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I only want to live and sleep alone, is it possible I'm OCD (long)?
I've lived with a multitude of different people in my life and now I never want to do it again. I've lived with an ex-fiance where we shared an apartment, with a serious boyfriend in his apartment, with both of my parents in their respective apartments. I've lived with a multitude of different roommates through college and I currently live with one roommate. At one time I had my own apartment for three months during summer vacation on campus and it was the best time of my life. I loved it. I also like my current situation because my roommate goes to bed early and we have our own bedrooms and bathrooms and she's fairly clean, but I would still prefer to live alone.
I hate sharing, it makes me angry to see another persons items taking up space in the house (including in the fridge, cabinets, etc.) I want everything to be decorated my way and for the house to be clean and organized at all times. I don't want to worry about walking out of my bedroom in a T-shirt. I don't want to worry about waking somebody up or them waking me up. I want to decorate everything all my own and not have to worry about somebody else putting up decor or bringing in furniture.
I hate sleeping with another person. I don't like their body heat next to mine, that they take up space in my bed, that I can't spread out. I don't like being cuddled/held/touched when I'm trying to sleep. I don't like the idea of somebody else sleeping in my bed and possibly not having showered first. I don't even want people to sit on my bed. Similarly, I don't like people using my shower/bathtub/toilet it's gross to me. I'd prefer they go home and use their own though I understand if it's an emergency.
I also don't like other people's pets. I only like my own. I just automatically see other people's pets as dirty and probably having fleas (which I'm terrified of and will break down and cry if I see one).
Now all of this makes me sound like a very antisocial person right?
Well here's the odd part. Outside of the house, I love being around people. I love to be social, see my friends/family, and go to social events. I do want to be in a relationship, but I don't know that I could ever live with somebody again let alone another man.
I hope that doesn't sound sexist, but I've just noticed men tend to be a little sloppy and have expectations about their living environment that upset me. For example, little things like my ex wanting to put up a tacky painting on the wall or leaving his game controller out used to make me very upset. Another ex was clean and decorated nicely, but I couldn't stand the feeling of somebody coming home at a certain time every day and always having to work around his schedule. I eventually also started to panic about some of his items that would sit around for too long or that I didn't think were flattering.
All of this leads me to wonder if I'm OCD. When I say these things make me upset they don't just make me emotional for a short time, I have full on anxiety attacks about it. I don't see myself ever being in a serious relationship again because I'm not willing to live with a man.
Is this all crazy? What's wrong with me?
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Hi hon. This isn't a pychologists opinion, you've got to get that from a doctor, but my opinion is that no matter what type of disorder, if a person only seems to have it in a few areas of life or just one, then it is not the full blown version of it. So maybe there is some OCD. However, I see nothing wrong with having a set standard of cleanliness or how to store or decorate ones shared living space. In fact that is quite natural. My second husband likes to keep a place clean and organized. He is however not much into decorating. And when it comes to decorating for the seasons or holidays, he could care less personally about a Christmas tree for example. But he does know how much I like it. Instead of going nuts cus I like to decorate, he only has asked that i do not expect him to get into the decorating aspect or be as excited as I am about any precious things I find to decorate with. He will 'tolerate' this, because he knows it makes me happy. He has in fact on some occasions brought me home something unique to decorate for Fall or Christmas because he knows how much I would enjoy it, even though it means little to him. I'd have to call this a bit of give and take or compromising because deep down, we both love each other so much that we want to make the other happy, even if something they do, or they like isn't our cup of tea or at times is aggravating to us. For example, his style of humor or types of music is so vastly different from mine. I can tolerate only so much and maybe be okay with the first 3 songs he plays. After that, he has to use ear buds or head phones as it would drive me on edge same as my choice of music would irritate him. He is also a high functioning Austistic so he can easily be irritated by too much happening at once, though he has learned to control himself so well that others don't know, even family, only me as I live with him but due to his self control, it is not an issue and he lets me know when something i am doing is starting to set him off so i can stop or go to another room. It isn't all the time but a couple times a week it can happen and I will adjust and back off for a while. So I can see both sides of the coin and see where some of what you're dealing with is normal personal choice and see also where there are the things you don't have control over that irritate that make me think of OCD or some other disorder. Don't be hard on yourself, it's not a death sentence for life. But I am betting a Dr. may be able to help as you don't sound like a cut and dried OCD issue. Yes, I feel there are anxieties that may be fueling what you believe to be OCD.
Having a certain standard with your pets in cleanliness is a good thing for your pets and in todays world, I am finding many of the younger generations just don't have the same standard they apply in life as the older generations. It is obvious in manners for one. It is also obvious in how they keep up their house or the detailed care they put into their pets. too many want pets but don't have the money or wish to spend on the necessities for their pet. Its a family member, needing healthy food, bathes, regular Dr.(Vet) checkups same as any human and yet because its not a human, some folks let things slide. While I choose to block those concerns out of my mind, I will not allow someones dog to lick me. I may not even get close enough if it seems to be an abused dog or cat that might bite or scratch and who knows if it's current on shots. I don't think about fleas until I have been bitten by one. Anything that can bite you can possibly carry germs but it isn't alway the case, but houseflies, mosquitos are known germ carriers and I would suppose fleas could too. I know its important to avoid ticks. So all in all, unless you know a person to have the same standards in caring for their pet, I see it as reasonable to choose to avoid them period. then you are not seeming to choose favorites, such as 'Why won't you come near my pet while you enjoy petting Susies cat?"
I do believe that there is room for improvement in what you are dealing with but it will take a drs help. There is a need to compromise too even if you are cured of all disorders and that is something that some people are willing to do and others aren't. If living with someone, each needs to have their own space to do with as they wish and any common areas need to be the ones both compromise on. That or you are attempting to live with someone too different from you.
I do know that there are anxieties that can be helped with medication if you have those concerns but it takes a certain type of Dr. that works more with your thoughts and preconcieved ideas and it is called CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. Its helps cure more people than medication. I used to have severe social anxiety and this method cured me back when I was getting out of high school. It works on all anxieties. So what makes most sense to me is to treat that which can be fixed without medication first, a Dr. focusing on that first. and then seeing where you are at after, and then if there is some OCd or other disorder, then treating that is medication is needed. If it isn't holding you back in all other areas of life, then it isn't severe. You may not require much medication at all, or perhaps, just verbal instructions from a professional on how to deal with the things that bug you when they pop up. a lot of it may be just knowing from a professional what is the best way to think about a situation. I found that most my issues were all caused by distorted thinking and once my thinking was corrected, all my issues went away. I hope the same for you dear.
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First understand that we are not doctors and we cannot give medical advice. That being said from what you have written it you do sound like someone who may suffer some form of OCD or AD/HD. Have you ever asked to be evaluated by a doctor for this? If not I strongly recommend you do so. Both OCD and AD/HD are highly treatable with medication and talk therapy.
Some of what you have written that you cannot live with are not, I'll use the word reasonable for lack of another word. The human animal is designed to have a partner in life. No all of us do but almost all of us want one, have had one and for many reasons lost that partner and do not want to replace the partner. That is not the category you fit in.
To me and many others it doesn't matter if you have a same sex partner or opposite sex partner. What matters is if you are happy. For those in society that think same sex partners are committing a sin against nature I have two words for them, SCREW THEM. They are the ignorant ones. Having a partner in life to share both the good and bad times makes life much easier then being a lone.
You ask are you crazy? My answer is no. You ask what's wrong with me? My answer is you suffer from a social anxiety problem that may or may not be OCD. You will feel much better about yourself if you seek help from your doctor and be treated for what ever is bothering .
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