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Should I have a baby?
Hi.. I'm 19, my bf is 28 and we are together for a year now. I really want to have a baby. I have a stable job and we live together. We had a pregnancy scare not long ago but we were really excited. When i found out i was not pregnant we were both really disappointed. We talked about having a child and he said he'll support me and that he's happy. My mom won't like it though because she does not like my bf. I really want a baby. What should i do?
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find a guy who not only says he'd support you but wants to be your legal husband. If you want to chance it and marry a boyfriend who can so easily walk away since he's not married, you'd then be a single mom. Yes, no matter married or not, the one who fathered the child has to pay child support but its no fun doing it alone. At 28, and knowing you for a year, he should be real sure by now if you are the one to commit to for the rest of his life.
I am a Mom and I also am not crazy about the guys my daughters married as they each are handicapped in ways that are not physical but other disabilities. Moms may not like your choice, but you have to make the best decision you can make at this time. 19 is still kinda early to launch into having a kid. The older we get, even by a few years, the more mature we are and better able to handle the ups and downs of dealing with a baby, toddler and young child. Having a kid just because you want one is not the best reason. Its like wanting that new hair color or wanting to go after a certain degree in school and upon being in the middle of it, realizing you don't really like that hair color after all, so you change it back, or the time invested into school can be switched to another degree. Most things you want and find you are tired of or don't like, you can get out of, but once you've brought a child into the world, you can't get out of that. If you like babies so much, if its possible, go work for a year or two at a nursery and get your fill there. Its not your own but you get to still enjoy them. If both of you are excited to have a child together, check to see how committed he really is. Its not like getting a pet and then finding a new home...cus you didn't give birth to a dog. Its a human being you created and if you decide to give it up for adoption if things dont' work out, then you'll forever be wondering what kind of parents and home they are living in and if its good enough and perhaps there could be guilt as well. Its a lot of guessing on my part. Many people do not marry and stay together long term or for life. My current partner and I are older and divorced from exs and this time, more for financial reasons as many older couples who get together do, they are not married but the commitment is to be there till our last day on earth and consider each other husband and wife. If that is how he feels about you, great, no problem. But most young people I see, do not have that kind of commitment or determination to work thru the hardships of life that may come your way, in one form or the other. Thats what life on earth is, lots of hardships and very few escape ever having to deal with one. Of course I wouldn't avoid having a child because of hard times that may come, but I dont know your two's mind sets. So many instead of turning to each other and bolstering each other up when one is ill, or loses a job or someone wrecks your car and other unexpected bills, and much worse. I am not immune to experiencing these kinds of things and have throughout my life. My husband and I though instead of being torn apart by a hardship, we do our best to comfort, cheer and pep talk the other through it all. If we both feel the blues, we know that at least, the one thing that can't go wrong is being alone because we have each other.
Having a child is expensive too. You can't be on a boyfriend health insurance for the birth, unless the guy is your husband. My ex lost his job when I found out I was pregnant and even when He got a new job, that fact I was already pregnant, I would not be covered on insurance. Disposable diapers and even the cloth ones get expensive. I did both with first child. I remember having no money and thought the child was potty trained but she went back to peeing in her training pants and these were cloth. When I told her I had nothing for her to wear she said, Go out and buy some Mom. I told her we had no money to buy any and that we needed her to do better cus she'd already done it and go in the potty. Its stuff like this, and the clothes they will need that add up. Right now my daughter has a 1 yr old. Her husband is disabled from army and not working. She works and they still are broke all the time and its a struggle to provide for their daughter. True, kids that young won't know or care if its second hand clothes, etc... but when theres times you can't even do that, its bad. ANd you might check into the cost of childcare, whether a daycare or in a persons home, cus its expensive. I did in home daycare for a while and every mom was price shopping or saying she could only afford to pay .... and named an amount. I certainly didn't get paid anywhere near minimum wage back then and had all the work to do despite that. So there are plenty of things to think about. It is entirely your decision dear, but if it was up to me, I wait 3 years to start having a kid. In reality, we actually were married 7 years at the time I had my first. I married at age 20 and had three kids all 3 yrs apart..by accident, not planning. So I was older but not too old. My daughter was 2 yrs younger than I was when having her baby.
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