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Is "gaslighting" an actual thing?
I hear people throwing that word around a lot and I wanted to know if it's an actual thing or if it's just something that people say when they don't want to confront something?
My dad has Parkinson's disease.... he first developed symptoms about 12 years ago. My mom and I were getting worried about him because his memory was starting to disintegrate. He would frequently forget stuff we just told him and he even got fired from his job because he could no longer keep track of paperwork. We tried to get him to drive less frequently and seek a specialist. Every time we brought up the subject, he would tell us that we were "gaslighting" him. That we were trying to convince him that something was wrong with his brain so that we could control him and destroy his dignity. It took a very long time for him to get help, and by then his condition had advanced.
I hear that term being used so frequently these days and I'm not sure what to think. Is that truly a legitimate thing to complain about? My mom and I were called "gaslighters" for years but we were just trying to keep my dad healthy and alive.
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I'm sorry that you have had to deal with this for such a long time, and for your poor father, as well. It sounds like he has had a huge amount of denial, (defense mechanism) and even a touch of paranoia thrown in. Look up the definition of "gaslighting" on line, and check out the old movie "Gaslight"from 1940, in which a woman's husband tries to drive her insane. Try not to take his accusations personally, its part of his illness(es). There are support groups available for families of parkinsons patients, perhaps it would be helpful for you and your mother to seek one out in your community. Good wishes,
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Dictonary definition Verb: To manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
I'm not sure why he refuses help outright. Perhaps he is scared of what the results would be and using this as a crutch. Does he have religious beliefs where he doesn't trust doctors and won't go? I'm thinking Christian Science for an example. They believe prayer heals all and will not seek medical treatment unless something's really wrong medically.
You're doing all you can. He wants to lead as normal a life as possible and likely feels that you're going to change this and take over. This accounts for his behaviour and likely won't change unless a family doctor shows him results that square up with what you have been trying to tell him.
Often the sufferer of such an illness cannot see the reality of what is going on and to him he's normal unless solidly convinced he's not. He doesn't know anything other than what his brain says is normal.
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