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Boyfriend and family serious issues
My boyfriend is 20, we have been together for over a year. Overall the relationship has been good. We do fight a lot but we get over it. Our fights are stupid and nothing big enough for us to break up. We are constantly together, literally. Almost everyday we hang out, hes always hanging in my house, etc. My family likes him very much. Hes nice and attentive, and respectful. I live in a house with my mom, dad, and almost my dads whole family. His brothers, sisters, cousins. All from my dads side. I have in specific a aunt, her name is Mary, in which her husband and her think that they are better than everyone else. They are always mysterious on everything they do, and that goes for her daughter as well, my cousin. On many occasions her husband called my mom to talk shit about my boyfriend and problems hes seen around the family. (My cousin was sexually molested by our uncle when she was 16. He touched her breast, and her bottom parts. )
She is now 25.
My boyfriend didn't really like her because she was always acting annoying, mysterious, or wouldn't want him around whenever she wanted to tell me something.
One night it was my parents, my moms cousin who came to visit, my boyfriend, and I; all drinking in our living room and listening to music enjoying a good time. I heard my cousins were upstairs so I texted them to come down so we can have a good time. My boyfriends not the type to drink, hes a light weight, he barely ever drinks. At around 3AM my cousin, the mysterious one, her name is Laura. She wanted to go get something to eat, since i was the only sober one i drove.Once we got in the car my boyfriend sat in the back, then my cousin Laura got in, and my other cousin sat in the front. I thought it was weird how he sat in the back since he never does. We went to pick up the food and came back home. My boyfriend seemed like he wanted to go he kept insisting lets go lets go, but he ended up not even eating that night. The next day Laura sees me and my boyfriend, she says hi to us. Says hi to him gives him a kiss on the cheek, asks how he was doing and then leaves. That night she told me she needed to talk to me. She then tells me she wouldn't say anything around him and waits for him to leave. It was now 11o clock at night and Then she tells me how in the car on our way home he put his hand on her lap, and as we got closer to the house he started going up. She starts crying and telling me that she would never lie, and that it brought her memories from our uncle. Shes crying, and i'm crying. I'm pissed because he did weird shit like not eat and sit in the back. He was drunk, I remember him telling me he felt very tipsy and didn't want to sit in the front. The next day he had a bad hangover, he kept throwing up. Hes gotten drunk with them on 2 occasions with me not being there because i was on vacation. I don't know what to do. He keeps telling me and swearing that he doesnt remember a thing. He wants to apologize to her, but she doesn't want to see him. I feel like he was really drunk and he fucked up, but from the moment he put his hand on her lap she should have taken it off and not waited for him to go higher. This may sound very misogynist but hes a guy, and all guys try to do the same shit. She told everyone that his hand was on her lap and now everyone hates him. hes not even allowed to be in family parties. My parents tell me that not to worry, they saw he was really drunk as well, and that shes being dramatic. She said hi to him like nothing, even kisses him on the cheek, and then waits a whole day to tell me. When our uncle did this to her, she waited about the same amount of time to say anything and then accused another far uncle of doing the same thing and said he used to do it "years" ago. Shes pissed that im questioning her on why she didn't say anything, she says she was just trying to protect me. I understand he fucked up but he was drunk!!!! and hes willing to face it!! Shes taking it too far, like if he raped her or something. They never liked him to begin with just because he wasn't in college, ( he is licensed). HELP OPINIONS AND THOUGHTS?!
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Honestly this is such a weird situation. I'm sorry your going through this. Yes, you are right that she should have said something in the car like why are you touching me? She needed to stand up for herself and not let it go as far as it did. It also was none of her business so spread this around to your family when it should have been between the two of you. She seems very selfish and very attention seeking. She obviously needs help from a doctor about her past about the whole Uncle thing. The fact that she kissed him on the cheek makes it seem like shes asking for it and going behind your back. Like she is egging him on. Like I wonder if they were looking at each other before you went and got food and had some kid of vibe. I also wonder if she was trying to test his limits. Your boyfriend should have never done the things he said and "I don't remember" is a lie. There was no way he was so hammered he didn't remember touching someone. I think the three of you should all sit down and get it all straight because if you don't nothing will go back the same. As for your family they don't want him around because your cousin made some big thing out of it that she was taken advantage of that makes your boyfriend look like a huge dick. Honestly the problem needs to be addressed weather your cousin likes it or not for everyone's peace and sanity. Good luck
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So Laura says he did it and he says he does not remember. Bases on that evidence I would assume he did.
This is a very serous offence. Being drunk is no excuse. People should still be held responsible for what they do while intoxicated. every adult has the responsibility not drink so much as to lose control. He did not sleep with you cousin but It seems that given the opportunity he would have.
I do not feel that this a grounds to break up but it is grounds for a harsh talking to.
Alcohol generally does not change who you are it just drops your inhibitions.
Keep an eye out, he is showing some red flags
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