|
hey im the person who asked about my "minute man" bf and how he only lasts about 5 min everytime... i realise that i need to communicate but i really DO NOT know how to bring it up to him that hes not great in bed... or that he doesnt last long i really dont want to hurt his feelingss or embarrass him.. one time when we were doing it i said "dont stop" and he sed ok.. and he STILL stopped like a minute later.. i dont get it? do u think he has a problem or hes just so overly excited!? what should i do? thanks! =)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Well, I'm sorry to hear that this is still a problem. =[
One question that comes to mind, is that is he somewhat insecure, or not? If you are afraid he'd take it personally and stomp out, I could see you being hesitant mentioning it to him, but if he's not apt to get angry (just embarassed maybe) I'd just be like "You know, I'm just not getting out of this what you are...we need to mix things up, and try some other things, because things are just ending too soon". Me, I'd be like "Sure, okay, well what do you have in mind?" (of course, try to have something in mind before hand lol)
It doesn't sound like he is very experienced, or 'world-wise' when it comes to women (and unfortunately, a lot of young men think thats bad, and take it personally). At some point though you might have to say SOMETHING, just to let him know whats on your mind. You might consider stopping him before the two of you really get started (such as, just after kissing starts) and saying to him "Hey, lets try something different". If he asks why, just shrug and say "Well, when we have sex, your done before I am, I'd like to climax once or twice too".
I personally think that you might need to get it through his head, that straight-up missionary sex doesnt get it done, either (maybe for him I guess). And you might have to take control, and decide what will be done, and when. Maybe start out with kissing, etc, and when he tries to 'move on' just stop him and be like "No, not yet". Maybe start out simple, start with foreplay and what-not, and let him know what (specifically) turns you on. In a sense, I hate to sound cliche, but you might need to train him. And I'm being serious here. Be sure to give him clues as to when he is doing something right (moan, tell him whatever, tell him yes/no/right/wrong, grab his hand and put it where you want it, like if you want him to tug/pull on your hair when you kiss, then put his hand there and tug so he gets the idea lol) so he knows what is going on, and eventually work your way into more complicated things than kissing and foreplay. I've had GF's that were just happy with no sex, just kissing and holding and falling asleep together...I myself got to the point not to stress and let them lead me, but then again everyone is different. I also had one GF who was into biting, and I had no clue that she wanted ME to actually bite her until she had bit me like the 30th time. I was like "WTF?" until I asked her, and she told me "Oh, yeah, BITING!". /sigh
Another idea is to start communicating DURING sex some, don't just jump in and not say anything till someone is done. maybe ask him what he wants, what turns him on, and then if he gets to the point he is comfortable, maybe you can start inserting your own requests into the conversation.
However,, if he is just somewhat dimwitted, you might have to take a more direct approach. Know that most men just cannot keep from having an orgasm if the just go all-out from the get-go. You might have to interrupt him in the middle of the romp, and try to force him to do something for you, to you, that doesnt require his penis. For example, force him out, grab his head, and push it down...the same way some men do to women. At some point though, you have to accept the possibility that you might have to have a confrontation with him, and just tell him that you need more time, and he needs to find a way to give it to you...doesnt matter if its oral sex, or what, there's lots of options.
I dunno, this kind of seems like sex101 to me, but if he just goes at it hardcore from beginning to end, he's very likely going to continue this unless you tell him, or you can take control in the bedroom.
In my experience, the man can orgasm easily enough that you shouldnt worry about him as much, if at all, until you've had your fun. That being said, try to come up with some ideas and guide him, and dont be afraid to take control. And unfortunately you might have to bring it up with him too, sorry to say.
If you have any specific questions, you can ask me another question here or email me at Erronius@hotmail.com, though tbh, I'm not sure what more I can say really than what I have already.
PS - do not tell him he isnt good in bed, focus on the time and tell him that. Be like "Look, you do fine, but women just take alot longer, much more stimulus. You dont need to be better, you need to just last longer"
And tell him havent had any orgasms, and you'd like one or two SOMEDAY. I would think most men would take it upon themselves to step up to the plate on this and satisfy their partner, hell I'd be pissed myself and afraid that the woman was mad/disappointed/etc.
]
More Questions: |