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Feeling down about not being able to have kids
In 2012 I had to have a hysterectomy at the age of 38... I never had children before the surgery so I will never get that chance... My roommate and best friend feels like I should be over this already and that I should feel grateful because... even though she has had 5 children and had to have her tubes tied that she has it worse off... She put it that she was able to have children then just had it snatched away from her due to medical problems and that that is worse than never having had children and having it taken away... I really don't know how to respond to this... She is usually a supportive person so not sure what to make of this.
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I agree with Razhie on this one. Your friend is probably in pain and she isnt the one to turn to right now with a subject of this nature. It sounds like this is probably a sore spot for HER as well and you talking to her about it just reminds her of her problem that shes probably having a hard time getting through right now on her own as it is.
Also NO your friend is wrong for telling you that HER problem is "worse than yours" thats very rude, uncalled for, and if shes not normally like this then shes clearly not speaking with a clear head so just try to brush it off because right now she may not be herself and in a bad state of mind over things. Just because she got it snatched away from her doesnt mean anything cause she still has what most people would consider MORE THAN ENOUGH KIDS lol. so she doesnt have much room to complain here in my mind at least. 5 kids is alot ok. your over here with NONE so maybe if you put it to her in those terms she will snap out of it and remember that she should be grateful for the ones she already has.
Im also thinking if her attitude keeps up like this that it might be best for you to move out. Being around her children might not be good for you right now, and even if you feel like its not its possible that you just dont know it.
Maybe next time she says something so brash you could remind her of these things and that its depressing still and that people dont just get over things like this. Things take time and your feelings arent going to move any faster for someone just because they "told you to" Everyone has to be given the respect of grieving in their own way, and in their own time.
good luck and try to remember that life happens while we're busy making plans! and its not always going to go the way you thought it would but its ok and your life isnt over. Theres plenty of things you can still do to feel fulfilled.
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All you need to make of this, and to recognize that she isn't in a position to give much sympathy or support for this particular issue.
Your friend is in pain. She isn't able to help you with your pain and sorrow on this subject, because she has so much of her own. That doesn't make her a 'bad' friend, but part of being a good friend to her means recognizing that she has a limit when it comes to this subject, and too seek the support and help you need from people other than her.
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No one can understand how you feel if you've never had kids and now find you'll never be able to carry and birth one of your own. Your friend may have thought she was helping to make you feel better and i understand her line of thinking but her situation, while also devastating does not compare on the same level at all. Let it go and don't pick on her, she meant well. too many people who mean well say things that hurt worse but feel if they kept silent and said nothing that that wold actually be worse.
Your 'feeling down' may actually be a form of grieving. We are most familiar with grieving the loss of family or friend to death. Theres also the loss of people who simply decide to cut you out of their life permanently for whatever reason, loss of job and therefore subsequent losses like loss of income, loss of home
and all of those are losses which will cause a person to most likely 'grieve over the loss' and includes as in your case 'the loss of the ability to get pregnant and carry your own child. So the first step may be to seek out a counselor for help with grieving. If a person gets stuck somewhere along the grieving process and never goes through processing all the steps, they will remain stuck at whatever point they stopped and stay there the rest of their life. While you may not feel like you are not in grieving, due to lack of tears or crying or other obvious signs, it may be something you need to go through before you can move on with your life and be ready to look at the real life possibilities of the choice to then remain childless, adopt, become a foster parent, or even just volunteer in children programs as a way for your nuturing abilities to have an outlet. A person who is naturally a nurturing personality would go nuts not having an outlet. Some nurturers also find fullfillment in gardening or in having pets...while definitely not the same as having a child, and not meant to take the place of, it still a good outlet for a persons need to nurture. If you are thinking that by now you are too old to start with adopting in case you find after some time you are ready to embrace that idea, dont brush it off too quickly without checking and researching first the ages of those who adopt or foster children. People who are more financially stable and ready to do so are going to be older having gone after a career first and will have much to offer a child. Good luck to you dear.
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