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Done with friendships?
So lately I have been so tired of just socialising in general. My friends have told me I have changed, claiming that I have lost the spirit I usually had. This is because of many reasons. One of the main causes is meeting with two girls who are extremely clingy. To the point where they message everyday, and keep messaging if I do not reply. The first clingy girl I have met, I had ended my friendship with her completely, because she would bother me non stop and make me feel like shit when I dont talk to her. The second one is still going on to this day. She claims she needs mental support so I'm there for her as a guy friend. But I am also quite fed up with the responsibility of taking care of her when I shouldn't even have anything to do with it in the first place. That may be the main reason but then I have also lost my two best friends, since they are now going out and I am forced to 5th wheel them which is not a pleasant feeling. Another reason why I'm feeling like this because another friend of mine has shared with me all his problems. He says that I am the only person he actually cares about, but I don't care anymore. However, he is not the only one who randomly opened up to me and shared all their problems. I am a horrible person but for some reason, people see me as trustworthy. I am so done with trying to help everyone with their problems, when I can't even share my own. I also just recently realised I like this girl, but I don't even want to be in a relationship. Sigh. I do not know anymore. I don't know where I was going with this and I am so confused about my situation. I guess the previous personality of mine, a person who cared about EVERYONE, is now leaving me bit by bit everyday. And I'm fighting with all my strength to bring this part of me back. But I can't, I am fighting a losing battle and I know in time, I going to be so fed up with this high school life, I am going to stop caring completely. I need something to revive me back to my previous stage, but I know I've changed already and its too late to try go back. I am lost in this world. I'm done with trying to socialise. It has only affected me in a bad way. I was once someone you could see laughing non stop, and always smiling. Now, you can still see it but no one realises how hard it is, to fake all of this 24/7. Im tired. I need a break. Help.
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I don't think you're done with friendships and socializing for life. YOu are just burnt out, same as any one eventually reaches who has chosen a vocation that puts them in a position of being in service somehow, whether the service is peacekeeping with the police, keeping the health as medical personnel, a psychologist, even cleaning services, etc.
As you stated, you did not choose to be the one people came to for advice, or to lean on for support because they are not strong enough themselves to stand on their own two feet. It doesnt help that your buds are not available to anyone but their girlfriends. That will change in time but doesnt help you right now.
I do think that one reason so many seek you out for help is the fact that your natural self is friendly open personality, outgoing and full of laughter and enjoying life, a positive person who is always smiling. That isn't rare in adults but is actually rare for the majority of teens. You may have it more together than them, but out of fear or awkwardness to go seek help from an adult or professional, instead of their parents, school counselor or other, they turn to the next seemingly person of possible help, you. You did hit the nail on the head.
For a someone who wanted and loved to help others, burn out doesnt come as easily. But for you who didn't even seek such a position among peers, it has happened quite easily but its not too late and not set in stone. You can return to your former self but some things need to change. I would start with making suggestions to your peers as they approach you whether they have asked and talked to their parents about their issues. Parents are the best place to start. If too embarassed or the parents are squeamish or don't care, then next best is an adult relative who knows them well and cares about them. Or they can always go talk to a school counselor and get some helpful info, a listening ear, maybe even wind up with a solution depending how complicated their issues are. IN extreme cases, professional counseling will be suggested by school counselors to that family. Nothing helps perspective for a teen with issues better than volunteer work and yes teens are accepted for that depending on the type of help needed. I've heard from plenty of teens who found when they did volunteer work, it also helped their self confidence besides giving them some purpose in life. You are likely a 'nice' person, meaning you won't turn anyone away, I've done that in the past, and have a hard time saying no, and so people will continue to come to you until your finally get your mind around it, that it is okay and even better to point others in the right direction...for example, such as on advicenators where we direct people to call their Dr. rather than expect us to diagnose their illness. You might also think of mentioning your issues to your parents if you haven't or a school counselor and see what they recommend. It just may be that you need a mentor, someone older than you, an adult, but not the parents. This is kind of the role that big brothers or sisters take with a younger person. Not that you are a child for much longer but perhaps you can find a mentor in a life coach. You need someone who can get to know you better than the people like me at the other end of an advicecolumn. This isn't bad but you really need someone who can 'be there' for you at a time when it seems your buds arent and for all the others who reach out, its what you can do for them, a onek way thing and without people who want your friendship simply for friendship sake, it can get old real quick. I know most all professional help costs. So the best I can think of is perhaps graduates of college who studied counseling and such and mention on an ad board there that you are looking to be of help as experience for them working with you for free as they are starting out. You may get a few who want to try their skills and you never know but they may come to care about you enough that its no longer a customer/provider or patient/professional level relationship. My own husband got someone like that who took an interest in him of all his siblings because he was far beyond his years in intelligence but no one else seemed to understand him, like family and peers. His parents went for marriage counseling and the Dr. wanted to meet and talk with each child once,eventually to see how it might be affecting them.j Thats how that relationship got started. And it was a two way relationship with the husband as a teen presenting the Dr. with fresh new ideas and perspectives of how he saw world and personal issues which helped to enhance the work of the psychologist.
So you might try that but also find many ways to be busy with new hobbies or other outlets that take your mind off others and lack of male friends, and keep you unavailable as you always need to be somewhere, like a sport team, volunteer work, a part time job, etc. It may sound like dodging the problem by avoiding seeing them but its a start on getting you that break you need. You never know but you may find a relative or parent whom if you confide in them could potentially become that mentor you much need right now, not to fix you cus somethings wrong, just to learn better ways to handle what comes your way daily. Good luck!!
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