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I lied to my boyfriend
I haven't spoke to my boyfriend since Friday night . But actually I lost my phone Saturday morning and found it when I got home from work Saturday night. I then placed it on charge. I was on it for about 30 minutes before I headed to bed. I did not take that opportunity to get in contact with him. I just went to sleep . I just was a little mad he was at a party that night . So I said I just want call him. Which I knew he would get mad cause he hasn't heard from me . So me trying to avoid it I lied about why I didn't want to talk to him . And About what I was doing on my phone when I could of been Texting him . he is mad because I lied over something so small he says . What should I do ?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Cell Phones?
You need to ask yourself these questions before you'll know what to do.
First, you misplaced/lost a phone. Everyone does that several times a year sometimes several times a month. It's not like you did that on purpose. You need to realize this first.
Second, you found it and put it on to charge. I've done that too without thinking who might have called me and not gotten through. Usually its a while before theres enough charge to check if any missed calls or texts. Maybe yours can be instantly used once on a charge, mine can't. So I often forget to check for missed calls after a while and go to bed too. I am an adult. I do not call everyone who is close to me, like relatives to let them know my phone was dead and then charging. Once its charged, I call only those who tried to reach me while it wasn't usable. There is nothing wrong with that.
Not calling him to tell him you misplaced the phone was not required unless the two of you live together or are married and one is going to be worried when the other doesn't show up at home. Then if your phone is dead, you ask to borrow someones to make a quick call and let a bf or spouse know...that is good manners and saves a lot of worry for them. However, since you don't live together and are not a committed couple and still have your own lives, friends and schedules, there is no written rule or good etiquette rule that requires you checking in with your boyfriend.
Before you are upset I assumed this is not a relationship of any deep committment, your comment that he was at a party and didn't even think to invite you, means that you are not as important to him as he is to you. If the party was mutual friends, then you would have been invited too. But you didn't mention any missed calls showing on your phone so I can only assume you were not invited for 2 reasons, the bf could not just invite you if its family or friends that don't know you, without getting permission first, and two, if family members and he hasn't wanted to introduce you and show you off to his family, or even friends you haven't met yet, according to dating advice from men for women, this shows he either didn't think of it this one time, but if he does it regularly, then he doesn't think much of you, you are lower in importance to him than you think.
Now to get the next part clear, it had to be the day after the party you said you wanted to call him. Was that in text to him or did you just say that to his face in passing or was it a friend or family you said that to? I don't need to know but if you wanted to call, why announce it in text and just call? Doesnt' he answer calls?
Third: YOu say you knew he would get mad that he hasn't heard from you. Heres where I really want you to focus on that statement. Think, does he seldom initiate contact and wait for you to contact him? Are you the one who has to take the first step and text or call him? Does he lose his temper easily? Does he ask you to call him like checking in with him and letting him know what you are up to all day long? And then get mad if you don't? What makes you think he is mad in the first place?
I may be way off here, totally wrong, but if he isn't really mad, maybe he is worried instead and it is your self imposed guilt at not thinking to call him this time and in the past that make you believe he's mad when it might be concern or worry due to not hearing from you. Another line of thought for me if wondering why some people think they have to post every little thing they do each day on the internet or text friends to let them know the same. I know it is something your generation has grown up with and to you it feels so important and a thing you MUST do. However, that is not true. It is more of an annoying habit that has come into being since cell phones and texting and internet on cells. It is not a matter of disrespect. There were still landline phones in existence before cell phones but no one called their sweeties umpteen times a day to let them know where they were or what they were doing. It is because of the convenience of cells and the ease of contact and messages that the younger generations have gone overboard quite a lot. So what I am saying without even touching the subject of the lie, is that there was no reason for you to feel guilty. You have come to believe in your own mind, its what you choose to believe for whatever reasons you have that only you can answer, that not texting him once you had the cell found and plugged in was a really bad thing.As I said before, this happens to plenty of people every day and I can't believe that all those with dead phone have friends or even sweethearts that get angry with them because the phone was dead, worried I can see, but mad...no way.
So you lied to cover up something that wasn't wrong. It wasn't even needed. He is upset as you said simply because you lied about a simple thing and why? Probably a couple reasons, you pick which ones fit: He has an anger problem and always angry over anything. In that case, you should not be choosing to be with someone like that, its bad news. Or you may have a lying problems. Its called a Compulsive Liar. Its a person who lies all the time, even over insignificant things like what they ate for breakfast. Its a bad habit and requires the help of a counselor to break that bad habit as it will only hurt you in life as you continue on. Another possibility, you lied because the relationship is really really new and you haven't had a chance to get to know him well enough to place your trust in him. You have no idea how he would react. Trust isn't instant, it doesn't come with agreeing to go out on a date or become someones girlfriend or vice versa, boyfriend. It takes getting to know a person really well and discover how they handle themselves in certain situations by consistently responding or reacting the same way each time. When its bad reactions, you can't grow trust. If its always good responses, then you can trust. If a person is always all over the place and reacts differently each time, then you will have no confidence in the relationship and always be wondering and confused.
In stating you had not wanted to talk to him, you probably also hurt his feelings. Imagine if he lost his phone, found it, it was dead and you didn't know because you had not tried to call him and then out of the blue he's telling you that you didn't want to talk to him. Would that go over well with you? I don't think so. You are putting a lot of value into how many people call you and how often to feel good about yourself as a person, the more calls, the more wonderful a person you are. I know too many younger people just like that. I know some middle age adults too who believe that the 1,144 friends on facebook are truly their friends. Unless a true face to face friend or relative, all the others are just Acquaintances. An acquaintance is someone you know of due to school, work or where ever, but they are not really a true close friend.
When we are younger, even young adults, we tend to overthink ourselves and feel like there is always something wrong with us or that we don't measure up. I was like that for sure as most young people are. I also did not have any self confidence. I know way older adults who still do not have that but for the most part, we all learn to gain some amount of self confidence by time we're in our 30s. You don't have to apologize to anyone for not having self confidence, its simply a state of being that the majority go through.
So as to what you should do? I don't know the facts about him or who and what you are truly like deep down inside. But you do. If you are with a bf who is demanding and angry with you for no good reason all the time, then you need to decide if you want more of the same treatment or if you will break up and go looking for someone better. The best choice in this case would be find someone better.
If he is not an equal in the relationship (in all things) and doesn't contact you half the time while you do the other half, but demands that you always check in with him, then he had some very bad habits, traits, or it can also be a trait of people with mental health issues and relationships with people with untreated mental health issues is a big reason for break ups. My ex husband had mental illness and other disorders. Again, you decide whether you want to feel like a yo-yo in a relationship with cycles of good and bad and makeup times to only repeat the same over and over, no good only cycles. Or you can break up with him.
If you have faults, hey who doesn't, but friends usually know your faults and care about you despite them. If its so bad that they don't want to be your friend, they'd take off. Honesty is important hon, so whether close friends or bf, they will likely respect you more, even when you make mistakes if you are honest, own up to them. And remember they aren't mind readers, whatever you are thinking, its best to not be embaRrassed thinking the worst of yourself and just let them know what you were thinking. If you had told him that you misplaced your phone and didn't find it until too late and put it on the charger but was distracted and thats why he had not heard from you, that would have been enough. Overthinking and lying will kill a relationship, so obviously things have to change on your part no matter if you stay with him or not. i wish you the best dear and sorry this is long but I truly wanted to give you as much info and thoughts as possible to make a decision as to what you need to do now.
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