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Why dont i feel i deserve to be happy?
and self sabotage literally everything? I'm 18 and I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. But at the same time, I don't feel like I deserve all my big dreams and thus don't put work into getting them, and just end up in this rut. growing up I was pretty lonely and had no close friends at school, especially my last 2 years of high school, which were hell because of the "isolation" or "rejection", whatever you'd call it, worsened because my family moved to a different state, halfway across the country. I just can't seem to get over my frustrations about the past, and how my high school experience was the last thing I expected to happen. no wild parties, no boyfriends (never been asked out, but I've crushed on many guys and never said a thing. getting rejected once in 5th grade was enough to scare me from being forward), no girl friends to hang out with (I feel like everyone was just an acquaintance at school, just varying levels of acquaintance), etc. my parents think it should be easy for me to just let go the past but it's helped make me who I am.. like I have social anxiety and internet addiction cause I feel I go online when I want to connect with others. it's why i'm really into music too, but music isn't enough. i'd give up listening to all my favorite music for true love, because my music is just an attempt to fill a void that can't be filled in such way. I don't even know... I like how I look, I just don't get what others didn't like about me to where I basically was a loner even though I'm actually pretty extroverted. I feel like I'm letting my past get in the way of me moving on.. but I don't even know if I want to move on cause it still frustrates me. like my family loves me and tries to help but I have this thing where I really want to be loved by someone who didn't have to love me back, someone not in my family, basically. its silly cause there are people who had bad families who turned out as good people, and I've been privileged with a lot more than most people in the world and yet I still feel this way and it's so draining but I don't want to put my career down the drain. and yet my actions speak differently than my words
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
awh, seems like your going through a very rough time and i do, truly, and whole heartedly understand you!
so what your going through is pretty tough, obviously from your past high school experiences you haven't really focused on the present and the future!!
what do you want to do? what do you want to become? set some goals, go out, adventure!! your 18, with a full, bright life ahead of you and your thinking about the past!
when you set your goals, go out and adventure you WILL find someone, but you have to know who YOU are and what you want before start looking at, and becoming involved in other people lives, make sure your at that mental state to have that love and relationship you've always wanted, it will come, don't worry, love will find you!
hoped this helped, and good luck with your life and the future!!
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