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Developed a crush on girl in December (through an odd reason). How do I bui
We never really spoke to each other much beforehand but one day in December we were playing Kahoot together (I know, very random. Now, if you don’t know what Kahoot is, it’s an online quiz app that’s often used in schools. She asked me to be on her team for the Kahoot (though it was quite obviously because her close friends were absent that day). We got along well, there was some sort of spark there- I felt we had a good connection. She seemed to enjoy playing the game with me too. We got along very well but this crush on her literally came out of nowhere and has lasted a couple of months now.
I think it’s just refreshing to have a teen who’s relatively ‘normal’ and doesn’t try too hard to be edgy like most of the kids in my school do.
I’m sat next to her in another class where we often work together, however since that aforementioned game, we seem to be getting much closer. It’s literally the oddest situation ever.
Now, I’m not exactly the most confident guy in the world (I have Asperger’s) so I’m not sure if/how to act on my feelings for her. Most of her closest friends don’t take me very seriously (not many people generally do), so I’m worried that if we do get together, I’ll be laughed at and ridiculed by numerous people.
How do I ask her out when no-one’s around? Also, how do I build up the confidence to ask her out in general?
I’m worried about rejection, as my attraction to her is much stronger than her attraction to me (I don’t know whether she sees me as anything more than a friend).
Now, I’m currently in my last year of high school (UK high school, age 15) so I really want to ask her out before May/June as there’s a chance I may never see her again.
Hopefully someone here will be able to advise me what to do.
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You wrote "I don’t know whether she sees me as anything more than a friend).
You have partially solved your problem with that one statement, especially the words 'more than a friend' and those are the words you need to use.
Next time you see her and are alone so she is not distracted by seeing other people, you will ask a question as I will write it. Memorize it. You must include every little part for it to work. Also, this is not to ask her out but discover if she feels anything at all for you, mainly feeling that pull, a chemistry with you, the kind of chemistry of not just friendship which you both already have, but the romantic kind.
"Since we do well together as friends, it makes me wonder how well we would do together as 'more than friends.: You say it exactly that way because each bit as a purpose. I will explain.
This is not the awkward, put on the spot feeling for her if she is not into you that way if you come out and ask her straight if she'll go out with you. If she doesn't feel anything more than friendship without the added romantic desire and love, then she either has to let you down, say no and risk hurting your feelings or lie and pretend but it will not be a rewarding relationship but she is not into it in the same way you are. Yes, many have lied to avoid hurting their best friend.
If you state that you were just wondering, that does not equal the fact that you already feel that way, so a person is more likely to reveal how they feel in return because in their mind, they reason that your choice of words say its just a thought in your mind, you are curious but it doesn't mean you are already at that point of having feelings or wanting to explore the feelings. So it lets her off the hook.
If she doesn't answer but asks why you ask, don't panic, just say, "I was just wondering. Haven't you ever wondered the same thing?" This puts it back on her to answer both questions now. Yes or no she never thought of it. And then she had to answer either, no, I know we don't even have to try because I know I don't have any of those kinds of feelings for you. Or she will say, yes, thats a good idea or something like that, where she doesn't have to come out and admit how she feels if she is sure. And if she isn't totally sure but brave enough to try, she will let you know but saying, 'yeah, lets try being more than friends. the only 'more' than friendship is friendship plus desire and love when it comes to bf/gf relationships. I had a girlfriend in HS who has Aspergers. She would repeat some stories to me over and over asking if I'd heard it yet, Even if I said yes, she'd tell me the story anything. I know I plenty of people now who will start talking to me trying to talk to me when i am unaware because they are behind my back. As this is a very important thing for you to know, please make sure you are facing her or have got her attention first by placing a hand on her arm or shoulder and waiting until she turns to you. This is a neat trick to use before you start talking to someone if you have Aspergers and tend to just start talking at a person without the eye contact. Almost all of the time, when I want to mention something to a stranger, a friends, even my husband, I need to get their eye contact if they aren't already looking at me and simply calling the persons name or the touch method both work really well. If she is already talking to someone else with no signs of stopping, patiently wait with a hand on her shoulder and she will turn to you because that is a silent signal you want to say something. Then you say, "When you are done, I just wanted to say something to you in private." Either she leaves the other person then or finishes while you wait. Other than this, I do not see Aspergers as making a person unable to be a good choice for a relationship. Knowing your weaknesses and tendencies and coming up with tricks you Always live by and use every single time, will help you to have an even better relationship, same as any people without Aspergers should be doing. This is easy simple relating stuff that may not come naturally to you but will help greatly in relating to any people.
So if she says no, that she doesn't want to be more than friends, that is actually not a rejection of you, because of what you said, it is her stating that she doesn't feel the chemistry needed to be more than friends.
I can't say why its there for some and not for others. After a divorce, I met and went out with plenty of guys. It didn't matter how rich they were, or if the guy looked like a hot male model, I met one guy like that and after 3 dates, he lost interest as the initial interest in my looks wasn't enough for a relationship which is true for everyone. One he started getting to know me a little better, he realized, that he did not feel any chemistry with me.
Was I rejected? Nope. It was a matter of both of us not feeling chemistry toward each other. It is never a rejection of what makes up the total sum of you, not habits or hobbies, or mannerisms, but the fact that there just isn't any pull toward you, the romantic attraction or chemistry as I call it. Don't let a fear of not having chemistry with her, stop you from using my question to ask her. Worst case scenario, you will eventually find someone you admire as a friend who also feels chemistry back for you.
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