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Ugh
16/f
In May of 05, I started to date this guy and I really loved him. However, I ended up cheating on him, and lying to him. When we broke up, he told me that he hated me and that he never loved me. He then proceeded to push all of my flaws into my face as if I wasn't insecure enough. Anyways, I realized that what he said was right, and I changed. I changed for the better, and I changed for myself. I also changed for him. 2 years later, I am a completely different person. I don't lie, I don't cheat & I'm not immature anymore. I'm not the stupid 14 year old girl I used to be.
Lately, I've been going through a lot of experiences & changes in my life. 2 friends just died, my parents are divorcing, I'm poor & I'm about to be homeless, and we've started talking again. He's been helping me through these things mainly because he's been through some of them himself & he knows how these things feel & are. He understands me. I recently came to terms with myself and realized that I still loved him & that I never actually stopped like I thought I did. So, I messaged him on MySpace and told him exactly how I felt. He told me "It's not going to work out." and I asked him how he knew & he said "I don't." So I got mad because he's pushing away something he doesn't know the outcome of. I'm willing to try again if he is, and I changed myself for him, and he just doesn't see it. I am the only girl who will ever love him this way, and the only girl will accept the things she was given [no matter how much they hurt her] & change them.
I want him to realize that I'm not going anywhere. I want him to realize that he's my only one, and that he is the one I love. I honestly don't care about anyone else. I'm a fairly pretty girl, and I'm not conceited, but I could have anyone I want, but I don't want anyone else. That is the difference, I want him. I would rather have him, flaws & all, over anyone else in this world.
Since he has rejected me, I feel empty. The boy who made me feel alive, and the boy who made me feel whole doesn't love me, so I'm numb again. How exactly do I deal with this? I know I've done it before when he pushed my flaws down my throat, but I'm not quite sure how to pick myself up off of the floor again. Do you have any ideas on what it is I should do? I'm suffering from depression with what's going on as it is, and this feeling he's given me had added to it. I don't know what to say to him to make him listen or at least think, but I don't know what else to do. I'm at wits end here..Help?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I can really tell you like this guy. Most questions like this don't go this deep. It's obvious you can't just forget about him. And since you didn't say you told him all of this- I guess all you can do now are two things:
A) Completely forget about him and just move on.
B) Tell him everything you just told me.
I think it would be most beneficial to go with the latter of the two. Just be honest with him and tell him how much of a change you've made in yourself just to be with him. Maybe he'll realize he actually likes you. This probably sounds like a "guilt him into it" type of thing.. and I hope it doesn't. Its just if you're honest with him, maybe he'll realize that you really did change and that you won't cheat on him and lie about it. He's just uneasy because you hurt him. It takes guys a longer time to heal than girls think. A girl rejected me last year, and I'm still not completely over. Sure, I don't think about it every day, but it still hurts. With time, maybe he'll realize he really does like you; you just can't force him to like you, like the movies.
Sorry if this is not helping.. its 1:00 in the morning and I'm sort of tired.
--Jack
(15/m)
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