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he is not ready..and i need to know why or how to go about this
Me and this guy have known each other for almost two years now, and we started out going out and broke up after a month, but just got alot closer. Anyway a year and a half later we are really close and we like each other. Anyway, there is something that is keeping him from me. But there is this other guy that likes me and I had feelings for him but my feelings for this other guy that I love was keeping me from saying yes to him. So I asked him (the guy who I like) what he wanted, and he told me that he didnt want me to be with the other guy because he would miss me and he wouldn't know what he would do without being as close as we are now. I told him I needed to a reason to stay, because I knew he wanted me to stay with him (even though we are not going out) And he said that he liked me but he wasn't ready to date me, because any relationship we would have would be serious and he didn't want a serious relationship. I asked him what he was ready for, and joking he said "some hoe on the street". I told him he wouldnt care about her, and he told me that was the point, he cared about me too much. He said because we are in high school breaking up would inevitable (he is one grade ahead of me) and he couldn't risk our friendship. I told him he made me happy and that I wanted to be with him, and he told me I made him happy but he couldn't give me the relationship he knows I dream about. What I need to know is if this is true, I'm not sure if this is an excuse or what makes guys not ready. And if he liked me how come he doesn't want a serious relationship. He says he cares about me. I told him I didn't really want a serious relationship but he said he didn't believe that because I get emotionally attached. At that moment we almost kissed (both of us have never kissed anyone before). But we were in his doorway to his room and I didn't want his parents to walk in on us, so I told him not now. When I texted him this morming I asked him if the feeling of kissing me had passed (because we are hanging out next weekend and I want to kiss him then) and he texted back that he told me yesterday that he wasn't ready to date me so it wouldn't be fair to me. Was that a rejection, I do want to kiss him, and I know he wants to kiss me. I just don't know what to make of this situation. I dont know whether he is bulls******* me. And I need to understand his feelings and I also need to understand what I should do next. And I need thorough advice on how to go about this. I love him, and I really think he loves me. HELP PLEASE!!!
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Wow girl, this truly is a tough one, and I can only do the best I can, but I'll do my best. In my opinion, if this guy really cared about you as much as he says, he would go for it. And honestly, does not dating and straining your relationship (you wanting to date, him not wanting to) benefit you more than dating, when both of you would actually be mutually happy, taking the risks of a breakup of course. I really think that it's selfish of this guy, telling you he doesn't want to date you, but that you can't date anyone else (I'm sorry if that offends you but I'm being 100% honest).
ACtually, I've had something a little bit similar happen to me in the past, except he has been my best friend for over 4 years now. I was crazy about the kid at the start for 2 years, then he told me he didn't want to date, for one cause he wasn't interested, but 2nd cause he didn't want to wreck our friendship. Then, 2 years after that happened, he pulled me aside, telling me he liked me alot and it's always been that way. To tell you the truth, I felt the same way, but after weeks of thinking (I left on holidays the day he told me), I realized that I didn't want to lose him. He was the only guy I had ever felt so close to (and believe me there were those almost kissing moments you felt as well), and I realized AFTER i told him I was just as crazy about him that he was too special to lose. A few weeks later, I started seeing this guy from my work more & more, and at first I was worried it would bother him.
But he realized I wasn't his property and that I still deserved to be happy.
I realize I'm pretty much babbling on, and I really don't know if that helped at all, but all in all, I think you deserve to be happy. Relationships aren't supposed to be stressful, so don't worry, soon enough, something will come up, whether it's the boy who can't make up his mind, or another, but you won't need to be worrying, you'll be happy. I think you need to talk it out with the guy, find out exactly what he wants. And what YOU want, that's what matters most. YOU need to happy, because it's your life.
I don't know this guy, cause he could be truly genuine, or be screwing around with you, just wanting to be able to hook up with other girls without you knowing.
Things vary alot.
But to sum it up, think about it for awhile. Don't rush anything. And good luck.
I really hope this helped, and am horribly sorry if it didn't, but message me with how it goes, or any clarifications/other questions okay?
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