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Should I go out with this guy? And how to tell my mom
There is a cute guy from my school that I have been texting a lot recently. He asked me if we could go out sometime and catch a movie. The only problem is, I’m not sure if my mom would let me. Me and my mom have never talked about if I am allowed to date or not, so I am scared to ask. What is a good way to figure out what she thinks about it without scaring her into saying no? And even though I don’t know him that well, if all else works out, should I go out with him?
I am about to turn fifteen and I’m in freshman year of high school. I am a girl.
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I think it is time for you to have a nice, open conversation with your Mom about dating. You are getting to the age where you should begin dating. My daughter is 20 and when she began dating, I would bring her to the date place, such as the movie theater and be there to pick her up after. Suggest that to your Mom and see what she thinks. As my daughter got older, I gave her more and more "unsupervised" dating time, but always checked in to see who she was with, where she was going etc..
Don't be afraid to talk to your Mom, she is going to probably be your biggest source for advice as you get older. Cultivating an open and honest relationship with her is key! Good luck!
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As Dragonfly advises, please talk to mom. There can be no understanding and respect without honest communication. As long as you approach your mother with respect and honesty, it is likely you can reach a mutual agreement about a reasonable way for you to spend time with the guy you want to date. You might have to allow your mother to come along for the first few times, you might need to have him over to the house first -- it is reasonable for her to want to know who he is and whether you are safe. She loves you and that is a good thing. Offer her the opportunity to tell you her perspective, and tell her you want to be honest and open with her -- that melts a mom's heart. It is our greatest desire that our children will be able to tell us the truth and that we can earn it by loving them as well as letting them be free. Good luck! :~)
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It is hight time then that both you and your Mom sit and talk about this.
I am a Mom of girls. They are adults now but when in HS, I had frank talks with them and told them what I was comfortable with. I asked them to let me know of any updates or changes along the way, not to go behind my back but come to me with any new information.
Your mom may not have thought about this at all until the moment you ask what her ideas for you going out on a date are. Most parents are very protective of their girls, not as much because we don't trust our daughters, but having been teens before ourselves, we don't necessarily trust some unknownk guys because we all know what young males are like. There are exceptions to the rule and some young guys may be mature and well behaved.
If Mom says you can't date until some other age later, or that she has to talk to Dad first if you have a Dad present, or whatever excuse that essentially means you can't go out sometime, then I suggest the following step, if you are willing to settle for it:
I told my daughters that I had no problem with them having male friends in HS and wanting to spend time with a guy hanging out, and him wanting the same. However, I wished it to start at the friendship stage before moving on with our blessing. The way I determined this should happen, is that the boy in question be welcomed to come to our house, same as any girlfriend of hers. Only this could only happen if we were home to chaperone. I had a chance to hear from a teen girl whose parents had done the same thing. The boy came over often, was polite and willing to chat with her parents and they got to know him really well, his character and personality. And when they were comfortable with him, they allowed the daughter to go out on dates with him, knowing she'd be in safe hands, and be treated well. Physical abuse of teen girls by their boyfriends is a really high statistic, and then there is always a date who pressures the girl for sex, when she is not prepared or ready and he doesn;t care because he is not the one risking a chance of getting pregnant. I knew all this so I added that when a guy did come over, they could hang out in her bedroom but the door must remain open. I have no problem with occasional kisses and hand holding. Believe it or not, my girls thought it fair and I really hoped male friends would not feel intimidated and actually come over. But even though they invited and gave the guys my ground rules, not a single one was willing. Either they were intimidated which already meant, I did not think too high of them, they were wimpy males.... or the guys may have pretended to be interested in my daughter when all they wanted was sex and with my rules, it wasn't going to happen. In the story of the teen girl I told you whose parents were okay with the guy comeing over, they liked and trusted him so much that while she was still in HS, they gave their blessing for the two to become sexually active.
My spin on this was telling my girls I wished that they might wait until they graduated before actually dating and sex. YOu don't have to share all these details with MOm, but I felt the entire background story might help you. I asked them to watch the girls in school who were popular and in and out of relationships often and how the breakups and excitement of each new relationship, caused their grades to suffer as they couldn''t concentrate. My girls all reportsd seeing grades fail with these girls and ddecided for themselves to wait until they graduated for dating. Each one got into a relationship with sex at around age 18, 19 when they were a bit more mature. I did say this was my ultimate hope but if they were friends with a guy who came to our place and they found it hard to resist becoming sexual, that they were to come to me and I would get them on the pill so they couldn't become pregnant in case a condom failed. Condoms had to be used in case of STDS. They understood this, but it never happened. We would openly talk of such things so it never felt awkward. I wish you the best in talking to Mom.
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