|
humorist-workshop
Help! My mom won't let me do anything!
My mom wont let me do anything she wont even let me go to my friends house who lives down the street from me and she didnt even lwt me go to the semi formal how do i get her to loosen up.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Babysitting?
I think there may be some information missing here.
Unless she's a person who's lived her entire life with lots of fears, phobias and and untreated anxiety disorder, then there has to be a logical reason why. Have you even asked why? If she asks, 'Because I said so," thats not an answer and she's being evasive or actually has no good reason for holding you back.
A semi formal? Hmm, it makes me guess you are in middle school or high school. these dances have adult chaperones and are a school event and safe to attend. I see no reason for not allowing you to go. generally these are at night and depending on time of year, its generally dark by the end of the dance which means you'd require at least a ride home if not one to the dance also. A parent whose schedule is too busy or doesn't want to be bothered will generally say no for this one reason. I was a parent and caught myself about to say no and realized I was being unfair. Sometimes for things like this, I'd coordinate being the one to either take my daughter and her friends there, if one of the other moms did the delivering back home later.
And that brings me to the first thing you mentioned. Not allowing you to go to a friends house down the street. Either you are grounded for some reason or have broken Moms trust too many times that she doesnt want you out of her sight or its something else. First, be honest, if you have screwed up but have decided to clean up your act, its going to be hard to regain her trust. But it can be done. Own up to your mistakes and ask her under what circumstances she'd allow you to go, how can you rebuild her trust in you. Sometimes its simply seeing that attitude change that will loosen her up.
Now as a parent, I knew of a family 3 doors away where the twins loved to play with my daughter but dad generally worked two jobs and mom was a drug addict who invited other druggie friend over for a drug party and they were either high or sprawled out unconscious. I knew another friend who had a widowed Dad, no mom. Moms and Dads are leery about having their young kids out of sight in the home of someone they dont know because they dont know if you'll witness emotional or physical abuse between family members or worse, a parent has a hidden pedophile problem, or are deviant or perverts somehow or would rape ones child, or are drug users, or some other thing they are trying to protect you from. However to keep a child at home and not allow them to go elsewhere for fear of what could happen, or simply cus you dont know the parents is not the right thing either. Perhaps this could be why you've never been allowed to visit a friend. What I did is when my daughter wanted to go to a friends house, starting in grade school already, I made sure to meet the parents. I am a pretty good judge of character but i ALSO taught my kids what warning signs were not okay with me and to report them. they would not be prevented from seeing their friend the friends could then come to our home but she wouldnt be allowed in theirs.
Often a child would not give mom my note and phone number asking to meet them before my daughter was allowed over. Often I walked with my daughter following her friend home, a kid who insisted mom would be home. We got there, no parent home. the kid says to wait cus mom should be back any minute. I felt awkward being in this persons homes as the time ticked by. Something like 45 mins later, the woman comes home from work and walks in, looks at me, smiles and leaves the room to go to kitchen or elsewhere, without even asking who I am and why I am sitting there on her couch. If she didn't give that much a care about who I was, I certainly was never going to allow my child to go there, only her friend could come to our place. I met lots of parents I liked and many I befriended myself. It just may be that your Mom truly is busy or uses busy-ness as the excuse cus she just doesnt want to be bothered or perhaps she is too shy and introverted to make the first move and ask the other parents to meet them. No parent ever thought it odd I wanted to meet them before my daughter was allowed there. I got to spend extensive time getting to know the single dad too and felt he was safe and daughter never had any inappropriate behavior to tell me about him as I asked occasionally. So if Moms just over protective, perhaps you could call and tell your friends mom of your situation and ask if she'd be willing to meet with your mom so mom can feel better about you spending time there. Give her your home phone or moms cell and ask her to call your mom to set it up as mom is shy. I don't see that Mom should have a problem with that. If all else fails, talk to an aunt perhaps who lives close enough, whom you feel close to and can talk to, let her know honestly what's going on and see if she is willing to talk to your mom. Sometimes a parent is more willing to listen to their sibling or inlaw rather than their child. Its not right but thats how it is. I remember a couple times when my own sister told me 2 daughter approached her with different issues they felt they could not talk to me about because of my narrow minded attitudes on other life issues. Iam glad to say I have changed, and took my sisters words to heart, apologized to my kids and had better communication after that.
I hope all this helps. If you'd been more specific I might not have needed to cover as much as i did.
]
More Questions: |