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I’m 16 and never had a boyfriend should I be worried
I’m a 16 year old girl and I’ve never had a boyfriend before, unless you count elementary when I had a boyfriend for like 2 hours then we broke up cause we had to go home for the day. I’ve come close to having boyfriends, one was 7 or 8 grade, he wasn’t the best looking but I don’t pay attention to looks and he treated me with a lot of respect so I did like him but my mom said I was too young and plus he was moving to a whole another state as well so that didn’t work out. In 6 I had a crush on a guy but he asked my sister out and she knew I liked him so she happily dated him for 3 months then broke up with him for unknown reasons. Another one was at bible camp and he confessed his feelings for me via Snapchat but my dad and stepmom didn’t want me dating either so I told him that and he stopped talking to me completely. Even when I did try to talk to him over Snapchat and at church he pretended to not know me or he would just go on his phone and ignore my whole existence. Which is weird cause I use to watch his little brother in the preschool and his other siblings seem to like me as well. But I guess I did dodge a bullet cause when I told him I wanted to work in film he kind of made me feel bad like I was an idiot for wanting to be a director when he wanted to be a doctor. And another time I came very close, he was about to ask me out but he found out that me and my sister were related-mind you I look like my dad and my sister looks like our mom so you wouldn’t even stop to think we were related, you wouldn’t think we were cousins either-from our mom when we both said hey mom. Turns out he asked my sister out before our soccer game and she said no so I was his second choice. Another time a boy asked my sister out and she basically said “I don’t like you but I have a little sister who’s desperate.” So I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m kind of scared that I won’t ever have one. And me being a tomboy and somewhat “aggressive” (with sports and competition) doesn’t really help either. I do want one but the boys at my school are how you’d say into the girls that act ghetto and they’re pretty dumb themselves. I guess I’m asking for reassurance cause I do want the white picket fence and the family dog or cat or whatever the kids want but I’m scared that because of the line I want to work in which is film and the fact of my inexperience of being in a relationship that that lifestyle is out of my reach. Also growing up in a family where my grandmas were married to my grandfathers literally as soon as they got out of high school doesn’t really calm me down. And my grandpa asking me when am I gonna have a baby-I’m 16 by the way-isn’t really helping either. I just need some advice on this matter.
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What you could do is follow your dream job, there's no point in rushing the things or changing yourself, you'll come across the right person sometime, someone who suport you and makes you happy, not the one who put you down. Futhermore, makes ther others around you(familly) know what's happening, then they could try to be supportive to you and wait you make your own way to your future.
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Number one if you want to pursue a career as a director or in filmmaking than don't let anything stop you. It's not about other's perception of it either. It's about you and where you want and need to be and the contribution you think you could make to society in that field. If someone else doesn't like it it's on them.
Try to study it in university or college. You would be a fool not to. Never let anyone or anything stand in the way of your dream. The right person will know that.
You don't want just any guy or to act desperate. You want to attract the right guy. How do you do this? For starters you need to learn how to be confident about yourself and love and accept yourself before anyone else can love you back. Right now it's pretty evident that your confidence in yourself is in the toilet. But that can change.
You need to see that you have all the qualities and more that guys are looking for already within you. The next thing you need to do is find people who share a common interest with you. If you join student council or drama you'll find all kinds of people with different backgrounds who must work together and become potential friends or more through that. Maybe there is a film club at school.
Also there's nothing stopping you from inviting someone to a movie, dance, event etc. etc. yourself or out in a group and see what happens. I think your problem also lies with pushing too hard to make something happen when it needs to naturally. Perhaps people are turned off by this and or that you don't have confidence or belief in yourself.
Finally, when it comes to dating it's not about age. It's all about maturity and finding the right person and if that takes awhile it's okay. I know it's hard to see friends dating and you aren't but some people are ready sooner and it comes easier and some aren't. When you find someone who is right you'll know instantly.
Also, become very aware of who is around you that you may have overlooked. They might not look physically perfect or fit the idea of what you think they should be but the person under your nose that you may have overlooked could be the one. Always demostrate to people that you're totally open to them.
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My daughters are now adults but here's what I told them. I asked them to watch the popular girls who seemed to always be dating someone and breaking on and moving on to the next and repeating process. I told my daughter to watch what happened to the girls grades with the emotional ups and downs of breakups. Teens are not known to have long endless relationships. This is a time when starting at puberty for some romantic and or sexual interest starts and people start dating and learning things the hard way. We all do that.
So my girls reported the girls who concentrated more on dating flirting, kissing in hallways, were the ones who had great troubles passing tests so grades slipped. All I wanted is my kids to do their best so if it wasn't A's, no problem but no distractions. I said if they had male friends, not romantic male friends, that wasn't a problem because friendship is one of two things that make for a successful relationship that lasts a long time if not forever. So if without planning to, they became close with a particular guy and wanted to be able to spend time with him, all they had to do was ask him to oome hang at our house on the weekend when us parents were home to ssupervise but even good well meaning guys can feel overwhelmed by the feelings of desire and a couple can have a weak moment and do what is not a good idea to do when still a minor. Once 18 and adult, you can do what you wish. In your case, you will not have any idea how to relate to guys as far as understanding how they prioritze, process things, how they think and ways that males generally act, not bad intentions but things that sound logical to them but are confusing tto females. It is good to be able to learn tthis as a teen by the method I mentioned. However not one guy ever showed up at our house when invited as a daughters close , maybe now romantic interest.
Perhaps this is an argument you could share with your parents. I got the idea from a parenting magazine article.
My 3 daughters all chose to not date in HS only having male friends at school. However once graduated they all started dating for the first time, not at 18, but one at 19 snd the others at 20 and 22. THis was their first time ever having a real relationship, not just a horny guy whose interest was only sexual. Young guys have such a wild crazy sex drive that all they seem to want is to experience sex, not love, just sex as soon as possible. So they being brainwashed by media as to what a hot looking woman looks like, will go after the model types, the girls we all say are prettier because they more closely resemble the female models and celebs we see and believe we can't attract a guy without looking like that. Yes, well maybe its somewhat true for middle school, HS guys and even early college years. Guys don't always know what they want and realize that there is a type they like until they are mid twenties to 30 in age. So where you feel being a tomboy and competitive will scare away guys, yes it may do so with some but by time good guys are ready to commit to a relationship for everything, being best friends and lovers, they have decided what they like more. There are young men who really wish for girls who were more like tomboys half the time, the times when he wants to go fishing and wants the most important gal in his life to share such interests or be willing to give it a try without acting all girlish like, Eww, thats too smelly, slimy or dirty, I don't want to to touch it. But men who wish for a girl like this also want a girl who doesn't mind also dressing up and just being feminine at others times, while they are out shopping, or acting feminine and romantic at home or while out together. I am like that, not squeamish to try something important to the guy but I also have a man who does the same for me in return, this isn't a one way deal. The males need to also have their brswny male side and it would be good if they at least tolerate and support their ladys interests even if not interested themselves, and not be afraid to show their softer side, maybe cry with you at sad movies, be willing to bake with you, learn how to do hair braiding so he can do yours. Mine doesn't braid but he will trim split ends off my long hair, and he has interest in womens jewelry or clothing, not to wear himself but wanting to see me modeling it. I know that at your age, it was the same in school for me, there is so much pressure just by few words shared or even just a persons looks that you feel there is something wrong with you if no guy has shown you interest. But all the guys are they grow a bit older will develop their own criteria of a female who is Ms. Right for him and I guarantee there will be the ones who shy away from women who look too perfect, too untouchable due to looking like carbon copies of celebs or models. Males too worry about how they look and whether they can attract the interest of a girl but my opinion is that its not as bad as it is for women. My husband has trouble keeping weight off and sometimes he will say, aw, you don't really mean that you think I'm handsome. But its not the extra weight that keeps going up then down then up again, but I see past the chub to his face, long hair that grows in ringlets, shape of his chest, legs, and bottom and he is pleasant looking enough for me, but what makes a person even more special once you start dating and having a commited relationship is learning how your partner is inside, how they think, how they support you and do loving things, never plan to irritate or hurt your and are quick to apologize if unintentionally they have and promise to never repeat it and stick to that promise, those sorts of things, are such lovable traits and actually help transform a face into a pleasant desireable sexy one instead of a face that looks angry, irritable, mean all the time whether the face he's born with is considered handsome or plain. Same goes for women. I am no model but my husband loves me dearly and tells me so every day and his eyes don't lie, he is still attracted to me and desired me more for who I am inside which makes me attractive on the outside as well. This works at all ages, teens and on past my age, or lets say grand parents age.
As for the guy avoiding you after finding parents won't let you date. Who knows if he had an ulterior motive to supposed want to date you. But a guy who is truly interested and really cares deep down about you, his feelings won't disappear just because the parents don't let you date. If I were a guy and not allowed to date a girl I was truly interested in, I know I would not go date someone else I have no such feelings for just for the sake of being able to tell friends I am dating. I would make the best of it, talk to her on line, on cell, text, and enjoy her company at school, maybe even walking her home if that was possible. If it took until she and I both turned legally adults to date at 18, I would wait. But that is if my feelings were true and deep enough to want to wait. If I was merely wanting to date any female I thought I could interest to date just for having a social friend, then I might until the right girl comes along and then its only her for me. A girl to ask out and date but have no strong feelings for her, and not a great desire to get to know who she is inside as a person, I would not be willing to make a commitment to her. I would just date whom ever I wanted, and not consider it wrong as I made no commitment to her. This is basically how it works out as far as guys are concerned. Dating in the teens is more for the experience rather than commitment or even really learning anything. If what I have said hasnt shown you that there's nothing wrong with you, just that men have been too brainwashed as well as women and so what you want at this age is not very likely to be found. I want you to see a few minute clip of Actor Dustin Hoffman interviewed on his Character in 1982 movie Tootsie where he dressed up as a woman and what he learned from it. So many men learn this at a much later age that a lot of their life and many women have been bypassed by hin.
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