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F/15 grounded after taking the rap for sister [F/17]
My older sister and I share a room. She'd been smoking for awhile and I'd been on her ass to quit since cigarettes are unhealthy and disgusting. One day our mom found one of her packs hidden in a drawer in our room. When she asked who they belonged to, I spoke up and claimed they were mine. I got grounded as a result.
I told my sister that since I was taking her punishment for her, she owed me. She told me she'd quit smoking and hasn't since.
I'm now two weeks into a month of being grounded. (Parents don't know I'm on the computer right now) My sister has been cigarette free the entire time. I know guilt tripping her like that was a little manipulative, but if it got her to stop, it's a good thing right? I know she wouldn't have quit if she'd been the one who got grounded. She just would've gotten better at hiding them.
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Well here's one way to look at it: Your only crime was lying to your parents. I don't know what punishment they would give for a lie if any. But if the length of time of grounding is because of assuming you really were the one smoking, then perhaps you can get out of grounding by leveling with them or get it shortened.
I am a parent with all girls. They are now young adults but I can look at this from my viewpoint as a parent. Parents want their children to get along and learn to really love and be supportive of their siblings.
The way I look at this, if one of my daughters came and told me eventually that she did not smoke and she was covering for her sister in hopes that the guilt trip would trigger her to stop smoking. And she did this because she were so concerned for sister's well being that she would try anything that worked to get her to stop, then I would find it pretty easy to overlook her lie. I may or may not confront the other child. If she has quit smoking, it might be best to not dig it up and have the stress of my chewing out the other one causing her to go back to cigarettes. I would probably ask the one who covered for her to let me know if she sees or hears anything about her sis starting up again. I'd let her know she was lucky that the guilt trip worked, because if not, sis would still be smoking and the wrong one would be grounded. Even if I felt this wasn't the best thing the daughter could have done, I would let her off grounding since she had good intent in her heart and she hadn't had any preconceived ideas to disobey and lie to her parents, that only came only when wanting to save her sister.
Maybe I am one in a million of what parents are like but I doubt that. Your parents are probably pretty close to being the same as me. I am slow to anger but they may get very angry and upset with the truth, but more out of worry for the sister. I know its scary to bring this up with the parents. I would be scared too. But if I were in your shoes, I think I would still do it. See, the one thing you can learn here is to not go above the person in charge and make decisions. Being under age still, your parents are the ones to decide how to handle the sister and her smoking. Skipping over them is like a slight against them even if you didn't mean it, as if they are not all that important. This happens in job situations where it is best to not go to HR dept with an issue but bring it to your immediate supervisor or manager. It is their job to take it then to someone higher up to take care of the issue. I almost made that mistake until a co worker warned me I had to take it in steps. Only if the manager ignored the issue I brought to him/her, then would I have the right to skip on to the next higher up authority. ITs the same when there are bad parents who don't care even if they've been told. I doubt your parents are the kind who would have ignored this because of the fact they sentence grounding for smoking. That shows they really do care no matter what your sister might have thought.
So it would be reasonable for them to be upset for your not coming to them with this so they could handle it, for taking matters into your own hands, even if it worked. It would have worked at my job too if I'd gone above my boss and the owner of the company heard of the issue through me, but I might have then had bad blood between me and my boss. YOu don't want that with your parents. That is something you can admit to them you realize now was wrong, taking matters into your own hands even if it turned out okay. If you can apologize and show you understand the dynamics of this situation, it will go all the better for you because your parents will see you've learned an important life fact and in that way be happy for you that you are growing and maturing. If you wait until they find out on their own that you duped them, you may lose their trust. They won't be able to trust your sister and that is fitting since she needs to be on good behavior consistently for a length of time to regain their trust, but you may be able to regain their trust that they don't even know they have lost in you by how maturely you handle this, giving the facts, explaining your reasoning and apologizing for overlooking how they would feel. If any child of mine did that, I would be in tears of joy for her having the guts to tell me, and being proud of her that she has learned from what she did wrong. I know I am making you sound like the bad guy here, but that is not my intent. As a parent, we care most that our kids learn from their experiences, and mistakes. The mistake is only the vehicle that gets you from point A of not having a clue to point B where you have learned something and apply it to your life. There is no reason for a parent to harp on a mistake forever just because it happened, only if the person never learns from it. That is why they have grounding. If you took the grounding without complaint and never told them anything, its possible they may see it as your never having learned anything from it let alone your sister. I am glad to hear she stopped. You are a loving sister and that is praise worthy. But you need to show that you have learned something from this.
I wish you the best. Let me know how it goes. I'd be interested in your parents reaction. Either way, even if they do not react favorably as I have outlined a parent should, still try to learn from this and not hold anything against them.
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You did the right thing. I smoked for 52 years and are now recovering form open heart Bypass surgery as a direct result of being a 2 pack a day smoker.
I suggest next time, and there will be a next time, you tell your are parents before they discover a cigarette.
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