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ex friends and ex boyfriend
Since my ex and I broke up less than a year ago, all of my closest friends remained on speaking terms with him. Only one of my close friends (and roommate!) remains on speaking terms with us both.
I have been baffled as to why they havent called me in almost a year, why they are pretending I no longer exist. I fear its because they are "weirded out" by my new relationship with a guy friend of us all. But, hey, its not like I have ever liked all the skanks they dated-I didnt let it affect our friendships.
Additionally, I recently found out my ex is marrying some foreign woman and this has been a wierd time for me. I do not desire a relationship with him but I definitely feel weird and sad about it in a way-and that ties into my lost friendships, which I lost to him. Sometimes I couldnt give a damn and other times, I am wracked with sadness.
I feel really abandoned and I've made new friendships and made a new life but why does he get to have MINE? I respectfully parted ways with him never thinking I'd lose life as I knew it. I'm just feeling very resentful and sad sometimes and I'm unsure how to cope. Do I confront, or has too much time passed? Part of me just wants to stand in front of them and go, "Hey, I didnt die! Its OK to be friends with us both, esp. considering I've been friends with you guys for years upon years before him!" And the other part absolutely does not want their friendship because when the chips were down, they headed for the hills.
???
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im so sry to hear. but if that is what your "frinds" do then maybe they are not your friends. you can try to talk to them and tell them how you feel. i have been there before and i can tell you that there is not much you can do. im very sorry i cant help more. try to not think about it and move on, i no that its hard to do. try to make new friends and let your roomate know how much you love having her stand by you
i hope i have helped
good luck
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You poor thing!!! You have every reason to be upset. It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate right now and with it all going on at the same time, it sounds like you are actually coping very well.
You are probably upset about your ex marrying this girl because he is moving on and finding a successful relationship elsewhere and perhaps you're upset because you don't feel yourself headed in the same direction? You're not jealous of her because you don't want her back but you're jealous of what they have and that he was able to find it so easily. If this sounds right, please don't worry. I know things seem bad right now but they will pick up as soon as you have worked out how to deal with everything that is going on and put some of the spring back in your step.
Your friends (or not such friends) are a major factor in what is going on at the moment. There you were with some people that you thought would always stand by you and they've up and left you. To be totally honest with you (and I am always honest), you really can't blame your ex for the manner in which they have cut you off. The fact is that it was their decision and not his. If they had wanted nothing to do with him, they couldn't have been persuaded away. I know you possibly want a reason to really hate him right now but don't pick the lack of loyalty of your friends because I truly don't think he is to blame for this. They are the ones who abandoned you, not him.
I get the impression from your message that you don't want them back but you want closure on the situation. You just want to know WHY they disappeared. It is perfectly okay to want this and if you ask me, it's reasonable to ask for this but be warned. It's risky territory. You may find out things you don't want to hear and it may make the situation worse. I had a similar problem and when i confronted my friends about it, they said they had never meant to exclude me but I was never around or available. If you ask an honest question, you have to expect an honest answer and be able to cope with it, whatever it is. Whether it's "I'm sorry but I just can't stand you!" or "You just have REALLY bad breath!" or "Of COURSE I still like you and want to see you! Why would you think otherwise!?"
I would recommend you try to arrange one mass get together with all the friends in question and see how it goes. Perhaps it will negate all your fears but if it doesn't then you need to say something to them about it after the event. Just calmly ask one of them something along the lines of "I got the impression that you weren't really having fun the other night. Are things okay between us?" After that, whatever the answer, try to let it go and don't dwell on it. If they really have abandoned you and it's not a case of crossed wires, you can definitely do better and the chances are you will when you manage to scrape back some of your confidence, which I know is shaken right now.
Try to walk with your shoulders back, your head held high and remind yourself that you are a good person, worthy of all that is good in life. Things could pick up for you sooner than you think.
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If I were you, I would call or meet them all and talk to them about all of this. They shouldn't of abandoned you like this. It might also be a good idea to try to have a good relationship with your ex. Of course it's going to be hard, but you might feel better.
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