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First Rough Patch
Well it goes like this.
I have been dating a wonderful guy for about 5 months now, and I couldn't be happier. We met at college but are now long distance for the summer. I see him every couple or weeks or so. I am his first serious girlfriend- he has never told a girl I love you. He says he isn't even sure what it means.
A little over a week ago, he was in a cranky mood. I asked if it had anything to do with me, and he said he thought so and we talked for several hours. Basically, he said he wasn't sure of his feelings about me and had thoughts of breaking up with me occasionally. He said he felt suffocated because I wanted to talk so much, etc.
Prior to this conversation, I had gotten upset a couple times that he wouldn't say he loves me. I now realize that was ridiculous of me to expect after a few months, but it is what I had known in relationships. I have told him this when we talked about that conversation, but I think it still bothers him.
I gave him space for the week and continue to do so by not initiating many conversations and letting him come to me. For the fourth he took me to his family cook out and introduced me to everybody as his girlfriend. I was still worried so we talked some more about it. He said he just felt weird because when he thinks about it, he feels like he should feel stronger about me after 5 months than he does- specifically, closer to the L word. I asked if it was the space issue, the me bugging him about I love yous, etcetc. He says he isn't sure, but thinks it might be a combination of things. He worries that his feelings might ever get there, but this sounds ridiculous to me because how does anybody really know that anyway?
So what can I do? Just give him space and see what happens? I feel really worried because I don't want to lose him. I've tried to convince him that I'm totally okay with it taking awhile for his feelings to get there, but I think he feels like he is letting me down ad thinking about it too much. Any thoughts?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Honestly, I think saying the L word after five months is a little ambitious, and I think you should give him time to think about it.
I just got out of a relationship because the feelings I thought I had weren't there, and she agreed. My point is, if you don't let him sort out his feelings and if you keep forcing him to be in the relationship by not letting him think them out, things are going to end badly.
So, let him sort himself out. Give him time. I think he deserves it.
--Jack
(17/m)
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