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New relationship.
20/f, he is 22.
I started seeing this guy about two weeks ago. We work together. He used to be a supervisor of mine until he moved departments. Long story short: My brother's girlfriend told him one night how cute I thought he was and he told her that he thought I was cute as well but for a while, we were just way too shy to talk to each other since we both found that out. Which brings me to yes, I am the girl that wrote the question about writing a note and putting it on his car one day with my number on it. He actually did call me and he even stopped me at my register to finally talk to me for real and we made plans, well he made the plans, to go out to dinner. He paid and got my car door every time, told me how nice I looked in clothes other than our usual work uniform, he was a perfect gentlemen.
A few hours after our date, I texted him that I had a great time and I thanked him again since he paid and was so sweet all night. He said he had a really good time as well and would like to do something again. To which I agreed; and that is set for this Thursday since he's done work early and I'm off.
Now, stick with me. I'm a cashier and he's the supervisor over grocery. But my supervisor (the one over the cashiers) is one of his good friends. My supervisor and I aren't best friends, we don't hang out outside of work or anything but we talk all the time when we both work the same shifts, we have a very jokey relationship. Before I even started seeing this guy, my supervisor knew I thought he was cute and he always said that he'd make it his goal to get his friend to never ask me out. So the other night he told me he wasn't a fan of this guy and I hanging out because he doesn't want me to take him away from him. So I texted him last night that my favorite frozen yogurt place was giving away free frozen yogurt on Friday and he said he would but he had already made plans and Thursday would be best for he and I to go out. I wasn't even necessarily texting him that for us to go together, as I had already had plans to go with other work friends but he took it that way and I understand how but I don't want him to think that I'm one of those girls that has to see the guy they're "dating" every day. Anyway, I joked back with him that it's good to know he sticks to plans so my supervisor can stop sassing me that I'm stealing him from him and he just never answered back but he smiled and said hi to me today at work - I was nervous that text would weird him out but I guess if he said hi to me first then it didn't, I'm told that he just doesn't really like texting.
Moving on, I have another supervisor at work that is above my supervisor but below my manager and she is very strict and stern, I hardly ever see her smile but after our date, she asked him so many questions (his friend - my supervisor) was telling me this and she had asked him "so what, are you guys dating now?" and he answered: "yeah, I guess we kind of are if we keep going out together." So I know that he wants to go out and I know that he likes me.
I guess my question is, after our second date this Thursday, I want to take it upon myself to see what else we can do. He's made plans for both of the dates we had gone on and I want him to know that I'm in this too and that I care to make him happy as well. But if I really don't have any cool plans coming up or anything, I can't really invite him somewhere and I don't want to pull the exact same maneuver as before "hey, I had a really great time, we should do this again" --- no, already done. So, I'm not sure how to go about this. Also, I want to get personal opinions from you guys on: how many dates do you think a couple goes on before they make it official? I want him to ask me and I want it to be known that he and I are boyfriend and girlfriend, I don't want his answer to always be "yeah, I guess we kinda are" so how many times do you believe a couple should go out before it's made official? And how does a girl make the move to ask the guy on their third date? Do guys like when girls make a move? It seems as though that since he's able to speak and not be so shy anymore, he's very dominant in this which I do admire-he always says hi first and always makes the plans, always asks me first when I'm free from work, always leads the conversations, always asks what kind of things I like first. But I want this to keep going so if he doesn't ask for a third date since he feels like he is already doing everything (which I do feel kind of bad about), how do I do it if there's really no eventful way for me to do as such?
Thanks!
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Whoa...lets not put the cart before the horse here.
Since when is it more important to be able to say you are 'officially a couple and dating' over getting to know the person. Depending on what you do on your dates, like going to a movie or eating dinner, it is not going to be 100% talk and it takes a lot of talk to even begin to have a clue if either of you have enough in common to want to continue to be together. The purpose of dating is actually an investigative one. Mere appearance of a person is not enough to have anything in common. Being attracted to someones looks however might be the only thing needed to indulge in lustful urges and have sex, but its nothing more.
It takes quality time spent talking, doing things together to find out who the person is deep down inside. Most don't show their real personality for the first couple months.
So my advice is to not ask him if you two are now official. No no no!!! You both will become official if both of you are looking for a long term partner and after a few months are pretty sure the other is the best match for you.
Sometimes during the dating or hanging out process, people discover things they don't like enough to be with long term or that they find harmful to a relationship, etc...
So, think of ways to find out if you're the creative sort and like crafts and art if he appreaciates that by an invite to go to an art musuem. Lets say you like antiques. Ask him to go along browsing antique stores just for fun and then having a lunch or dinner after. Do you like dancing? Ask him to go dancing with you. Are you the atheletic type? Share what your favorite activities for staying in shape are and work that into a date, like biking together, jogging together, etc. No, these are not fancy dates but you are more likely to get to know him faster and him you too in these ways.
Heres a good example...when I met my 2nd husband on dating site, our actuall 1st meet in person happened to be parking in a grocery parking lot as he drove a delivery truck and this was his break time and before I started an afternoon shift.
We sat in my car and chatted for a half hour. Each of us brought each other something that was important to us. He brought an astrology book with sticky notes marking the pages that describe my character and those describing his and wanted me to read it. I brought him my favorite Tarot deck and its instruction book. That is a good way we confirmed having interest in each others views and things important to them. He took my interpretation booklet home and fixed it with lamination and binding so it no longer fell apart. I read the pieces he gave me and wrote a note of my comments on what I read.
If we didn't have that and other things in common or at least wanting to support the other in what is important to them, it wouldn't work. So give that some thought and I'm sure you'll come up with ideas of what to do. Do you even know his favorite music genre's after one date? Have him over to listen to some examples of your favorite musics, singers and bring some CDs of his own. Order pizza and sit and enjoy music, maybe even dance to, at least have conversations in between, commenting on a group or style of music. Good luck
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