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remember me?
hey so i'm that girl who asked you all those questions about getting back together with my boyfriend over the summer and going on vacation with him. (we started dating aug. 11.2008 broke up april 26th 2009 then started going back out july 20th 2009 and now broke up again november 27th 2008 :/)
okay so tonight he dumped me. again. i can't sleep, i can't eat, and theres this huge hole in my heart. i told myself i would never get this attached but its too late, because i am. it is impossible for me to get over him....three months wasn't enough i feel like its going to be longer this time if we don't end up getting back together.
he said he broke up with me because he feels like i contribute way more in the relationship than he does and he feels like its not fair to me. but then he said he loves me and cares about me and doesn't know what to expect after we break up....i said to him "i want to be sure this is what you want because i'm not coming back this time"....he said "yeah i know..id be a jerk to ask you out again" he said that ill always have an effect on him because its the first love kinda thing with both of us.
its really weird too because like a week ago he was telling me how the first time we broke up he was a mess and thought of me every night thinking that it would go away but it didn't for 3 months. so he asked me back out and things were good but then he said that he felt like he didn't want to hang out with me sometimes and wanted to be with his friends but thats understandable because i do too. ugh i know i said i wasn't coming back, but deep down i know i am if he will....im so crazy abot this guy....
and one more thing, everytime he says "i love you" like a couple months later we break up....i've mentioned this to him and he seems afraid of it...he says he meant it and i'm positive that he meant it becase i can tell especially the way he looked into my eyes but he says he doesn't want to be like an old married couple already and i think the words "Ilove you" remind him of that.
what do you think is the best way to play it so we can get back together? should i tell him all of this? he said he wanted to try the friends thing so we can hang out after a little awhile. but we hung out last time we broke up by ourselves and we ended up getting back together...he said he wanted to start hanging out in groups first though so that doesn't happen...but i secretly want it to :/ when should i call him/text him? like how long should i give it? i know i should wait until he texts me first but he told me to let him know when i'm ready to hang out again. this is seriously the hardest thing i've ever been through.
i want him back so badly. im trying the best i could to stay positive but things aren't going so well. i'm so in love and this is eating me from the inside out. i want him back. i know he loves me. he's just so confused and he has family problems going on at home (his mom is cheating on his dad overseas) and i want to be there for him i love him so much and i honestly think he's making a hugee mistake. how do i get him back? please help :(
oh and after we talked he said i can call if i needed anything...
oh and im also friends with one of his close friends....should i talk to him about it?.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'll start with the last question- no you shouldn't talk to his friend about it because if you do, there's a big chance that he'll go tell your ex boyfriend whatever it is that you said. It's not good to talk to a mutual friend about these sort of issues.
It sounds to me like the guy is afraid to make a full committment to you or anyone else right now. You've told him that you think you contribute equally or that you don't mind; but he's still saying he can't do it. It sounds like it's just an escape from the relationship because he's not ready for a very serious relationship.
Also, with his mum cheating on his dad, it could very well be that he's lost his faith in relationships somewhat. Being with you might remind him that his mother is betraying his father who is fighting for his country. When something like that happens, it takes a while for the person to realise that there can still be true love.
If I were you, I would tell him the things that you've told me here (which it sounds like you have to a certain extent). Tell him that if he really needs to take a break from it, you'll still be there for him as a friend but that you're not going to hook up with him or anything like that.
Then you have to commit to what you tell him. If you tell him you're not going to go back with him, then you do, you're not going to have as much respect from him. He'll think that he can just ask you out and break up with you whenever he wants and you'll always take him back.
It's hard to stick to your guns, but you have to do whatever you have to do to not take him back if that's really what you want to do or need to do.
That might mean you can't hang out with him anymore (even in a group) or talk to him for a while.
You need to ask yourself if you really want him back if he's going to keep changing his mind about whether or not he really wants to be with you. It seems like he has quite a few commitment issues and you need to decide if that's something you want to put yourself through at this point in your life.
Hope it helps,
Darby(:
::EDIT:: In response to the questions in your feedback, if I were you I would just let things go. I think not talking for a month or so would be good for both of you. If you do love each other, you'll both miss each other a lot in that time. But in a relationship, you can't just go out for a few months then break up for a month or so and keep cycling like that.
Every relationship has that honeymoon phase where you want to be together all the time and you're really happy together. That fades away with time, and that's normal. You don't have to hang out every single day or text each other every second of every day when you're not together.
You guys have to learn how to balance your relationship and your life in general. Don't make everything revolve around each other if you do start dating again because your relationship isn't stable enough and you'll probably end up getting hurt again.
I think you should not talk to each other for a while. Don't make it exactly one month because you'll just be clinging to the hope of being able to hang out with him again in a month. Just take a break and keep your mind open while you're on that break. A lot can happen in a month and you aren't together so don't avoid getting to know new people or get too surprised if he gets to know other people, too.
If after a while you still have those feelings for him, then you can see if he wants to hang out again. Until then, just try to relax and put more of your energy into school or friends.
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