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Is he being legit or looking to be in any relationship?
I am a girl in high school
I’ve been talking to a guy from my school for a while now. He has been really open and honest with me. He wants to go on a date with me. It’s been moving really fast. But he had a girlfriend a month ago. I don’t want to be a rebound if he’s just looking to have someone. So is he just being desperate wanting a date or is this real?
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Hey,
Its a very obvious concern of your's about the above mentioned guy.
I would suggest you to not rush directly for the relationship, its highly possible that its a rebound for him.
What you should do is give time for the bond you two share to grow, if you see that the guy is pushing you, not really directly but many other ways to be in a relationship , then its highly likely that he will use you as a rebound.
But if you see he is ready to share more time with you to in order to make your bond strong then as i said take your time and accept him only if you see it as good for you.
Hope this helps!!!
Thank You
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Sometimes it is just fun to go on a date without becoming involved. Dating doesn't have to involve intimacy. You can just go out and have fun and get to know each other. Go on a date, relax and just have fun!
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Dragonfly is on point. The best way to check whether he is playing you, vulnerable and desperate, or seriously interested, is to go slow with the romantic part of it and keep it on a genuine level of support and genuine care without moving into the romantic/sexual realm right away. If he becomes impatient and pressuring about physical involvement, then you know that it is rebound and not a genuine interest in you. Respect for his former girlfriend as well as you would generally involve a waiting period of grieving and moving out of his emotional connection with her.
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Rebound is a possibility. If it has only been a month, there are two possibilities. One is that he feels odd if he doesn't have a girlfriend, and maybe a gf is like a status symbol to him, fears his buddies will think something is wrong with him if he doesn't have one. People who are like this, want a date not so much because they want to be close friends and more than friends with the person, they are simply using the person more like an accessory. Sure they may have some interest. New Relationship energy guarantees they will be excited, like riding a wave of excitement more like a high. When that calms down, mistakenly, such a person will assume, the love or interest died and they break up and move on to the next, always seeking that new relationship high which is as addictive as other vices.
Don't worry, this may not be the case but with younger people, not having much life experience yet in the dating area, this mistake happens often.
You say its moving fast. So if he had a gf a month ago, I must assume that by fast, you mean 4 weeks, or way less. With some adults who have lots experience and really know what to stay away from and what to look for in a significant other, things can progress in as short as a month. Thats how it was for me, the second time around, after a divorce to someone who was not only abusive but totally wrong for me in many ways. I took what I learned to avoid and used my experiences to find the right guy. Both he and I knew after two weeks that we had found the person we would grow old together with. I was actually 50 at the time and have been with him now 10 yrs and still happy.
I have no idea what you believe openness and honesty to be, so I can't make a comment there.
However, if you want to find out if he is more int erested in just you as a person and not into having you as an accessory at his side, all you have to do is tell him that you are willing to try being friends first for a while and 'Maybe' later, you will let him know if you want to move on to being bf/gf or whether you realize its not going to work to move forward.
This is a great way to find out where he stands.
A person can say anything to impress but words are cheap. Harder is actually being consistant and being the person they tell you they are. So if he says he is willing to just be friends for now, good. But that alone doesn't mean he is a good choijce and legit. IF he wants to rush through the friendship to move on to dating, then he doesnt really care about you, doesn't have interest beyond liking your looks. With friendship, that may move on to a dating relationship, you want the friendship to be genuine. Some people have no idea what a real friend is. So in case it helps, I will use myself and hubby as an example. We are best of friends and also lovers and in love with each other. The most rewarding, great relationships for couples are built on two things, being each others best friend and also having the perfect romance together. The romance and desire are the only things that make a dating relationship differ from a friendship one. We all make mistakes in dating. SOme learn from them, some don't. It isn't too early for you to be serious enough to set your boundaries and stick with them and hopefully have several good and serious relationships before you find the one guy for you to be with the rest of your life.
SO, my husband is my best friend. He is willing to really listen to what I say, take note of what I like and surprise me at times with little things that shows he does listen and care and enjoys seeing me happy. It can be something for my dragonfly related collection, or something as small as my favorite salad, chips or dessert. He encourages and compliments me all the time. I hear him say I love you daily and never tire of it because I know it is not just words. He proves it all the time. He supports what I want and like, and is always building me up with words. This would mean knowing me well enough to know what my interests and talents are and encouraging me to focus on those things. As a friend, he listens to when I have frustrations to get out and talk about, when I am sad, offering a hug to make me feel better. When I do something that might irritate him, he never yells or criticizss since he knows he does the same thing and I don't jump on his case either. He doesn't pick and choose what he likes about me but accepts it all, all my spots and wrinkles in personality. He's there for me when I am sick, going for example to a 24 hr store at midnight to get medicine I needed when really sick with the flu. ITs this kind of stuff that shows a person really cares about you, not just when things are going well. We don't blame each other if one of us accidentally break or damage something. And beleive me, its happened plenty of times. Getting angry and yelling and throwing fits won't change what has already happened. In fact, we never share the truth of any dumb thing one of us may have done, with others, because we wish to not embarrass or make the other look bad. This is some of what a true friend in a mate or date is. If he is truly interested in you to date, he will agree to being friends first to let you kave time to see if you are ready for more with him. It will give him time to get to know you. If he begins to pester you wanting to know if you will be his gf, it could be inexperience showing so you would need to give him a chance by explaining that you want to have a guy who is willing and allows you to make the first step on anything, even kissing and more. But pressure from a guy usually means they do not care whether you are ready yet which means they basically don't care about you at all and all the rest was just pretence to get what they wanted. My hubby at age 49 when we met, did not make the first move to kiss me, he let me choose when I was ready, if at all, to kiss him. Now remember, this is at age 50 for me, so I was no kid, neither was he. But he was a gentleman, no pressure, and let me have the reins so to speak, whether this relationship would happen or not. Ultimately, that is what you are looking for. Lots of young guys today, have no good image to follow, parents who are mismatched in relationship, bad examples from society or TV. A guy who truly cares, will make corrections if you let him know right at the start of something he says or does that bother you or hurt you.
If you have any more questions along the way, just let me know by going straight to me column, Dragonflymagic and asking away. Blessings to you.
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