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i have a very narcissistic dad and i dont know what to do
14/f my parents are divorced. to list a few why hes a narc here it goes: first he didnt want to see me and my little brother on saturdays because that was his nap day, mhmmm like thats not fucked up. then he wanted me and my brother who are very active and passionate about our sports, he wanted us to quit our sports. and my mom and the mediator were like are you outta your fucken mind. like fuck no there not quitting sports so they can wait around for you on sunday for you to take them out to lunch. yes, we dont sleepover, never had becasue he only has a studio apartment and i dont think its even allowed by the court because theres not enough room, not that i'd even want to stay. even though i made it clear he should just move in with his gf who owns a house so everything would be easier, not saying i would sleep over bc i barely know the chick. but it would make things more comfortable. anyway so for three years, when i was 11, thats when they separated, he made me go back and forth back and forth. he didnt want to talk to my mom at all even though he was ordered countless times that he needs to directly speak to my mom not through me or my little brother, then he suggested that he go through one of my 2 older brothers, but the judge ruled that crazy shit out. and now i finally get it, that its all about him. when i dont answer his texts, it like answer me, and he just acts crazy. i told my mom how i feel about all this and she totally gets it because she was married to him. my therapist said get it all off your chest and tell him how you FEEL not dad i hate you you've done a,b,c,d things to me blahh blahh because ive done that before it didnt work. so i said to my therapist but hes for sure not gonna listen or get it i know for a fact i know him. and she just said ok but it doesnt matter you still need to tell him how you feel and how his bad behavior has affected you so even if he doesnt "hear" you or get it, at least you get it off your chest. so im going to sit down and talk to him one on one. im kinda anxious i dont know exactly what hes gonna say but it would a million percent surprise me if he said sorry or showed any sympathy. im not asking for anything unusual, i just want him to be there for me, and if he cant then i guess he cant and ill cross that bridge when i get there. im going to remind myslef not to lose my temper, because if i did it would be horrible. hes hurt me so bad, and made me feel like shit, etc. can anyone tell me why that i might feel a little bad for confronting him (which i have no problem with doing with anyone or him) and why i still care about him. and dont just say because hes your dad because you obviously dont know what the fuck your talking about becasue my sister never had a relationship with him and hates him. plus i have my friends dad, who is a great male figure. hes like the dad i never had. im really blessed i have him. i feel closer to him than my real dad. so why am i still holding on to my real dad if i know this relationship is doomed becasue trust me ive trieddddddd sooo many times to make it work, but everyone knows you cant compromise with a narc and if he expects me to be accompanied by his excessive attention wanting needs then im done. i dont need this shit. but for now can anyone give some advice on some tips on what to say and how to control my anger towards while talking to him? i dont want to explode unless he says some mean cruel shit because if he wants to go there i can go back at him 10x harder, i doubt he'll try me but i told my therapist and mom that im prettyyyy damn sure he'll be like well thats not how i see it, and you gotta look how i was feeling (i dont give a flying fuck what you were going through, listen to your kid god damnit, because i guarentee i WAS going through worse shit)< thats exactly what i dont want to end up saying but i fear he'll end up pushing me in that direction. any advice is helpful. thankyouuu:) ps i figure i gotta face this right? i mean 3 years in is long enough..
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Wow long story. I skipped to the end lol. If your question is how to make him care and stop being a doushebag then talk to a councler or your mother. Tell them how you feel about this and explain everything. Im 13/f and my best frands parents are divorced! But, know that he is sorta depressed or lazy. Love him, he is your father after all.
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