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I spy
There’s this boy who does things to catch my attention like shutting my computer everyday in our classes and whatnot, and while I am not bothering or annoyed by it my classmates who have witnessed it seem to think it bothers me. When other people started to notice the pattern of him doing that it was only 1 or 2 people, today it was the whole class who saw it and started to conversate about it. They made comments to him and in general teasing him and accusing him of having a crush on me which I don’t quite believe. Everybody appears to believe that I am highly annoyed by him doing that, they tell him to stop before I "beat him up" I’m not even a hostile person and I’ve never had a fight at school or threatened anybody! They also keep telling him to stop "bullying" me the teacher even threatened to give him suspension if he does it again which is a bit overreactive considering that I don’t even care that he does it. All of these reactions are where my confusion lies, yes I am a typically serious and I don’t crack jokes or laugh too loudly but how does that equate to me feeling anger towards the boy because he’s doing something as innocent as closing a computer, when he does it I don’t even react with a facial expression or verbally to the point where the other classmates can see my reaction from behind my mask. This is not the first situation where my classmates have perceived me as this humorless not to be joked with girl unprovoked, how does it appear that I am angered by his actions and would take it as far as getting physical with him? How do I show my classmates that I can be lighthearted and that it is ok to joke and be at ease with me? Also, since I am quite awkward and don’t even know how to react when he does this(even though he has done it several times)what can I say or do if he does it again that will prove I am not bothered by it?
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Thisis a tempest in a teapot as they say. This boy may be showing an interest in you (?) , but if so, he's showing it in an extremely juvenile manner. You don't have to be angry with him, or retaliate, as some have suggested you do.
Decide if it bothers you or not. Either ignore him, and i guarantee that sooner or later, he'll tire of his game and move on; or, if it does bother you, your option is to continue ignoring him, complaining to the teacher or nearest adult, who is ready to take further action, and forget about your classmates who are apparently more invested in this "drama" than you are. They need something else to focus on.
I wonder why it doesn't bother you ? It must interfere with your schoolwork, if nothing else!
No matter what, life will go on and this, too , shall pass sooner or later. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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I don't get this situation often in those who write in so I am happy to have this to tackle for you. First off, I don't think it is bullying, because those who bully, are looking for a payoff. Its either the person looking scared, angry, crying even, complaining and telling what happened to all who would listen. If that is not happening, most bullies wouldn't want to waste their time because they don't get the reaction they want. Your classmates have fallen into a rut, thinking that what he is doing is bullying. Those who say he may like you may be closer to the truth. We've heard stories or seen it portrayed in movies where the boy is interested in a guy but doesn't know how to get her attention, doesn't know what to say or too scared to try, so they stick bubblegum in her hair, or catch a frog, bring it to school and place it on her, her sesk, all to get a reaction. Even if he's not a young boy, males are as scared of rejection as females are. So they go to odd lengths to try to get the attention.
I know it doesn't make sense, doing something not nice to a girl to get her to like you? Bunch of BS, right?
I have heard of psychologists telling parents why their good kid is acting up. The parents got too busy and the child feels neglected, even if they aren't but the child does something bad to get attention, terrible attention since theres grounding, extra chores, whatever a parent does to show their displeasure and get the child to realize they have to stop. But the same child may have learned at home or elsewhere, that behaving and being nice, being good never brought them the attention and amount of love they need, so they carry that warped notion into the dating circle. If old enough to date, a guy who has a skewed idea of how to properly make friends with and/or ask the girl to date him. This most likely is what he is doing. He is waiting for you to respond to him and what he does. Odd he doesn't change it up a bit, just the same computer closing. And yes, its obvious, the whole class has noticed, yet he can't understand why you seem to be unfazed by it. He may not be your type, even for a friend, but I figure for this to stop, you will have to have at least one short conversation with him. But be nice in what you say, using reverse position to understand what you would not like to hear from someone. For example you catch him in the hallway, and walk up and say, I've tried to not make a big deal of this, and it doesn't really bother me, but you are in danger of the teacher getting you disciplined for bullying. I don't want to see that happen if you are doing it only to make friends. So why are you doing it? You can tell me anything and I won't freak out." He may not be willing to say he likes you, or shrug and say I don't know. So then you might have to ask, how were you hoping I would react to you closing my computer all the time. YOu don't do it to anyone else. If I have said or done something I wasn't aware of that hurt you, I am sorry. But I want to know and this is your moment. If you don't come clean and tell me and stop doing this thing, then at some point, you will be in trouble with the school." If you get to this point without a confession, then ask point blank if he thinks he likes you and wants to be a friend. Don't say boyfriend. Let him get to that point eventually himself. I'd be curious as to how this turns out. I remember plenty of kids picking on me, just to get a reaction, a bad way to gauge who I was as a person, to see if I'd laugh and talk to them as if we were best friends. I had social anxiety as a kid and thought everyone was being mean on purpose, to bully. What I learned after I became an adult is that what kids do, usually through all schooling including HS is to tease a person. By the reaction, if easy going and smiling or laughing and saying something funny in response, the person can tell if you are approachable, seem like fun to hang with, and so on. If I dropped something as a kid and some said, "Butter fingers!" I would feel humiliated. Now I see it as teasing by seeing the good natured look on a persons face and to the same word, I might look back at them and say, "Yeah, I got some real good butter fingers, so remember that when you have a cob of corn that needs buttering." So you never know how a situation might turn out if you do react, but react good naturedly. Try that if you would rather not try to start a conversation with him. Next time he closes your screen, you could turn to him and say, "Thanks buddy, my eyes really needed a break from staring at that screen" and smile. This shows you aren't making a snarky comment by smile and tone of voice so he now doesn't feel bad , just acknowledged. Keep making funny comments in your own humor that fit the action of the computer being closed. If all the classmates start laughing when you comment, you can have something to say to them too like, "You all are jealous cus I have a personal computer closer and you don't. One thing less taxing my fingers and you wish you had the same" They will laugh again but because you gave them a brief bit of entertainment. Where there is none, they will try to create that entertainment by whispering or saying whatever they can to get you or this guy to react in some way.
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