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Neighborly Gestures or Perverted Espianage???
I'm a 21 year old woman and I live alone. My next-door neighbor is a middle-aged man, and I feel that he gives me excess attention. Since I moved here last year, he's left several gifts on my doorstep, including t-shirts, candies, home-grown vegetables, and long letters about how people come into your life for a reason. He often offers to fix up my car or cook for me. Last year, I contacted my property managment and, without naming names, let them know that a neighbor was being too friendly. What scares me is that they knew it was him, and he laid low for a bit. Eventually he confronted me, jokingly asking if I really thought he meant me harm. At one point, a policeman knocked and asked me if I knew my "older, African-American neighbor" but wouldn't tell me why. I feel somewhat guilty of racism and snobbery, but, more importantly, I don't feel entirely secure. He might be spying on me. He knows if I've been napping or on my computer. Tonight I was dozing off on the couch, having a little alone time, when he knocked. I have blinds, but I noticed they were a bit tilted. When I opened, he asked if I were "daydreaming" and then asked my boyfriend's name, claiming he might have received a package for him. Am I a racist or a snob, or do I really have something to worry about? Contacting the management didn't work, so what should I do?
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To be honest here, no I don't think you are being a snob or racist, because if I were in your shoes, I would feel just as violated and threatened.
The fact is that this guy is focusing unwanted attention from you and despite trying to warn him away, he keeps coming back and appears to be verging on stalker status.
It's perfectly possible that this man is just trying to be nice and this is a possibility we cannot dismiss out of hand because he has not yet behaved in a way that solidly warrants belief he is after anything else. However, my rule of thumb when dealing with someone like this is to be very careful, as you don't want to upset them and inadvertently bring out a side of them you don't wish to know.
The first thing I would recommend is that you let everybody close to you know about the problems you have been having with him. That way, on the offchance anything should happen, other people know about this man. Also, make sure that you have curtains, rather than blinds for your home, so that he is unable to see through. Do everything you can to secure your home frm outside view and from being broken into. Purchase a deadlock. These sorts of locks are hefty and quite expensive but they work in a way that means nobody can gain access to your home without a key, even from the inside.
Also, start keeping a diary of what happens. Make a note of what he says, when you see him, the presents he leaves you. Whenever he leaves you a gift, thank him but return it so that if he considers these gifts to a potential lover, he can see the feelings go unrequited.
I would be very interested in why the policeman asked you about this man. Generally police speak to neighbours of someone they suspect of an illegal action, in order to identify him as a person or his general personality. If you believe this might be why they came to you, I would advise you contact them again and tell them what has been going on. I would urge you most strongly to do this, in case he is under investigation for something serious and you could be at risk. The chances of this are small but it is always better to be safe than sorry.
Finally, if you believe this man is a danger to you in ANY way, either get out of your home or call the police. It may sound melodramatic but many a woman has lost her life over not taking a situation seriously enough. Get an attack alarm and keep it on you at all times if you feel he may be a threat but has done nothing yet. The minute he indicates he may do something, call the police. If he actually does try to harm you, use the attack alarm. For safety sake and for general good use, it also might be a good idea to look into self defence courses in your local area, so that if anything does happen (with him or anyone else) you will know how to protect yourself.
Finally, I know you're scared. Try not to look it. Fear is a weakness men with intentions will pick up on easily and take advantage of. So even though you may not feel it, walk with your head held high and walk confidently. Also, try to keep something about your person that can be used as a weapon. Something as subtle as an umberella will work perfectly.
If you need to talk, if you are scared or concerned or if he does anything else and you're not sure what to do, then PLEASE let me know. Don't go through this alone. I have been stalked myself in the past and I know how terrifying it can be. So feel free to message me here or e-mail me, day or night on hottchickie@hotmail.com and I will do anything I can to help you. I check my messages here and my e-mails several times a day so please don't hesitate.
Take care,
Vikki
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