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Was I too Easy for him? Extended
I noticed that you seem to have a lot of patience for others questions, and the fact that you are also a 19 year old boy makes things a lot easier.
17/F--JOHN-Boy/18
Long Post. I'm sorry I write a bit detailed.
Alright so last year I moved to a new school. There was a boy I didn't like at first but as I got to know him I got really sprung off of him[I'm not anymore though]. He showed that he liked me back, and we would flirt when we saw eachother. We only did a small peck on the lips once.
But this year I've gotten close to him as a friend and I know I like him a lot now for reasons....and I told him that I liked him and he told me that he liked me back and was attracted to me, but he wasn't interested in having a girlfriend right now...that it wasn't what was on his mind. We talk about it sometimes and really I'm the one who brings it up and still he says pretty much the same thing. Haha,you could say that I’m good with the family as well…I've gone to a resturaunt called Claim Jumpers with him, his mom and his 5 year old sister...and I've also been to the store with them a couple of times. She likes me a lot. He told me that his mom was talking to him about girls once and she asked, "Well what about that [my name] girl?" For a mom to ask her son about a girl....Shouldn't I be the perfect one for him? And why can’t he see it?!
We have this wierd relationship, where I know I'm the perfect on for him but he just doesn't seem to like me as much as I do him. I don't even know if I want to go out with him or anything right now because I don't really feel like going out with someone. I already told him that I wasn't asking him out one time, and he said that he knew I wasn't. I said that I would never ask a guy out because that was stupid, and he said, "Well all the girls I've gone out with they've asked me...." I looked at him grinning, and asked, "You're used to having girls come after you aren't you? Who do you think you are?" He just laughed and shrugged.
I'm not used to going after boys because I have a bit of a pride kind of thing. I'm not concieted but I have quite a lot of confidence in my looks and I'm used to having guys chase after me, so this one is new for me. Maybe like a challenge. I feel like the other girls at my school let guys run all over them, and I refuse to be the same. I have mostly guy friends, and only a couple girl friends [I don't get a long well with girls] which is what I'm known for. However mostly everyone knows that I'm a virgin, so they can't say anything about me. I know I'm probably the girl that he sees the most on a daily basis, and I'm a close friend. Sometimes he'll buy me food and things and I don't have to ask. Sometimes he'll act protective over me and say, "this is my woman" or something like that haha. And I constantly give him advice on things that I feel he needs to change. We agree on a lot of things and we've never gotten into an arguement EVER. I feel like he has a lot of respect for me and we have even talked about me being a virgin and told me that I need to stay a virgin until I get married.
He has this stupid nickname for me , that he'll sometimes call me in front of other people, and the school's trainer even asked if he was my boyfriend. Recently he started smacking me on my butt when he walked by, and say, "Hey babe" and I would be like, "Hey!" But then when I told him later, that I didn't mind that he did it because I like him, he was smiling and asked, "You let me get away with it because you like me? You shouldn't do that...Some guys might take advantage of you." And after that he stopped doing it. My BEST guy friend was like, "I think every person has someone that they would never "grease" [to do someone wrong, make them look stupid, be rude to them]...And I think you're his person." That meant a lot to me, and I feel like I'm really important to him, but whenever I talk to him about me and him, I feel like I'm not as important as I thought I was. It's not that he says anything mean, I'm just always expecting him to act more than he does.
So Saturday on Valentine's Day he pretty much brought up the idea of me coming over and I said I would. Usually I think he's joking about it, or sometimes he makes hints that he kinda wants me to come over, but I usually say I have to go home. My mom's pretty strict. I then discovered his family wasn't home and I've never been over his house alone with him. So anyways, we were just talking and then he went to go shower, playin around telling me he wanted me to join him. I laughed and said you wish! And he was like, "I'm serious!" But I just laughed it off. He isn't very forward it seems, like he gave a few signals that he wanted to kiss me but I was thinking too much about what it would mean. I have this thing where I feel like I never want to be taken advantage of, so I want to make sure that it'll never happen. So we were laying down on his bed just watching a movie, and I was just laying on his shoulder. Then I started talking about us again and asked him, if we were ever going to talk or be anything more than friends. Not now, just maybe in the future." He said that he didn't know. He’s not talking to anyone right now either. I also asked if there was any other girls that he would think about going out with before me, and he said that he hadn't really thought about it. By this time I was thinking, "How can you be a boy and really not be thinking about this kinda stuff?!?!" I asked if it was akward and he said not really. It was probably more akward for me than it was him. So then I told him, “well I feel like I’m waiting for you, like I always have this feeling something will happen in the future between us. But you keep saying you don’t know….Should I just stop liking you?” He looked at me as if he had never heard a question like this before, “Well…I don’t know…If something comes up and it happens then I guess…. “ I then told him that I didn’t want to do things with him that would make me like him more, because I didn’t want to be taken advantage of. he laughed and was like, “what would you want to do?” and I said, “everything but not if I’m not going out.” He looked at me with big eyes, "Everything?" I laughed and said, "If I ever asked you to have sex with me, would you say yes?" He was like, "...Probably!" Either way, I left on good terms with him, a big hug but we didn’t kiss or anything [partly because I kept holding myself in fear that I didn't know how to kiss].
Still, I feel as if I was just too easy for him and I’m kinda giving up on him as much as I don’t want to. My mom says maybe if I stop chasing him, and he sees me started to fall away from him, he'll be like, "Wait come back!" I wonder if that's true...I think that maybe he's just used to me always being there, like I'm kinda of like a sort of security for him. And I think that's really what I want him to be for me, but he's so confusing! I think he's also not used to chasing after or pursuing girls, and I wonder if he just doesn't really know what he's doing.
What should I do? And [Guys] do you think I was too easy for him?
And how do you think he feels about me?
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Your situation sounds like a situation I had with a girl a couple years back. Try to keep an open mind when listening to the situation from my (the guy's standpoint) and see if the two situations are as similar as I imagine they are.
I had a friend who was a little over a year younger than me, and the day I met her I thought she was honestly the most gorgeous girl I had ever met. We clicked immediately and I got to know her extremely well.
We were on the same page everywhere except for sexually. She was pretty much innocent in every way, and I was less innocent (much less so). Anyways, I felt bad about pursuing her as a girlfriend, so I started to view her as more of a friend or someone i needed to protect.
I considered her to be a person I needed to watch out for and take care of and essentially abandon all sexual desires for. She constantly hinted at wanting more, but I was fairly stubborn and didn't take the hints.
Anyway, the story ends with me eventually caving in and us dating for about a year before I moved (to another country) and the relationship became an impossibility.
What I'm trying to say is that it's obvious the guy cares about you. He may joke around about sex with you (I did it with this girl), but he doesn't mean it seriously. I think he wants to protect you from everything (including himself) so he's very reserved on all fronts.
If you want him to like you, you may have to show that you're not as perfect as he perceives you. That would be a matter of how strong your morals are. It's not easy for someone who really wants to be sexually active to enter a relationship that is not physical beyond first base. On the other hand, it would be hard for you to maintain your moral standards whilst constantly being bombarded by his desires for more.
My advice is to not pursue a relationship with him at this point. I know you like him. I know it looks like it would work on paper, but I also know from my experience that the odds are stacked against you in the long run. If I could bend the course my life has taken me, I would have waited to engage in a physical relationship with that girl, and we might have stood a chance.
Enjoy the friendship you have with him, and maybe it will go somewhere, but that needs to be at a time that you both feel is right. It sounds like you have a guy that genuinely cares about you and isn't looking to get in your pants. It's a good situation most girls never experience. Take advantage of it.
Also, to your last question, I think you're being too standoffish if anything. From what you have said about your interactions with him. It sounds like you've verbally told him you want to take the next step, but you aren't demonstrating that to him. Actions speak louder than words. Good luck.
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