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I have to meet the guy who ghosted me at an unavoidable party!
I am from Austria, 31 years old and a female. I met this guy at dinner with my friends. The two of really hit it off just talking, we had a great time, exchanged numbers. He sent me super romantic texts. So i figured it was okay to open up and i told him about stuff I was interested in plus, I asked him what his plans were for the weekend. After that he stopped responding. On the same day Friends told me, that a few days ago, he called them in the middle of the night to tell them he has fallen head over heels for me and he doesn't know what to do. So I tried it again after 36 hours, asking if he was very busy and that I hoped that he doesn't think of me as bothersome.I asked him to meet up with me to talk, because our mutual friend made me blush with her questioning. Of course only if he still wishes to do so. No reply. I did not want to engage to him, i just wanted to tell him that I would like to get to know him a bit better before deciding on anything. So now after a couple of days I realized he ghosted me... Next week I have to go to a party that unfortunatley cannot be avoided without causing a lot of trouble and he will be there aswell. How can I keep my dignity? Even though I am awfully embarrassed and i feel super stupid...
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I feel like it's a guy that is toying with your emotions. Honestly, I have so many books on guys and I LOVE THEM. One book I have is called why women like bit.. lol. Have respect for yourself and call him out on his crap, and if he cannot change his behavior-move on. Our society is pathetic when it calls to "dating." YOU'RE NOT AN OPTION!
Love yourself, protect yourself and stand up for yourself. There are plenty of jerks out there and trust me I know how you feel lol. I'm single too and it is impossible for me to date as well. I go to speed dating events and believe it or not, those guys there were noobs, just wanting sex. Honestly, I realized those kinds of guys will always be hot and cold to only mess with your emotions. You deserve better and it really is sad how guys do this nowadays. Guys aren't guys anymore.
Find fun hobbies to do- maybe you'll find a better class of guys in those hobbies.
It's hard- I have yet to find a decent guy.
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Happened to me too. I'll tell my story and the conclusion I came to. Although for me, this was happening with older guys 11 years agon when I was dating after the ex and I split. I was using a dating site and by how a guy wrote and things about himself, I chose the ones that sounded promising to meet in person. Usually I met guys in coffee shops cus its a public place, to be safe. In his case he didn't drink coffee so he agreed to meet me at a friends, and we sat alone on the front porch swing and talked for hours. He was good looking and by the conversation it really seemed great and I thought by his enthusiasm that we would surely date. Now heres where I want you to pay close attention. I think he felt that too so he blurted out that he was doing some interior modeling and it would be a long time before he could have me come over to visit him. I had no idea where he lived yet, and didn't even have a phone or cell phone, we had made arrangements to meet via computer, in the dating site. I told him that I was handy and could help him with easy stuff, applying wood stain, helping measure out cuts or hold wood he has to cut, whatever. I didn't realize at the time but that alarmed hi;m so he threw out all sorts of reasons why I couldn't come over to help him. I didn't have my own place and was staying at my friends at that time so seeing him anywhere else including his place was about the only way it could happen. He siad he wanted to see me again but was very busy and it might not happen for a while and that he in fact had taken a day off work to come see me. We parted with him not giving contact info, conveniently forgetting as he left. The next day, I wanted to tell him I had enjoyed our time together and looked up his profile on the dating site to write him but when putting in his name, the message came up that account was closed. It was there the day before!?
So some time that evening after meeting me, he closed his account and I had no way to get hold of him. I had read something earlier about how guys sometimes not totally happy with a girlfriend or wife may wish to meet someone who could fill in the holes of what they were not getting out of their relationship. Some were brave and carried through while others chickened out and found they could not carry it off and make it work.
That came back to me as I looked at the message of the closed account. I knew he was probably married, and thats why I couldn't go to his house, he didn't give me his number because he couldn't afford to have me calling him at home and having wife answer or hear the call, and she likely thought he was at work so wouldn't wonder where he was during the day and probably left work early saying he didn't feel well. He thought it would be e asy but when in the midst of the meeting, realized he had no idea how to carry this out long term and likely realized from talking to me how sharp and smart I was and that I would put two and two together and figure it out in no time.
I am not the kind of person who wants to be the 'other lady friend' for a guy in a commited relationship, so if he's sseparated, divorced or widowed, thats the only way I would go into this.
Now I know the mutual friends are people who would know if he is seeing someone or married. But I don't know details and if they've ever been to where he lives and with him almost 24/7 so they would have met a girlfriend. Men like this can actually love the one they are with but long for what they do not get from that relationship and think its simple to try and get from you what they don't get from their lady, but I think they realize that they can't get away with it and though they have genuine feelings toward the new woman, their better judgement has them closing it down at last minute, not responding.
If a guy is interested in a woman and there is no reason why he can not date her, he will find a way to contact her, even without a phone number by hunting down her friends or hanging out in places where he thinks he may run into her again. Yes, I know that from talking to guy friends and that is how men are, they will do everything in their power to carve out time for meeting with a woman they were so impressed with. So all I can deduce is that in some way, he is not available. I don't mean to make him sound like a bad guy. For all I know, he has a rare disease he hasn't told anyone about, because he doesn't want to be treated differently and knows his life is limited and doesnt't want a woman ending up grief stricken losing him in a couple years. There are probably a few other scenerio's. So there is really nothing your can do. If you push this and find a way to contact him or talk to him, don't be surprised to get mixed signals of joy at seeing you and also feeling the distance he is putting up between you. Leave it alone and if he isn't contacting you within a month, then it is best you move on, no matter what he said to your friends. A man will move heaven and hell to be with the woman he loves
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