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Another dramatic love question
My boyfriend and I have been dating a while. I love him A LOT!! and I like my best guy friend. Well me and him like eachother.. and we madeout in like May and I was dating my bf and I Felt SOOO bad about it!! I swore that I wouldnt do it again and got over it and try not to think about it so i dont tell my boyfriend, and my bf never found out. Now today I did it again.. and I did the same cycle I said I'd never do it again but I feel so tempted by him and its not like I'm having sex with him.. I mean I wouldnt want my boyfriend making out with another girl so its considered cheating but I dont even want a girl to talk to him so is it actually cheating???!!!AND IM NOT GOING TO TELL MY BOYFRIEND!!... because all trust would be lost. and if you dont have trust you dont have a relationship What should I do to keep faithful?! I need help I feel so bad. This guy does everything for me and all i can seem to do is disrespect him.. and NO IM NOT GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM. so please do not say that, that will not help me at all!! I wish I can take it back but i cant. Like me and my best friend walk home together and its not in a city its on a desserted road.. soo im not scared enough for my boyfriend to find out to stop it!! I'm sorry if this is confusing I'm just really upset!! PLEASE HELP ME.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If this was the first time you did it and were
remorseful about it and convinced that you were not to repeat the cheating, then I would tell you just to forget about it. However, you are choosing to be unfaithful for a reason. We can't have our cake and eat it, too. Even if your beau never finds out, the fact that you have cheated twice tells me your relationship is doomed. Obviously, you are not ready for a commitment to one guy and that is fine. Just don't lie about it. Tell him you want an open relationship or none at all. Then, you can avoid the confusion and guilt and just date/make-out with whomever you fancy. I know you want to hang onto him, but your cheating is proof that you do not love him in the mature selfless way that tends to go along with a serious monogamous relationship. That is perfectly okay, but cheating is not and it will come to no good for anyone.
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I understand your upset and you feel guilty for what you did, but aren't you just making the situation worse by trying to deny it happened?
Look at it this way. You say you love your boyfriend. If you love him then why can't you be faithful? Maybe you care about him a lot but that's not love. Love is what keeps you from cheating on someone, because you know that there is nobody else you would rather be with.
You also say that a relationship without trust is nothing, but you haven't given him any reason to trust you. You have cheated on him twice with someone who he probably already saw as a threat to your relationship. Twice. Do you really deserve his trust? Say you stay together and end up getting married. Can you really keep him in the dark about this forever? Can you guarantee it won't happen again?
You can't say that you won't tell your boyfriend and then say you won't end it because you're forcing me to say that you should keep it all a secret from him and try to learn to live with the guilt of your betrayal but I'm sorry, I can't do that. The fact is, if you want to have a real relationship with this guy, you can't cheat on him and then lie about it. Omitting the truth is every bit as bad as telling a lie.
I'm sorry. I know it isn't what you want to hear and you have my sympathies for the difficult situation you are in but you need to make a decision here and it's not one that anyone here can make for you. You could tell your boyfriend and face the consequences or end it with him (or at least take a break) while you try to figure out the feelings you obviously have towards your best friend. If he is the one who keeps leading you astray then you should either be with him or avoid him like the plague. You cannot have your cake and eat it too because it is incredibley unfair to both your best friend and you boyfriend. For the sake of all involved, you need to decide who you want, once and for all.
Personally, I would strongly recommend that you take the break from the relationship with your boyfriend and try to work out what is going on between you and your best friend. There are feelings there that you have so far been unable to deny and you both owe it to yourselves to work out if you really could have something.
Like I said, I know it isn't what you wanted to hear and I'm sorry, but I really hope you take my advice and try to sort it all out. If you don't, there's a high risk it could get worse and then you will hate it even more if it blows up in your face.
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