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helpppppp
okay so I like this dude named lucifer. We dont have any classes together or anything and when we text i always hit him up and today was like the first time we talked in person I just walked up to him and was like what class do u have next and he said computers why and i said oh i was just wondering. And im stuck should i stop hitting him up and wait for him to hit me up? should i just forget him and move on? i just really need help.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Why don't you just ask him if he wants to hang out? What's the worst he could say? No? If you really like this guy you don't want to regret not taking a chance and asking him. Maybe he feels the same way. Whatever happens will happen. Good Luck!
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He wouldn't text with you if he wasn't interested in some way. There are several ways a guy is interested. He may be interested in a girl for sex only, for friendship only-meaning he lacks feeling any chemistry for the romance and sex part, or he wants you for both. Just texting won't tell you which one of these it is.
You likely need more skill with how to have a conversation face to face. The younger generations who grew up with cell phones and texting have little to no experience with that. Just because you came to a dead end in your conversation, doesn't mean he wasn't willing to talk.
First, since I am not of your generation, I want to be clear on the term 'hitting up' and will go by Urban dictionarys description to help you.
It says: hitting up is messaging a guy/girl you find attractive with the soul intention of making you and them an item at some point. So if I am correct, you are hoping that talking to him is the way to make him fall for you and want to ask you to be his girlfriend.
I think I better share with you something about attraction first. I listed the ways a guy may be interested. Now I will share how a guy is attracted because it is important regarding what you want to do.
First, lets say there is a nerdy guy, unpopular and too plain looking for your taste but this guys keeps saying Hi and one day finds the guts to ask for your number. If you give it, he will assume you really like him. Then one day he tries to talk to you in person. Imagine this guy in front of you whom you are not attracted to at all. Is there anything he can say or do to suddenly be attractive to you? If you think there is, then you better try out what you think will work and try it on Lucifer. The truth is, it won't work. This is one of those things scientifically proven in life that seems unfair, especially if you feel attracted to someone. So whats up here? How can one person be attracted and the other is not attracted back. Animals have something called Pheromones and use this to attract another of their species to mate. Humans have pheromones too but not much study has been done on it. However I can tell you from my own experience that no matter how rich or handsome a guy is, if there wasn't identical pheromones coming from both of us or at least a close match, then a kiss from such a handsome guy would still feel gross, as if I just received a romantic kiss from my Dad or Uncle. That bad news is that whatever pheromones you were born with, you can not change. So when a person is attracted to someone who doesn't feel a pheromone connection subconsciously, then the person feeling something is mistaking what they feel for true mutual attraction. So what I am telling you that you would do well to remember, is that you can not force a person to feel attraction to you, it is not possible. So you can start out with friendship with any guy and later after being friends a while ask the following question: 'We are doing great as friends. It makes me wonder if we'd also do great as more than friends. What do you think?" This question opens the idea of moving on into a BF-GF relationship. However you must ask his opinion because that is vital to knowing whether you've got a red light or green light. If he doesn't feel romance and attraction and strictly only friendship, like a kid sister, then he will say, no, thats not a good idea or admit to not feeling that way about you. If he does feel it, he doesnt have to admit it, just agree its a good idea and then either of you plan a real date, start holding handing, kissing, etc.
I know this is all jumping ahead but you need to know this before even trying to have a conversation in person.
Now, you need to be a good listener. If a girl is asked a question like you asked him, she will not only tell you what class she has next but likely let you know if she likes the teacher, if she has friends in the class, etc. You get some detail. Guys are more simple, they only answer the question you ask. Yes, there will always be sexes who are a bit different than the general population but for the most part, his answer was a typical one, answering and asking why you asked. To him it probably seemed like an out of the blue question, one that he was wondering why you asked. It would be like a girl asking you why you wore that outfit. You would probably answer 'because I like it' but for her to not have been already talking to you and just walk up, wouldn't you wonder why she asked or if she noticed something off about your outfit and you would want to know, right? I sure would. I would ask, Why do you ask.
So he didn't do anything wrong.
Saying you were just wondering is okay. But if a girl answered you the same way, you would wonder why she was just wondering in the first place, am I right?
First, take a deep breath, keep your cool and just start talking and weave in some truth. You don't have to tell all the truth. You can mention a piece of truth to start to launch your conversation.
The truth here is that you both text to chat but never have in person and likely neither of you know anything about each other. Most of what is found in texting is short abbreviations with very little real data or information so its a very bad way to get to know someone. Now using the cell to actually call and chat is better. But in person is the best because you get to pick up on body language, facial expressions and have tone of voice which you don't have in texting. This is crucial. If a friends offers you something and you shake your head No, then she could either be upset with you rejecting her nice gesture or find it funny and want to tease you. So her words "What, you don't like my present?" can be said in an upset tone, angry tone, or it could sound lighthearted with exaggerated facial expressions and a smile. It is good to know when its a tease or if someone is offended. That way you aren't trying to back track as you would assume you should if you got that in a text.
So you could have said, "We text but I literally don't know much about you yet. I would like to fix that problem and so I will start with a question. What is your next class?
With that, he has already been given the reason why you asked so he can't say, Why do you ask.
Also, the explanation hints that this should be a two way thing. You find out more about him and he finds more out about you. So if he simply answered but doesn't ask a question of you in return, you would have to prompt him and this means the chat doesn't stop there as it did for you. So at first, you will have to think through ahead of approaching him, what you want to ask and how to phrase it best. think in your mind how you might answer someone asking you the same thing, and how it could go wrong. ITs hard like this at first but once you get used to how to start conversation, it won't take any pre planning and you just let the words flow. I used to have social anxiety as a child and teen and was terrified of approaching people to start conversation because I had no idea how to do it and we didn't even have cell phones back then.
Another trick is not asking a question that can be answered with a yes or no cus it often dead ends there. You need them to say enough and listen to their answer so you can pick up on something they said and use it to make your next comment. He only said the word Computers, so you have no choice but say something about computers. So if could be anything but should be true, If you hate learning computers, you said, "I hate computers and learning about them. I am happier with my iphone and using the internet and apps. If that is all you say for example, he can only make a comment or ask based on phones, apps or not liking computers. He might ask or agree or make a comment in return or simply nod his head and say no more.
Usually if a guy is pressed for time or its a bad time to talk like getting to class on time, he will not say much. If he is somewhat interested in you as a friend but not more, not for becoming a couple ever, then he is not as likely to work hard at keeping the conversation going.
Now if a guy is interested, it won't take much for him to make an effort and continue the conversation, just to spend more time in your presence. For people of any age, either the conversation is like pulling teeth to get an answer, or it flows so easily that you both actually notice that fact. However, you are just starting to learn how to hold conversations in person. I wouldn't assume the guy isn't interested if you have trouble with chatting face to face in the first place, not yet. Later, once you are good at this, if you are trying to talk with him and it seems you have to drag conversation out of him, then there probably isn't any chemistry or pheromone connection at all between you. It isn't your conscious mind that figures this out but your subconscious mind picks up on something, senses it.
My example: I was taking a baby granddaughter out of her car seat after giving her and her Mommy a ride home. Before lifting her out, something pricked my senses telling me to look up and I did to see a man walking his Dog down the sidewalk. He was staring at me and as he kept walking, he started looking back over his shoulder at me. It was split seconds but I knew I was picking up on a mutual interest as he was too. We hadn't spoken at all, just seen each other. Never saw him again. Its something more like that.
Another hint: Compliment people and get them started talking about themselves. People tend to believe you are the best conversationalist if you are asking them to talk abut themselves while you do all the listening except for asking another question or two along the way. Hope this helps. If you get stuck again and want to know another different way you could have handled it, just write me the details of the conversation and I will give you ideas. Even though its after the fact, you can still learn from it this way.
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Personally, I think you should move on. However it really depends on how you feel. If you really like him, keep him in the back of your mind, but don't actively go after him- if he's not interested, he'll only get weirded out and drift farther away. Say hi to him when you see him, but don't say anything else if you don't need to. Leave it up to Lady Luck. Maybe in the future, you'll be in a situation where you have to be together a lot, and you can rekindle this spark, but for now, you should probably move on.
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