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How Do I Adapt To Hazing In ROTC Unit
I need interpersonal relations advice about how to be a good sport and fit in with the Navy midshipmen in my ROTC program. They are hazing me in what I consider a mostly harmless and somewhat humorous way, but I secretly am sort of getting a little bummed out about it and just wish there was a way I could be more accepted in the group.
For background, I am a 19M and I am Marine cadet in ROTC. I will owe the Corps a term of service after I graduate college in exchange for scholarships and financial aid during my undergraduate course of study. I will also be commissioned as a Marine officer once I complete officer candidate training.
I was assigned to a Navy ROTC unit because there is a history of the Marines being a part of the Navy even though we are now an independent service branch. So, wannabe “jarheads” like me train with the wannabe “squids.” We do military science classes together, leadership training, service projects, fitness competitions, self-defense and combat instruction, and some military drills – very cool stuff for a guy like me. I am not the only Marine cadet but I am the only first year Marine cadet in the program.
I should add that the ROTC program is on the campus of a neighboring school that has a partnership with our school. So that makes me a “crosstown” student. So, I don’t really know or go to school with any of the people in the program.
Most importantly, I love the ROTC program. I wish there was even more stuff I could participate it. The instructors are great. All our organized events are hard core and exciting and I feel like I am challenged but treated well.
There is, however, a group of midshipmen who started a “fitness club.” It is an unofficial group of about 20 midshipmen and me. I am the only Marine cadet who signed up. The plan is to meet every weekday morning at 6:00AM and do whatever combination of calisthenics and running the ranking midshipman dreams up that day. The point is to remain fit, improve our fitness, and promote teamwork.
From the beginning, they have hazed and teased me about being a Marine cadet and called me all the fun names Navy personnel call Marines which is just a normal rivalry.
When I show up wearing a Marine Corps t-shirt, tank, or sweatshirt (which I always do) I am ordered to remove it so they don’t “have to look at it.” I am cocky and confident so I don’t mind going shirtless. It does get cold as crap running outdoors in winter weather. That one layer of cover can make a difference. They always offer me Navy gear to wear, but I refuse. It is a battle of wills.
I am very competitive and I tend to be in the lead group when running and I end up with the best time about a third of the time. I am usually near the top on repetitions on things like pullups, crunches, and pushups. When I am not, my defeat is openly celebrated. I admit I have made jokes about how soft the Navy has it and stuff like that. So, I have sort of brought some of this on myself.
As for hazing, every day we convene the ranking cadet will order me to do extra laps or random things the others don’t do with a goal of tiring me out to the point of failure. About half the group gives me some encouragement until the others pressure them not to and about half the group taunts and talks trash about how I am looking tired and probably need a nap and stuff like that.
Literally the last 30 minutes or more of every session is this game of messing with me while everyone watches and talks trash. I guess it is entertaining for them and it is not like the exercise will do anything but make me stronger. It is not anything dangerous or evil like the hazing that hurts people.
My strategy right now is to be a good sport. I never complain. I just do it and try my guts out until I am exhausted or they get bored. I sort of feel heroic like I am sticking up for the Marines even though I am not a real Marine yet and it doesn’t make a difference. I am not going to stop wearing Marine gear even though I know I will have to take it off every time.
On another note, I never seem to get a text or call when our session is cancelled (which is not often). I just show up and I am alone. When I mention it there are just laughs and phony joke apologies. It does take me 40 minutes and four bucks commute round trip. It is just annoying getting up early, getting ready, and then being stood up.
I don’t want to be a pussy and say anything to anyone. I think that would be weak. But deep down I do wish I was more accepted and part of the group. I am not sure if there is a strategy for dealing with the situation or if I should just suck it up. Should I just “enjoy” the attention and take it as some sadistic compliment. Or should I just stop showing up? It is voluntary. Not an official part of the ROTC program. I think I am like craving their approval or respect for some reason.
I would sincerely appreciate positive advice on how to adapt and overcome.
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All I had to read was your opening paragraph, to advise you that hazing is not acceptable and that you should report this to your superior officer immediately. You should not have to accept or fit in with this , at all. Anyone who continues hazing behavior should be promptly booted out of the program. Good luck and good wishes, stand your ground, seek help from the authorities, and forget about acceptance from the group, this one doesn't deserve you. Dr. Stephanie
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I am neither a male nor have I ever been in the armed services. I am not near your age but as a child and teen I thought I was being bullied by most although I was wrong, they were good naturedly teasing me. As an adult, now grandma age, I understand they were teasing to see how I would react and by my reaction then decide if they wanted to have me as a friend or at least a friendly classmate. During my life I have seen how humor can pave the way in areas, where you would think it couldn't help. Who knows, its men and its the Marines so I could be wrong but anything at this point is worth a try, right?
As to the Marine corp tees or sweatshirts they order you to take off, I wonder if thats as a group or just one or two who are in the position of being your next in rank directing officer. If you make him feel like a fool in front of the others, it may not go well for you and he may seek retaliation. So in humor, I would say if a ranking officer is the one saying things, I would not look at him or direct the humor at him but the others as a whole. So you are ordered to take the clothes off. My humor would be, "Oh my, I've been wondering all this time why you're always asking me to do that. NOW, I get it. Some of you are gay or (other choice secretly gay) and just can't wait to get a glimpse of my chest. Sorry to have to tell you, I am straight, but thanks for the compliment." I know something like that will get a laugh out of someone, maybe all unless Marines lose their humor when they enlist. Whatever they do, find some quip to make, before doing whatever they told you to do. To obey silently, is not as satisfying to them as getting a funny remark before you do the extra laps by yourself. "Is anyone going to run with me? No? "(you looking at all before saying the rest and then take a sniff of your armpits. "I must smell something awful if none of you want to go with me." Always end with a smile. But come up with your own quips. I might take a few steps, stop and turn around and ask the group, "What if I injure myself, sprain my ankle? Which of you dudes are going to scoop me up in his arms and carry me to medical?" I am only making suggestions. You will have a better handle on which you can get away with and which might backfire. But I am positive that humor may help this testing time go better or last a shorter time. Good Luck
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