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My friend keeps attention-seeking!
So I have this long-term friend and we got in contact again recently after a while of not speaking, and he told me he was depressed so I wanted to help, but I can tell that he lies about a lot of things. For example, he told me that he might have Alzheimer's and Dementia and he's only 17! He's said too many things to even name, but his lies are becoming more convincing as though he's trying not to get caught. He says he is depressed but he's OK when I'm OK and unhappy when I'm unhappy, and when something happens to me he'll make up a story about something going on in his life to make his situation sound worse than mine; he'll complain all the time about situations that probably aren't even happening! All his friends have cut him off because he's sent them pictures of his self-harm and saying he was going to kill himself, but I don't want to cut him off, I just want him to stop lying to me and attention-seeking! What should I do?
PS. My social anxiety makes it difficult to confront him because I'm too shy.
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I don't see this situation resolving anytime soon. If a majority of his stories involve health issues and him suspecting he's got all sorts of diseases/medical conditions, he may be hypochondriac. That alone, despite any other possible lies and attention seeking plots, point at the fact that he has distorted thinking. Everyone has distorted thoughts every once in a while but we quickly recognize them for what they are, a bunch of B.S. and we usually drop it. But some people stay focused 24/7 on worst case scenarios, imagining the worst possible outcome. This distorted thinking is also called a Cognitive disorder by professionals. Cognitive disorders can lead to anxieties, while for many depression is caused by deficiancies in much needed, amino acids, minerals and vitamins the brain needs to function properly and not be depressed. Synonyms of the word 'depressed' are many includng the words low or down. I believe that is where the word depression comes from. Because what is actually happening is that for All suffering depression, the levels of the chemicals/neuro transmitters (NT's) our brain needs to function well and also be in positive happy moods can run 'low' or be critically 'down'. Not all causes are genetic, the only situation in my eyes that require medical intervention of prescription drugs. Here is an article for you to help you understand what is going on for your friend.
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What you might do after reading that is see if you can suggest the list of possilbe ingrediants missing in his diet that contribute to causing depression. I do not know anything of his personal and family life growing up but there could be stress from there too if his life situations are really crummy. So read the next link too.
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With all that I have shared, I hope you see that there isn't much you can do to help him if he doesn't recognize that he has a problem or does not believe he needs help or that anything can help. Every person is different so when it comes to treating oneself naturally, some things works on people while it doesn't on others but there is always something that helps. I would recommend his seeing a Psychologist who uses a particular method of working with patients called "CBT". This is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and works first on trying to treat a person by going for the underlying problems, distorted thinking, rather than the band-aid solution to cover up and mask the symptoms of depression. Since he is 17, its close but he is not yet an adult and is he goes to college, he can still be on parents medical coverage. As such, it would seem the more important factor here is what his parents think about whats going on with him? Are they too busy and dysfunctional a family to even notice or does he hide it well from them? I had a daugther who told me in her 20s that she had been depressed since she was a teen. There was no sign of it and I was deeply involved in the lives of my kids and talking with them. They knew there was no subject taboo and that I did not freak out or fly off the handle as some people might. So lots was discussed except that. I know it is awkward but someone might want to check if his parents know and give them some helpful info to check into. I think it would be even more awkward for you as his friend to contact his parents and let them know whats going on. Parents though do want the best for their kids but may listen to another adult before listening to his peers. Does your Mom know whats going on with him? Talk to her. Perhaps she'd be willing to give a heads up to his parents. SO lastly here is a website of Dr. David Burns, a psychologist turned author to educate people that there are ways for most depression patients to be healed. the method isn't new any longer but main stream Psychology still doesnt use it. They would have to search for a Dr. who is trained in CBT. If after that treatment there is no improvement, then lastly, they will still recommend medication. But medicating right away doesnt let a person discover if it could have been cured another way and so many do not like side affects of medications. So heres the site for you to read, maybe your Mom and then if she feels it appropriate to pass on to his parents, either you or Mom could do that. The problem is if the parents don't think he has a problem and he doesnt either and doesn't want to get better. By the way, there is hope for you too cus I used to have social anxiety and no longer do because of the CBT method. There are many for anxieties as well. You might want to read "When Anxiety Bites" by Dr. David Burns which is also listed on this website but I checked out a copy from the library instead of buying. I wanted this info to help others as I was healed back in last year of high school and am now in late fifties.
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Hiya! Dr.D here!
Sometimes its hard for people to make interactions with others. To make friends, and to keep them. Your friend sounds like he has a bad habit of lying though. And your afraid of what will come if you stand up and tell him the truth. But the only way to make him stop, is if you tell him the truth. You must tell him to stop lying. I had a friend and he always lied, said crazy stuff like "my father owns a gaming company I get everything free." and stuff like that. I know he lies. So I sat next to him and said to him:
"I know all of it is a lie. You can either find a way to prove it to me. Or you can stop, and admit. And we can still be friends."
Unfortunately, he didnt own up to his act, and still lies to people to this day. I see him and now he has no friends.
Dont let your friend do the same. Tell him to either say the truth, or dont be friends. Because a true friend does not lie to others to impress them. He has to be himself. Good luck.
-Dr.D
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