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humorist-workshop
super shy
So I asked a previous question about being nervous about a presentation for a specific class.
It's not just this class that makes me nervous. Anytime I have to present anything, even if its just to a small group, I get anxious. I had one class that was all people I knew well and got along with, and even there I got anxious when I had to present. When teachers ask me to give answers in class, I can feel my face go hot and my voice diminish to almost nothing. If the teacher asks me to speak louder, my voice kind of cracks and doesn't want to adjust in volume.
Is there anything I can do about this? My mom doesn't really seem to think its a big deal, and its not something I can really bring up with my dad, just due to the nature of our relationship. I have talked to a couple of my best friends about it, and they sympathize but have no advice for me. I am too shy/scared/almost ashamed? to talk to any of my teachers about this, because they all know me as a smart girl who almost always has the answers. I feel like to approach any of them with this issue would be letting them down. I don't know what to do...Is there any way to become less shy?
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Ah, you sound like me when I was in school. I had severe shyness or what is properly called today, 'social anxiety'.
In my last year of HS I was finally so sick and tired of being this way that I was desperate to get over this. Your Mom may think it is something you'll grow out of because lots of teens are anxious about some stuff and suffer with low self esteem and that is true. But what you have mentioned is what I had and Yes....you can overcome it. Social anxiety has nothing to do with affecting how intelligent you are. There are grown ups who have gone their whole life carrying certain fears/phobias, anxieties. So its not something one can grow out of without taking certain steps to get over it.
I used to be so afraid of people just
looking at me, that i wouldn't get up to sharpen my pencil and would try to write with a blunt pencil. Thats bad. SO I know how you feel. I didn't learn how to overcome presentations in school but I had opportunities throughout life to practice not being so frozen and nervous.
I will explain what to do for presentations. There is much more tho for me to share on how to get over shyness in general, being able to approach to speak to others first...I had so great a fear of people that I couldnt do that once upon a time. So hon, if you want that also, write me back and I'll send you that in a second message. Write to me from my column, not the rating/comment site.
The biggest thing that holds you back in presentations is fear. For me, it was a fear of making a mistake, knowing my voice would crack or they could see me shaking, losing my train of thought, stuttering maybe, going beet red, kids teasing or laughing at me, and the best way to get rid of fear is to face it. You will feel uncomfortable as you face your fear and actually 'challenge it' by not waiting for the dreaded event to happen but inviting it to happen. Heres what I mean in example. In a presentation I would start off with admitting how scary it was for me. People can respect honesty and believe me, most classmates, even those who seem outgoing and self assured have all experience a time or two when they have felt embarassed or unsure themselves...most teens will be able to relate and any laughs of theirs are because they are laughing at themselves as they remember their own same experiences, maybe not as bad, but you get the picture. Fear is just a bully which if you face it, will back down and dissappear immediately, leaving you feeling calm enough to continue on. Yes, I know it is hard to take the first step so you have to want to get past this badly enough to do this cus you'll feel you're openiing yourself up for embarassment and ridicule but it doesnt happen because the majority of the battle is in your mind, your thoughts of what can go wrong and those thoughts pull at your emotions, mostly fear.
Heres an example of how to start a presentation: Hi there, I am sure you all know I am Amy and I am very shy and too quiet cus I get scared and too anxious easily. So first, I might get too quiet but i give you permission to let me know I need to speak louder by jabbing a thumbs up to let me know to be louder. Try it now, show me the thumbs up. Wow, I got some thumbs up and I haven't started my presentation yet. I kinda sometimes blush too when I am embarassed, don't worry, it wont affect the words I share. If I get so scared or nervous that I lose my place or my thoughts or want to just quit, you'll know its just because you are an awfully scary looking bunch.....just kidding."
When you can joke at yourself and invite them to participate in the very thing you fear them doing, its like magic, the fear disappears. Humor which this intro is peppered with will make them laugh and this is a good thing, you want to get used to hearing them laughing 'with you' not at you. When you've done this sort of exercise several times, or anytime you find yourself finding awkward, embarassed like talking with your new crush, you tell him at the start that you like him but you're so very nervous, fearing you might act too shy and it would turn him off. Admitting it again gives him the opportunity to build you up and say its okay, he likes you as you are, etc. I hope this helps you and that you're ready to start trying it. Start with practicing with close friends at home and go through the same steps. And write me if you want to hear more. Good luck dear.
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Anxiety is real just ask anyone with claustrophobia which is one of the most common anxieties. They will tell you they know the walls are not closing in on them but they are.
Having an anxiety or phobia is nothing to be ashamed about. Letting that phobia or anxiety control you is wrong, especially when there are so many ways to overcome them.
IF my previous advice was not helpful then you might need professional help to overcome this phobia which by the way is very, very common. It should be overcome now so that when you finish college and go out into the business world it does not hold you back.
I understand your mom does not think it this is a big deal and neither did my mom which is why I had to work so hard to overcome it in the business world. I do not want you to have to do as I have had to do for there is no reason for it.
If mom won't listen to you and you cannot talk to dad then you need to talk with a trusted teacher. The fact that your a good student and have what is called a social anxiety disorder will not be letting them down. A good teacher, one you trust is there to help you succeed. Having anxiety attacks will not allow you to succeed and they will want to help you.
If you don't want to talk to a teacher talk to your guidance counselor or school principal. Another choice would be to talk to your family doctor. Any of these professionals are people mom would I'm sure listen to and take seriously and follow their advice as to how to help you overcome this problem.
Do not do as I did and hide this problem. Talk to someone (an adult) you trust and ask for help. Doing so will make you better and you will be better for doing so.
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