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I’m tired of people saying I’m awkward?
I don’t get how I’m awkward I’m literally just being myself and different people keep saying I’m awkward it all started in grade 9 when this girl in my class randomly came up to me and hugged me from behind and I was caught off guard so I said “oh okay” when I looked back to see who it was. Then she was like “omg maise you’re so awkward” and started laughing, even though I’m not used to hugs from behind. Another time was in grade 11 I was talking to an old friend from elementary school I don’t really remember the conversation but she said I was awkward. Now that I’m hanging out with my acquaintances that I’ve known since I was like 9 (I don’t consider anyone really a friend except for one person) keep saying I’m awkward whenever we hangout. I’m sorry I don’t wanna hug you all the time when we’re together and I’m sorry I don’t really have anything to talk to you about. I do notice though when I’m talking to some of them they always try to make conversation like I don’t mind when a convo dies but to them we always have to talk every second. I guess they sense an awkward silence but I don’t think the silence is awkward. Another thing was yesterday my sisters friend saw me walking I think I might’ve glanced at him and looked away and he decided to rant to my sister about how I always make it awkward for him by looking at him and then looking away before he could say hi (I didn’t even realize it was him in the first place). Plus even if I did realize it was him I wouldn’t have said hi because we don’t even talk and he’s never said hi to me in my life. Lastly this was in November my uncle and my sister were talking and I wasn’t listening and they came up to me and started staring at me and I kept asking “what? What?” And my uncle was like “why do you keep acting like that” and I said like “what?” And he then asked my sister why do I keep acting like that and she said she doesn’t know and I said I didn’t even hear your conversation and left. I guess they were staring at me to give my input on what they were talking about but I didn’t hear a word about what they were talking about. I could go on and on about how people keep calling me awkward but it would be long. It’s gotten to the point where now I’m more self-conscious in social settings, before I didn’t care but now that everyone keeps calling me awkward I keep thinking about not messing up in public, before I couldn’t eat in public now I could careless, before I couldn’t go to the mall myself but now I can but at the back of my mind I feel like people are judging me (I’m a 19 year old female)
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Without actually being able to observe you, I can't say for sure what might be going on. But since you get the very same word from everyone, they are all obviously picking up on something that makes you seem a bit different from everyone else. I didn't like to conform and be like everyone else in school. I wore what I wanted, not the lastest fashion all the girls wore, I used my own expressions, not the latest terms teens were using. And there is nothing wrong with that. I too had anxiety about what other people might be thinking of me and their ignoring me hitting as bad as any unkind words or teasing. But I can tell you one thing. The people who gone on just being themself and not trying to find out what others feel makes them different and then forcing themselves to change to be a carbon copy of the others, these people are actually much stronger individuals than those who conform. See, they fear attention from being different so they cave in sometimes before it even starts, the picking on. . .and they choose to dress, behave, act, look like everyone else. That is not a good thing for society because a lot of that will hang around when they are older adults. As I grew older and outgrew the natural teenage angst we all have at that age, I discovered I was a much stronger person than the others. At my recent 40th HS reunion for example, all the people in attendance huddled with maybe one person they knew and did not try to approach others to say Hi and reconnect or make new friends, except for one woman. I realized as I approached the others and greeted them, they all seemed friendly and some relieved they didn't have to make the first move, it hit that these were all the people i thought had confidence in HS, were outgoing and knew how to handle themselves. All they had done is learn how to hide their insecurities about who they were. One gal who had social anxiety in school apologized for never having approached me to befriend. I was shocked. Other than one girl, I was the most outgoing, friendly, funny, social butterfly and came home to at least a dozen new FB friend requests from that.
I am saying all this to drill in the point I am making that it is not wrong or bad for something in how you act or talk to be different, that makes you strong and you will have the most opportunities in life to try new things that others are not doing, simply because you are braver and stronger, even though you don't feel it right now. I did not either when I was your age. Maybe around 21-22 I finally got to a place where it did not bother me anymore. People your age are typical to the thinking that everyone has to act just like the other. Your adult may be like the adults I saw at reunion, he has no clear identity of his own because he had followed his peers trying not to stand out in any way and that is how some older adults could look at you and say the same thing that you are awkward. It's odd that no other word is used like 'too quiet', anti-social, strange, unsure of self, bizarre, etc." This leads me to think it is nothing bad at all. Speaking is only a small part of communication and in fact the bigger part is body and facial language. Although most people do not understand or are mindfully aware they are picking up on body language, our subconscious mind is what picks up on stuff that they may feel is different from everyone elses body language. The only other thing I can think of is having been born with something like Aspergers or some such syndrome that makes you act a little differently in social settings. I had a girlfriend like that in school. I was probably few of kids who accepted her as she was, even if she asked me for the umpteenth time if she had told me the story about such and such and even if I said yes, she would repeat it. So I learned to say no and sound eager to hear. I didn't understand why she was different in that way and other ways, but at least I could understand her and we still had fun together.
If you can at least hold at the back of your mind the concept that you are actually a stronger person in the making, than any of these people who pick on you and call you awkward, it may slowly help you to get by until you grow a bit older and more confident about yourself and less affected by others opinions. Your example of responding with "Oh okay" when grabbed from behind, is not bad. Most people would state something like "gee, you scared me or gee you startled me or Don't do that, you made me jump out of my skin, or oh good, it's you Jenny, not a weirdo. On thinking of it, if I were saying 'Oh okay," I would be saying that more to myself, talking to myself out loud, for the purpose of telling myself it's okay, there's nothing to worry about, it was just a friend, not a stranger. I still speak to myself all the time and I am in many ways more well balanced than others for it Won't go into details on talking to yourself unless you write and ask for examples to see if any thing to compares to your situation.
I knew I did this. You may not be aware, if it is true you do this, and that means when you speak out loud, others hear and it doesn't make sense to them as it does when you talk to yourself (your subconscious mind actually) because it is not their thought and the rest of it is in your head, the rest they did not hear so to them a response of 'oh okay' they don't understand, they call awkward. No, its not awkward of you, they are feeling awkward because they don't get it and hoping they can get you to change and be just like them.That would make them feel better. This of course is focused on them, not caring how you feel. They just haven't learned how to care about others who may be other than the norm. They are not able to explain what is seeming to be so awkward to them because it's probably something like body language, a social syndrome, talking to yourself, concepts they just don't understand.
I agree there's nothing wrong with silent periods when conversation dies. Simply being with friends should be enough, without having to speak. But since they seem to "feel awkward' when there is no conversation at the moment, that is on them, that is their problem. WHile you may be different from the norm, it is every one elses problem and their feelings and reaction of awkwardness that come from within them that is the real thing going on here.That may be more due to their ignorance and not knowing that it is okay to be different and to be willing to learn more about what ever concept it is, or to simply be okay with it.
In the case of sisters friend complaining that you looked away before saying HI, try to be conscious of what your face looks like. You may have no need to start up a conversation with them, but it seems to be good manners when at least acknowledging anyone you really know by at least a wave and a smile. A smile goes a long way. My relaxed face is more of a formidable one, I have German background and so many german people have a very stern look on their face all the time. I can't change that, how I look when I am relaxed. But I can choose to smile, wave and say Hi at least in the situation like yours. I don't know if you are doing that. If you are, you are doing fine and they have the issues, it's internal problems in them that nothing you or others do could fix until they want to learn to change and improve their self for the better. If you aren't try it. Even if you did not recognize the person with sis. you could have smiled and said HI and made sure you gave it an extra few seconds of eye contact so they realize you saw and acknowleged them. If you said Hi Sis without acknowledging the other person, he could have his own issues of fearing acceptance and think you personally didn't address him. That is why a wave and a Hi without using the name usually works, even if I have forgotten someone name. Then if they approach me to chat for a bit more, it's at that point I might say, I know you but your name slips my mind at the moment. A person who can be brave enough to face and speak the truth is already way ahead of someone else who can't for fear people might be offended. I can't imagine going through my entire life always overthinking what I do because I am fearing offending others, or their not approving, or thinking I am weird. If you catch someone staring at you or calling you awkward, the best way to overcome how you feel is to use some humor. At the very least, it could put you at ease but may do the same for them. If someone says, you're too loud, or you're real weird, instead of taking it personally as a bad thing, I usually laugh and address what they just said by admitting it. Something like, Didn't you know that weird is my middle name. Or yup, I act weird just to irritate you. Is it working?" Then I have to giggle and not look serious or they will think I am being mean and picking on them. If I laugh or giggle,, people take it that it doesn't bother me, I acknowledge it and someone they relax a bit. Say you go to the library, and coming down the aisle is a person who doesnt fit the norm of peoples looks, they have the mottled skin of both a black person and a white person is patches giving the dalmation look almost. You know it's not polite to stare but they have already connected eyes with you. Despite their skin condition, inside they are the same as you. However even I feel a moment of panic in whether they would be offended if I just nodded and smiled in their direction or if they react the same way if I turn away and purposely pretend they are not there. Yeah, some people who stand out as different can have a chip on their shoulder and no matter what you do, they overreact, probably due to having gotten lots of bad reactions or rude comments from people all their life. When you put yourself in their shoes, you realize that some people will take anything wrong and others won't. Theres no pleasing some people. Again, that's on them and has nothing to do with you. It is them not knowing what to do or how to handle themselves. Basically, it is actually those other who are feeling awkward because they do not understand or know how to respond, like just accept the differences or not. We stress acceptance these days of teens who have different sexual or gender identities and that is a good thing. But if you think about it, those situations are being talking about and taught and repeated in school and throughout society that this is okay and is the norm for those people and it's okay for them to be different. So in ways, you probably see your peers responding more favorably and accepting of gays, bisexuals, gender id people than whatever they think they see in you. If reading body language, understanding social disabilities and such were talked about and society taught some basics and how to interpret or handle those situations, then no one would be telling you that you are awkward to them. Remember, they are actually feeling awkward and people tend to pin on others, that which they themselves struggle with. For example, an angry person, to take the focus off themselves will point to others and say, they have an anger problem. I know family members like this. It is not a healthy situation to suffer from. As I grew older, I learned to watch peoples faces and I still today will speak up and explain myself or tell little stories to put others at ease. If I bring up a subject they know nothing of, theres an awkward look in their face that tells me either they have no interest in the subject or more likely feel embarrassed they have no knowlege on the subject and don't want to appear uneducated to me. I will usually share enough info in a little story so they get a grasp of what I am talking about. Then if they still have no interest, they can change the topic, or say, I've always wanted to learn more about that and I am always willing to share and teach what I know. Why else would I be on here if I didn't.
I made this long to give lots of info and situations because I can really connect to how you must feel as I got that lots too throughout childhood and up to 20 or so. I wanted to get across a change in perspective, that while you may be a little different, thats okay and that it is actually the others who are feeling awkward not knowing how to understand or deal with your differences. They can't even begn to explain to you what they see. I always tell people that if you have something you want to point out to me, you can do that, I won't take anything wrong. I am always looking to improve my self in ways that I can without changing my personality and who I truly am inside. If others saw you can joke about this unknown thing or things that make them feel awkward around you, then they may feel safer to share what they feel is different about you. Most people will stay clammed up and just put it on you because at least they sense something about it not being good manners to just tell a person in detail what you think is wrong with them. That has to be invited by the person they feel is different. Only then may you get the true details of whats going on in their mind. If a friend does finally trust and open up, listen, smile and encourage them. Keep remembering this is their issue, you are just being a friend to listen and not react and take it personally. They are likely the ones who need help, not you. If you acknowledge their feeling your words are always different than what everyone else uses, then you can let them know, this is part of you. You don't know any other way to be and wouldn't want to pretend and talk the same to fit in. You like being you and being different. OR something to that effect, in your own words. Ask them if they feel better now that they have admitted how they feel. Let them know they can share anything with you as long as they are sharing their take on it in a positive way and not trying to tear you down. You can decide if anything you learn is something you can improve on or if it is part of your unique personality and character that is different but doesn't need to change. They can't tell you what they think that is. That is only up to you. It is still going to be hard for yo for a while but if you work on how you take things people say and do what you can to make them feel safe and sharing with you what they feel, that will eventually make the difference and you will see there are no longer any problems.
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