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chose the other one, but now want him.
17/F
Sort of long.
I am currently on an exchange for one year, with 2 months left before I go home.
At the beggining of my exchange I met these two great guys, another American like me, and a Brasilian. I started fallling for them both pretty hard. It was not serious with either of us, and the more I saw them, the more I liked them. I started getting more serious with the American, but still really wanted the Brasilian. A part of me thinks I only chose the american because it was a comfort zone, I know how americans are, and we can relate to each other in more ways. So after a while me and him were pretty close and the Brasilian kept wanting me to go to his house, which I was not comfertable with because well brasilians are knows for just having sex and playing around. So I told him I prefered the other guy so he would stop asking me over. So then I was commited to the american, but just something inside of me wanted the Brasilian, a part of me knew I should be with him. About 4 months after I chose the american, we broke up and I took the chance to make things right with the Brasilian. Only to find out he didn't want me because I was still kissing other guys, which shocked me because Brasilians are all about hooking up, no seriouse business. So for the next couple weeks I really tried getting him to notice me, and then he finally kissed me and we were sort of together. We can't really see each other that often because I have rules and stuff with my exchange. But recently again he said "you were my number one, you prefere the other guy, you could have had me as your boyfriend until now, how do I know you wont chose the other one again" and I told him "I chose you, I chose someone who lives in a different country knowing I might never see you again but I am still willing to try, everything I do, shows how much I care for you and that I chose you." and in all honesty, he is the only one I want, he is my number one.
How do I fix things?
All he sees now is that I left him before for the other guy and that I might do it again.
Here I am giving it all I got, calling him, texting him, wanting to hang out, and he just ignores me. And he has the nerve to say I am his number one and that I prefere the other guy yet he does nothing to show I am his number one.
ahhhh what do I do.
Oh and also, about a week before this happened he was talking about how he wants to get a green card and come live with me in the US. And that coming from a Brasilians mouth, it means something.
-Lost&confused
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The mistake you made here is generalizing all Brazilians into one category. No group of people have the exact same feelings about anything, because a group is full of individuals. And individuals have different morals, opinions, and goals.
Even though you really want this guy, you need to look at the positives. You're going back to the states in a couple months. Things would be very complicated when you leave if you started dating now.
Just because he said he would get a green card and come live with you doesn't mean he would. And you're seventeen, how would your family feel about that? How would you feel about that? You're only seventeen. Would you want to be around him 24/7?
All of that aside, if you really still want to keep trying with this guy, I'd give it one more go. Try to do it in person and in private, wherever that may be. Tell him that you made a mistake and that you could tell you did even when you were still with the American. Tell him that you're sorry and that you only want to be with him. Tell him that you learned from your mistake and that it won't happen again.
If he doesn't believe you or doesn't want to try to move forward with a relationship, you'll have to move on. You can't make a guy want to be in a relationship with you, and texting/calling him after he states he doesn't want to date will only push him further away.
Good luck,
Darby
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