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Long Story Short, Really Depressed?
I posted a question about whether or not I should get an abortion and I decided to do it, thinking it was what I definitely wanted. However, now I feel incredibly depressed and emotionally weak. I don't feel suicidal, I get the occasional thought but I'm trying to keep those thoughts away.
Obviously the main reason for this is the abortion itself - since I had it done, besides the day or two after where I felt relief, I haven't been able to stop thinking about my life with a baby. I feel really selfish and guilty that I gave up the life of something that would have made me happy. I'm only nearly 16 but I keep thinking how happier I would be now if I kept the baby. Maybe I'm just blind to it; I'm feeling kind of empty at the moment...
It isn't generally things such as talking about the abortion with anyone that upsets me - it's usually normal, daily things such as watching TV or seeing parents with young children. Sometimes, it can be kids toys or equipment... Call me weird, but if I look at it, it reminds me of it more.
Now that I've explained the main bit of what's going on, I just want to know how I can stop feeling like this. I feel like a complete freak, if I'm honest. I've only got one friend who's had an abortion and no one else I've spoken to seems to fully understand how serious and difficult it is.
I don't want judgement for my choice to abort, I just need help. Thank you xx
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This will take time, lots of it. You had an abortion and now you're grieving for the child you nearly had. People often think you should get over such a death easier than if it was a living child, but humans don't work that way.
I had a termination 25 years ago and still grieve for my lost child quite often.
Give yourself time to find your life again, the image of the child will fade a bit, but will always be with you.
At only 16, life would've been very hard with a child on your own. Possibly you did the best thing, so give yourself a chance.
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Like you've stated prior, there is no way for anybody to understand what you're going through except those who have gone through it.
I have not.
I can tell you though, that it is something that you'll have to figure out on your own. I cannot imagine the amount of pain or depression you're going through, but take comfort in the fact that you're not alone.
Reflect on the reasons you had the abortion to begin with. Most people, after getting abortions, seem to think about what it would have been like if they'd kept the child, but they always seem to think that it would have been glorious. Raising a happy healthy baby, having a secure life, raising a contributing member of society. That's not always the realistic case, though. Chances are, at 16 with a screaming infant, you wouldn't have been able to finish school. You wouldn't have been able to get an education, and you AND the child would be suffering to make ends meet. To be honest, you probably made the best decision for yourself. I won't tell you my thoughts on abortion, but I can see your reasoning for getting one. You have to think of yourself too, and it's simply not fair for you to struggle so much to raise a baby and therefore make the innocent child suffer as well.
It's probably something you'll never 'get over', but it's not something you have to be depressed about all the time. Show that baby that you'll make something of yourself, despite what you've gone through. Don't just lay down and die burrowed in your self-loathing and depression. That does nothing.
Be proactive about the situation and make something of yourself. Don't let this almost-child's life be in vein.
Best of luck to you!
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