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Friends say I shouldn't feel so guilty but I do
17/F here. Earlier this year, I finally stood up to this girl who'd been bullying me ever since we were freshmen. We were at school, in the hallway on the second floor. She was mocking me when I finally lost it and did what I'd been dreaming of doing for awhile now. I hauled off and punched her in the face. She went reeling back towards the stairs, fell down them, and broke her arm in the fall to the landing below.
I was expelled and had to finish out the school year at a private school that was willing to take me in the middle of a semester. I was also arrested and charged with assault. My parents have hired me a lawyer and he's managed to work out a deal that'll have me serving a month in juvie.
Court is now a week away and I ought to be scared about being locked up. But my guilt outweighs my fear. I have never felt this guilty in my entire life. I never meant to hurt her that badly. I just wanted to be left alone. My friends all say I shouldn't feel bad for her and that I'm getting a raw deal here. Am I? I don't know. I just wish I knew what to do with all this guilt because I have to live with what I've done and I don't know how.
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In a day of cell phones that can record happenings, I am surprised that no one caught any footage of her picking on you. Try talking to everyone who was there or send some message school wide asking for people who witnessed this. I can understand both sides. Good for you in standing up to her. Its scary, I know, I was picked on in HS too by a few specific people. You were not thinking of the surroundings and that she was near enough to fall downstairs, but punching in the face sounds like an appropriate move on a girl who has harassed you 4 years. Now on the other side, schools have rules that usually when one student is physically hurt or injured by another student, that they have to take some action which is usually expelling. If they take no action, it will make a lot of parents angry. Of course they are responding only to the fact you hit her, not what happened all along for 4 years, or that it never was your intention for her to fall downstairs. If she ever laid hands on you in the 4 years, that is also called assault. So even if taunting you is all she did, it was verbal abuse which is harder to prove than physical where there are bruises or worse. In your case, that was an accident but unless you have video proof, you can't prove it. I don't even feel assault charges are fair, but we live in a very unfair world where it seems the unjust get away with so much. When my husband was a boy and playing with his friends at the park across the street, there was a bully who always showed up to push him and his friends around, and I mean being physically bullying. He told me one day he'd had enough and didn't know why that day he felt he'd had enough but he hauled off and punched that dude in the face and that bully never bothered him or his friends again. I was married to a man who verbally abused. I left him. You don't have the luxury in a school of avoiding her, so something had to be done.
I know you feel guilty but what God does is look at a persons heart and sees whether it was intentional and planned out, like pre-meditated, or whether it was just an on the spot decision to stand up for yourself. Tho schools are anti bullying these days, there doesn't seem to be any good plans in place to catch bullying. It might be expensive but having all hallways and every corner on surveillance camera's might be the way for you to make a complaint go to the office and have them bring up the footage.
I think you feel guilt because you are a loving person who believes the saying, "Live and let live" and wouldn't think of harming even a small creature. It may make you feel better to apologize to the girl that she lost her balance and fell and you're sorry she broke an arm. But I would end it with mentioning that after 4 years of torturing you, she deserved that and more. She should be the one going to juvie. Your subconscious mind will keep bringing this up to play over and over in your mind accompanied by guilty feelings. Each time that happened, you have to speak to yourself, mentally in your mind is fine, but be sure to address it each time with a statement that it wasn't your intention for her to get injured, and you did the right thing in confronting her for bullying. At worst, she will never bother you again though she may pick on others. At best, you taught her a lesson to never pick on any person again. Either way its a win for you. So no matter what any human has to say, we all have our opinions and those will vary, but work with yourself until those feelings of guilt go away because this guilt is misplaced. You can feel bad for her that it happened, but don't let yourself get eaten up by the guilt feelings cus in a way, that is a way that your thoughts are giving her power where she is still able to bully you, making you feel guilty.
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Have you apologized to the girl you harmed? If not, do so. And make it public. Of course you weren't wrong to defend yourself against a long time bully. But you went too far, and now are facing the consequences. Whether you are getting a "raw deal" or not, is impossible to tell. We all have to live with regrets for the choices we've made. This is yours. Perhaps you'll find a way to make it up, either to her, or to others in the future.
Its too bad that you, yourself, didn't receive help with all the bullying that went on, maybe this is something you could do for others in the future.
And let"s hope the bully in question learned a lesson, herself.
Good wishes, good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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I can understand an assault charge but not being locked up in juvie. That's a bit extreme for punching someone who was bullying you. You wouldn't be here if it were in self defence. I don't think you should feel guilty either based on how much abuse you took for years.
I think your lawyer needs to find someone who knows you very well and has documented the bullying and can prove it for you such as a teacher, counselor or whomever you have told about it in the past. They can sway the judge so he knows this was isolated and the exact reason it happened.
It needs to be explained what culminated this and that you had no intention of knocking anyone down a flight of stairs making them fall on a landing and to break their bones. In the moment you felt pressure and reacted in a way you shouldn't over pent up anger.
Declaring the truth when you speak in court and owning up to it and the reasons it happened and that you feel badly for the other person and know hitting someone wasn't the right thing to do nor did you intend for this to occur might make them reconsider the sentence.
I'm not sure why your lawyer had to broker a deal either and what they originally wanted you to serve. He/she is your ally and the one who understands your situation best so you need the truth and the guilt to come out to him so he can defend you.
It sounds as though he has your best interest if he worked out something far less severe and it's only 1 month (31 days) in a facility. I would take ownership of what happened and be a model citizen there and put this behind you. If the judge sees that you have learned from this that's important. Feeling empathy for the other person despite the bullying for what she went through is key. Guilt isn't a bad feeling if it makes you genuinely sorry for what you did and to change.
Did you get a raw deal here? I'm not sure because the judge probably wanted a heftier sentence and your lawyer got it reduced. That's not a raw deal. It's actually one that benefits you long term.
Where you did suffer is that you did this after being bullied for ages but chose to hit her without being hit first or to do so in self defence. It's bad that all the blame is now on you and this person behaved the way they did but yes causing the injuries and what happened is on you ultimately. That's the raw deal if there is one that you paid for what she started long ago by hitting her and causing what occurred.
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