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He always tell me he's busy
I'm in a long distance relationship, we are both in different universities far from eachother. Over the summer break,we bonded so well, we were close and I fell in love over again.Then he left for school, and I'm still at home.The problem here is that anytime we get back to school, we fight over everything like he blames me about not chatting up with him and checking up on him, meanwhile he knows I'm always busy and I do once I get the chance. The real problem now is that anytime I decide to call him, he's always telling me he's busy and I should call him back in an hour. It's painful cs anytime he says that, he makes me feel unwanted. After he says that, I don't talk to him anymore cs I loose interest in us.. It's not once neither is it twice he has done it.. He does it most times and I'm tired of it.. It feels like we are going more distant by day and it's painful cs I decided over d break to give my all into the relationship.. I need advice .
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
I'll share a quote that I feel applies.
'Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so.
A healthy relationship isn't something you sit back and have happen to you. It actually takes equal work on the part of both people.
You said when he says he's too busy to talk to you, it hurts and makes you feel unwanted. Have you given thought to how the same thing makes him feel? Its a two way street and isn't just about one person only getting life to unfold exactly as they imagined it would. So perhaps you both didn't realize how such a separation would affect you both. Knowing him for only 3 months before the separation may contribute. Although some can truly have met their soul mate and know each other pretty well in that short a time but for most of us, well, we need more time than that to have a solid relationship. LDRs work only for those who had a solid good length of time in the relationship before being parted by the armed forces or one going to college. I am not making my own opinion here, so if curious why, just write and ask me. "meanwhile he knows I'm always busy " you said, and maybe he knew but didn't imagine it would be that busy as you were and it was too much for him because i believe he felt what you did, all while you assumed he understood. Maybe he said he did but didn't yet kept quiet thinking he could work it out personally. Apparently not. I am guessing he was hurt and felt left out when you were busy so his response is to treat you the way he assumed you treated him on purpose, only you may not have meant to make him feel ignored or unimportant. His response is a child like response that all adults like to indulge in every once in a while, I know we aren't all perfect. But I am guessing he is avoiding you on purpose to hurt you back. I can't be certain but just by what you shared, this is my best guess. A relationship needed face to face time to survive and grow. A person can say anything they want in text and be lying so its also hard to trust a person fully. That is also another likelihood, that 3 months is not enough time for most people to build a real solid trust in each other. SO either he or both of you do not have a strong enough trust. Without that, it is even easier for him to imagine you pushing him away, etc.
If you stick with him during the time he's away, it will likely continue to be rocky. If you can see it from his perspective and not be angry but truly want to smooth things out so when school is done you both can try carrying on the relationship face to face, you will have to make the effort and bring up the subject.
No blaming him for anything. YOu can only own your feelings. This means saying how you felt when he kept saying he was budy and realizing now that likely it was how he felt too when you were busy too. When a man falls for a girl, no matter how busy he is, the excitement of being with that girl is enough to make him find time. Really, women are the same but we tend to think men aren't as emotional as women. they actually feel all the same things females do but are just better at hiding it. He did not come out and tell you how your busy-ness was affecting him without accusing or blaming you. That would have been the best and most adult like response. Instead he's doing the same to you. The other chance is that he is truly busy and has no clue it bothers you or he's lost interest and found someone else, and this is his lame way to put you off at arms length until you tire of it and go looking for someone else. i can't know what's going on in either of your thoughts. But one thing is certain, there isn't enough real good conversing going on. Talking of what you did over the past week isn't the kind of talking that will help help mature a relationship. Yes, it's important to know whats going on for each other but more important is all that internal stuff, expectations, assumptions, over thinking, misunderstanding, etc....all the kinds of stuff that is thought based and comes from our minds. This is what we need to share with each other as well as our hopes, dreams, beliefs, strengths and weakness and what we stand for. Too many get wrapped up in just the surface layer, looks, and never look deeper. Others haven't taken the time to build a solid base before leaping into something that is even hard on long seasoned marriages, a long separation. So I am not surprised that distance is affecting both of you. Either you both are willing to talk it all out, ask each other for forgiveness and makeup or you will separate.
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If he isn’t willing to put effort into the relationship then i don’t think it is worth it for you both to be in one you don’t deserve to feel unwanted or feel tired of it there is a problem when he has done what he did twice he’ll do it again and him blaming you it isn’t fair to you that you are being blamed communication works both ways he can communicate with you too make a effort with everything you are describing it seems like red flags you don’t deserve to feel what you have been feeling if he isn’t willing to give his all in the relationship like you are then i think it’s time for you to move on ultimately you need to do what’s right for you and what will make you happy you shouldn’t have to feel like you are both growing more distant being in a relationship shouldn’t be painful you shouldn’t lose interest in the person you deserve better i would move on
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