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Ex friend messing with me and my friend what should i do?
An ex-friend of mine has been messing with me and my friend, This all happened on Tuesday where she came up to me and another friend and started to talk about my friend, she called her (I'm sorry for my language) a bitch and said she was rude to her for no reason. After she said this I told my friend about it, which then my friend asked her why she would say that, which then my ex-friend denied it and said I was trying to start stuff with her. I talked to our school counselor about it. The next day she came up to me and my group of friends and told me that I need to stop spreading lies, but she also admitted that she said it by saying that I laughed when she called my friend a female dog, and I said why would I lie and call my friend a female dog which she then called me crazy and walked away. On Thursday my friend and her "Talked it out" but she kept lying saying that I made it up and I was the one who said, but she also said she didn't have a social media which was a lie cause I know her Instagram. By Friday me and my friend were over and we needed to worry about our science fair. during the science fair, someone took my friends chips and spilled them all over the floor, I do remember my ex-friend coming over to the group of people next to us and reaching behind meI know this because she hit my back when she pulled away but we couldn't do anything about since we didn't know who did it but I have a feeling it was her, so far that's all that has happened.
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My answer is very close to Solid Advice. I wonder what happened that has you labeling her an ex friend. If you also don't know, then ask her. Maybe there is something small that can be repaired on the friendship. This doesn't mean dumping your new friend. A person can have way more than one and yes, I have had more than one best friend through school, i believe it was 5, and everyone else were people I knew but didn't have much in common with or they may have been less than model students, into bad stuff or bad behavior I didn't want to be part of. So if this is the case, you already know why you aren't friends with her.
I am guessing that for either reason, a small innocent thing involving her or her continuous bad behavior, that when you cut her out of being friends, she wanted to protest and make you miserable because she now is. Misery loves company as a certain saying goes and so that may be her goal. Or perhaps revenge is at core for her and if she can't be your friend, she wants to make sure that no one is your friend. It sure looks like that, when she came to you saying bad things about your new friend. If you had ignored her, there would be no pay off for her. By that I mean, she doesn't get that satisfied feeling of knowing she stirred up trouble for you. The best thing when someone is egging you on is to ignore them. i don't mean ignore in the moment when they are literally in your face but after the encounter, choosing not to pass on her poison. So consider this a very good lessson in life because believe it or not, even though adults don't do this stuff as often as kids or teens, there are still a great amount who do. Learn now how to react next time which means, not going to your friend and passing on what the ex friend said. I'll bet there's a good chance she was hoping that you could be swayed by her words and dump the new friend and go back to her. I prefer to have friends rather than enemies so I would suggest seeing if there is anything that can be said, if she's basically a good person but a one time event blew you up as friends, a bad choice, saying the wrong thing, her imagining or twisting something you said or did and becoming very angry with you. I have had that happen to me with 4 different family members at different times and I did everything I could to discover why and repair the relationships and I know why they imagined and blew out of proportions ideas of how they had wanted me to react to something they did or said. However, they all had to take time to get over the imagined thing and one person is still cut off from all family, not just me, by her choice. I should have studied to become a psychologist because I watch what I say so nothing can be twisted or misunderstood. So if family can turn against you for a while as my family did, so can so called friends. Its often nothing we've done wrong and the problem is all inside the other person. IT's even harder when you are younger and haven't the experience yet of how to act in situations like this. A person who is imature or a trouble maker can't be changed by telling them to change. Its like that saying that you can lead a horse to water but you can't force him to drink. So campaigns on bullying, how to be helpful or constructive, will not help a person dead set against that inside of them. They can be forced to hear the words but will resent being forced, will not change. Change for the better must be something a person realizes they want and then the changes will come, not because someone told an authority. Your counselor hears this stuff every day and usually it is word related problems,, stuff people say to cause trouble, so while feeling unfair, the counselor doesn't really know you like your family does and will have no idea that in actuality you aren't making up lies to get someone in trouble. SHe reacted to the situation with her best guess, that you are the problem rather than the ex friend. Unless there is physical damage being done, hitting and punching, etc. any person in the future doesn't need to be reported. I got the hurtful teasing in school and never reacted to it so eventually the kids doing it stopped because it wasn't fun if I didn't react. That didn't mean a new kid would start up, trying but of course they cventually stopped. I found out in 5th grade when we moved to a new neighborhood and school that many kids will make up all sorts of stories. My first day, probably 3/4 of the girls in my class talked to me at some point and all told me to stay away from Lila because she was a terrible person and I wouldn't want to mess with her. I said nothing but knew she lived next door to me. I chose to not believe their words immediately but check it out for myself and decide if this Lila was a bad person or not. She was shy like me, a bit overweight and we had nothing in common to really be friends, so I choose to befriend others, none of the girls who warned me away from her because they were picking on her as kids will do, finding those who aren't willing to join the pack and follow a leader, I was one of those, like Lila who were more of a loner, with a small circle of friends, but these were true friends who wouldn't believe something bad of me just because someone else said so. Ignoring her is your best thing to do.
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Having a feeling someone did something but not actually seeing them do are often two different things. You can have a suspicion that someone did something but cannot pin it on them. She may have in all likihood but you have to forget about it and move forward.
It seems like this person is used to being the center of attention and craves that constantly because she doesn't feel good about herself or validated. For whatever reason whether she'll admit it or not you matter in her universe. She would rather have negative attention than to leave you alone. She also knows you aren't apt to confront her.
What you need to establish is what her real grievance is and try to understand where she's coming from. If you have been friends before for a lon time and suddenly something went to shit you need to know why and if she's making it into something huge that isn't. She's probably very sensitive and seeing things through that prism.
Was she worth being friends with at one time? If so, I would approach her alone and ask her using these words WTF happened to our friendship? Have it out but don't accuse of lying or use any of the language she's used with you and your other friend and agree to be friends or decide not to. Make it firm that you will not tolerate and nor will your friend or teachers the bullshit and bullying anymore. Leave it at that and ignore it because she's looking for an audience. If she doesn't get it she will move on eventually but you should try to talk about it with her first. That may defuse the anger.
When it comes to the friend I have a feeling it's a case of feeling left out and that someone else is filling her role. She's trying to hurt your friend to hurt you but it's really about what she's thinking about her own self. I would tell your friend not to react to any of this and let you handle it.
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