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My manager flirts/compliments me a lot & then acts weird. What do I do?
I work full-time for a healthcare agency. I am 26 years old and I have a boss that is 34. This guy is cute, close to me in age, and has a really laid back/sweet personality. I am sort of attracted to him. I do know, however, that he is my boss first and foremost so I know that he is off-limits and I can accept that. The thing is, though, that he seems to flirt. Quite often. From what I have observed he does not act the same way towards other female coworkers. Sometimes in between the flirting, though, he becomes very formal/distant so it just leaves me feeling confused or like I did something wrong. Not saying that he should necessarily be flirting in the first place, but why would he do a complete 180 like that?
The other day he had to train me on a shift, he literally flirted and then acted distant within the same day and I actually was paranoid that he was angry about something. The whole shift he flirted and then when he was about to leave, he acted 100% different with me. Do you think he's just trying to act more like a boss or did I actually do something wrong? (Though if I did, I don't know what because I never flirt back and I perform well at my job.)
Also, there is another woman in the office that's in management and she hates me because this man likes me. She expresses this to other people, even our clients, which is unprofessional and she also insults me. She tells clients that he "has a thing for me" bc he says I'm beautiful. I don't work in the office. I only go there if i need to. I travel doing healthcare but they still monitor me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Etiquette?
Keep in mind that if you do something that needs correction, a good boss is not angry but takes you aside and lets you know what needs improving and shows you how. So, no...I dont think he is angry with you. As the other advicegiver guessed, it is more likely he is married, and not wearing a ring for whatever valid reasons, allergy to metal, lost and haven't got around to replaceing it, or he is in a commited dating relationship. If he were reprimanded by his own boss, for flirting, then he wouldn't be taking a chance and flirting with you. You mentioned he only uses this behavior on you so yeah, he likes you, what little he knows of you from working with you. But I know that what I can pick up on a person I see often and work with is not all that they really are when I became friends with women at work for example. They are totally different in some ways away from the office or there are beliefs, characteristics and such I never got to see at the office. Some I liked more, others I didn't like much at all and distanced myself from them. Unless he's got some weird psychological thing I;ve never heard of, acting hot and cold and in a short space of time, the only thing that comes close to mood swings is Bi polar but if it were that, he couldn't choose to be that way with only one person and everyone in the office would notice him being friendly one moment and upset the next.
Another thing to note is that females often act territorial when it comes to men. It doesnt have to be a husband or boyfriend. It can simply be someone she secretly likes and crushes on and if that guy shows any other female attention or shows or says something to proves his admiration of another women, then the crushing woman will be angry, act territorial and say and do whatever she can to make the other woman look bad. Some times, even in offices, two people mutually have interest in the other and start dating, usually trying to do so in secret but it would seem this female manager is very jealous of you, for no reason, nothing that you have done. So you can be sure than even if this guy was unattached, she would find a way to get you fired and eliminate you from competion, (in her mind at least) for this male managers attention. Its not worth losing your job over. Just ignore the fact he is doing this, act as if all is normal and let him deal with his own thoughts.
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It sounds like he probably does like you. He has also probably been warned by someone about his behavior being unprofessional.
Is he married? Thats the first thing you need worry about. It could also leave him feeling guilty for flirting.
I don't think you have done anything wrong, so don't feel that way. He is battling his own feelings is all. If he likes you, he should invite you out and away from work. As for the office gossipers, ignore them. So long as your behavior is appropriate, they should leave you alone. If they don't, then talk to someone in human resources about their behavior.
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