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My happiness is dependent on someone that I never see.
I suffer from severe depression, and cry every night for 1-3 hours. The only thing that calms me down is the guy that I like, and that I've liked since elementary school. He's always liked me back, but we were never together. I haven't seen him in two years, and I've only talked to him a couple times through shared friends because he doesn't have a phone and is not in my area. I listen to an old recording of him singing whenever I am sad, and it usually helps, but it's not always enough.
I'm dependent on him, I haven't seen him in three years, and I miss him. What do I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
NO. That is 100 percent not true. Your happiness and well being is not dependent open specific person or persons. It is dependent on you getting proper treatment for your illness. Even if your depression is severe crying for 3 hours straight nightly isn't normal. Your psychiatrist needs to know this and you have to be honest and vocal about what's wrong. That is how you handle this. Your medication may be wrong for you or not at the right dosage to combat what is happening. You can be happy if you follow treatment and work with the doctor.
Yes, it's nice you have good memories of the person you mentioned and find a song he recorded comforting but him being in or out of your life has zero to do with depression and being well. In reality he may not recall you after 3 years, moved away and cannot be reached. I would let go of the crush and him because you may not reconnect.
I would call your doctor in the morning and get an appointment and go over your treatment for depression and what's been going on every night and that you are never comfortable or happy outside of holding on to something from the past.
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When you ask "What do I do?" there are two issues and you didn't specify so I'll have to answer both.
Starting with the fact that you miss this friend and have no way to see him or speak regularly, even if you were not depressed, a person can miss a special friend. If he doesn't have a cell phone, do the parents have a land line and could he get the okay to use it at a certain time like regularly on Saturdays or a certain evening? Try to find out. Most people who are very outdated on technology and don't have cells or computers at least have a land line. I would mention computer next. You could do Skype and be able to see and hear him. If either of you do not have access to a computer at home, there's always the public library. You have to go in or call the library and ask for a time to use it. Time slots are 2 hrs at mine and might vary depending on how heavy a usage at a particular location. If a library, check to see if ear buds can be plugged in to listen to each other. Where there is a strong will , one will always find a way to make it happen.
Now the second issue is the fact you say you have depression. Depression should not go untreated. You didn't give enough details other than crying every night. Sure it sounds like depression. HOwever you are female and age 13. I remember that age. The hormones that were talking over my body bring on a monthly cycle of course. But it is a very big change to a females body and I still do not know of any female personally who never had issues with their emotions. I am going to go into detail on something I want you to share with your Mom because it ultimately ends up in seeing your family Dr. Young females in puberty will either cry alot, cry easily for no reason or be easily irritated at others for insignificant reasons or upset or even pretty angry. This lasts only for the duration of the time it takes your body to get used to the changes and then the emotions will calm down again. If you were 18, I wouldn't even be mentioning this as older teens are emotionally getting back to normal.
What i have mentioned is normal temporary emotional change and your Mom will remember hers. However there is something that can blow these normal changes in emotions out of proportion. It has to do with how our planet is being polluted. There is a female form of hormones present in the environment now, in plastics we use every day, and its probably in the water. there have been no studies done so the official agencies will share this with the public, however thru this site, I've heard from young females who became a totally different and mean, vicious person on one hand or if they leaned towards tears rather than anger, they became depressed. I learned from Moms who took their daughters to the Dr. to have their female hormone levels checked that in these cases of out of control emotions, their hormone level was way higher than it should be. The elevated hormones are due to females picking up hormones in their body just from the environment. Then when her body starts producing the bigger amounts of hormones just to change and mature her body and start her cycle, she has way more than a person should have and it effects the emotions. i put two and two together from reading about the forms of pollution in our environment and this is the best conclusion I could come to.
So this requires a visit to the family Dr. to have your hormones tested. If too high, the Dr can prescribe something to take care of it. It only lasts for the teen years and by time you're out of HS you most likely will no longer need that medication.
On the other hand, If you insist on having the hormone levels checked and its normal, then your Dr. can refer you to a mental health professional to check you out for clinical depression. I know you likely don't want to consider that possibility hon, but i am a MOm of a daughter who when she was in HS, developed clinical depression but she didn't tell me until after having a baby in her early 20s, she also got post partum depression on top of what she already had and got thoughts of killing herself and her baby even though she knew that was wrong. She saw a Dr and was put on meds immediately and that solved her issue. What I want to share is how I felt as the mom. Moms want to nurture and protect their kids. But not telling your Mom, you take this ability away from her. I still feel real bad that I could not see any signs of it, the daughter hid it well. I was a very hands on Mom, very involved in all my daughters lives, and they knew they could talk to me about anything, even friend troubles or sex but that is the one thing she held back. I still hate the fact she had to suffer so long without being able to help her. Whats worse is that depression can lead to suicide. If a child with untreated depression committed suicide, you think your problems are over but they start for the parents. Each may tend to blame the other for not seeing the signs. Either way, many couples who lose a child for whatever reason, especially suicide, end up splitting up. I am sure you don't want to affect your parents or any siblings that way. So it is important hon, that you do go talk to Mom.
This may be depression due to hormone overload or it may be the real depression. Don't let a Dr. send you straight to a psychiatrist for depression meds if theres a chance this may be hormonal in cause. Otherwise, it won't solve your problem but create more problems. And lastly, please let your mom read what I have written.
I wish you all the best. And i'd like to hear how this is resolved. I truly care because as i said, I have a daughter with depression.
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