweet, he blows gumdrops out of his nose instead of snot. The man is twenty-two years old. And you are fourteen. I don't care how developed or mature you are or think you are, the man is a criminal. If you get involved with him, and anyone presses charges he WILL go to jail. Also, your friends are, it seems, a good deal wiser than you on this one. I'd say that this may be one of the few safe times to listen to what they have to say.
Now, to adress your desire to cut your arms to ribbons. Stop that. And stop it quickly. None of these chaotic, asshole men are worth a pinprick on any girl's body. That statement merely solidifies my opinion that you desperately need therapy.
As stated above. You need to find a therapist, or at the least a mature, responsible adult to talk these things through with. You are too young to be dealing with this kind of chaos alone, or even with a group of young chaotic friends.
In closing:
Don't. Get. Pregnant.
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There's this girl named Celena. I don't really know anything about her! I was wondering how to become a girl's best friend if I don't know her.
- Amuro (amuro@higashisound.com) (link)
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Well, Amuro, the first thing to do is obviously write into this girl's advice column. Then she will be able to see and understand the extent of your desire to get to know her. Also, She might mention the fact that she noticed the email adress she previously had for you is no longer a working adress, because she tried to send you a survey telling you things about herself last week. Also, you might try sending her an email.
P.S. I have an insiders tip that this girl named Celena thinks you're a real cool dude.
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How can I get my plastic glow in the dark stars to stay on my ceiling? That puddy stuff they give you just doesn't seem to be working and if I don't do something fast someone could lose an eye. (link)
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First of all, you need to fix this problem quickly, because right after crazy men in dark alleys who jump out with knives and stab your eyes out, plastic ceiling stars are THE leading cause of vision loss amoung American Youth today. (Well, that and over exposure to Christina Augulera's growing stomach)
However, my suggestion to you is, it's time for you to return to the basics. That is, it's time for you to head down to your local Wal-mart and purchase an all-time American Classic. That's right. Duct tape. Not only will it keep those pesky stars from puncturing your aorta whilst you sleep, but you can also use it to fix just about anything, from leaky pipes to annoying younger siblings.
And you know, it just might hold those boyband posters to your walls, too.
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