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Can't go on the bus
I have an anxiety disorder, and this year the bus route changed and my ex boyfriend, the girl who hates me and spreads rumors about me, and my old best friend, who my ex left me for, is on the bus. I have a panic attack every time I go on, I can't handle it, I have to ask for rides before and after school everyday (it's a 20 min drive) from my parents and older sister everyday and they are tired of it. I have to pay for the gas money, and I don't even have a job and I'm running out of money. And sometimes when I call my parents to see if anyone can drive me, they get so annoyed and force me to take the bus.
At the beginning of the year I thought my panic attacks would eventually go away, but they never did.
I don't know what to do. I once waited 4 hours to get a ride, then to take the bus I'm so desperate. Does anyone have any advice?
And no the school won't let me switch buses, I asked.
I just can't go on the rest of the school year like this.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Are you keeping your anxiety disorder to yourself or do your parents know about it? The world is a rough place these days and there are more people around me now than when I was younger who have anxiety problems and are seeing a doctor for it. A friend of ours in late 30's take a medicine for anxiety daily. So it's not just a teen thing. I am not a medical professional but I believe some people if they are really sick and tired of living with an anxiety can work through it to over come it and it all has to do with having a normal healthy mind capable of doing so, otherwise Dr. intervention is needed.
I had huge social anxieties when I was grade school thru high school age. It wasn't until my last yr in H.S. that I discovered a way to get over it. We called it being 'shy' back then, but I also was terrified of people talking to me, noticing them staring at me, or noticing them talking about me to others. I had a fear of people. Some were understandable, those who called me 4 eyes, or mutilated my last name into something they joked and made others laugh over, pushing me, and once, a friend stopped talking to me for months without any explanation why which made it uncomfortable to see her at school when she wasn't talking. Luckily a new girl began a friendship up with me and my friend finally came back. But I've have to face all sorts of fears my self.
To some extent, I feel that facing our fears can take the sting out of them, little by little and allow for our self confidence to grow so we get to the point that what others are saying or doing doesn't bother us anymore. Not talking about daily bullying...that should not be tolerated and if thats whats going on, it needs to be brought up to school officials and your parents. But if you are so anxious over what your mind is thinking and believing that others are saying or thinking about you, whether it's true or not, then that's something (if there's no chemical imbalance in your brain) that you should be able to work through to overcome as it has to do with your thoughts which are mostly wild imagination all on the negative side. I am a grandma and the thoughts that still automatically come to mind first are of a negative nature. I have to catch those thoughts and tell myself to stop thinking negative...that there is no fact or truth based to those thoughts that they would ever come true and then I replace them with a few positive, good happy thoughts. I found that running from my fears, which taking another bus in my opinion would be. did not help me get any better. My Dad was a natural extrovert and made friends easily, no anxieties. I wanted to be more like him.
So you can do either what you've been doing but get no better ever in life. Or go see a Dr. to see if there is a medical reason for your anxieties, or at least try first to get over it yourself and if it doesnt work, then finally going to a Dr. A book on how to get over negative thinking is a very good start if you want to work on it yourself. I've had people hate me for no reason. If you know you truly did nothing wrong towards people like these, and yet they continue to act that way, it's likely due to immaturity, mainly the part of brain that helps a person make good decisions and treat others better is not yet done growing, not mature and wont be until the mid 20's or later. Some mature a little faster than others but not by much. So these people who are brats and trouble makers now, can later in their 20's be very nice people. I remember the shock at 10yr reunion of those who were the snotty in crowd who ignored you or teased you had changed and become really nice people by 28 and I actually enjoyed talking to them and them with me, we were now acting as equals. There is hope.
Seeing an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend shouldn't be a problem unless they are bullying you. If they ignore and say nothing, then that's good. Picture yourself before hand seeing these people and if they look at you or say hi to you, you are saying Hi to them and try to collect a certain amount of "Hi's" spoken, or acknowledging their presence for the day, for the week. You don't expect them to be chatty with you, you don't have to say anything else to them. Just because you once interacted with them and don't now doesn't mean you should feel bad in their presence. Sorry this is so long but I've been there and keep coming up with things to share out of my experience. You will find in life, even as you're older, in your 20's and so on, that you will get into relationships and fall out of them and it will depend more at that point on whether or not you really have anything in common with those girls for girlfriends or whether things in common with those guys as a boyfriend or possible life long mate. It's a learning experience hon, so we date a person only for one of us or both to discover we have too many differences and are not a good match. Thats a given in life, we cant be a perfect match for everyone we meet, even social friends but that's how it is. Is doesn't mean something is lacking in you, that you are imperfect in some way, just that the two are not a good match for friendship or more. If you can understand that and hold your head up high and know that possibly, these people on the bus don't actually hate you because they won't associate with you, they without consciously knowing it, just stopping hanging with you probably due to not enjoying the friendship fully because of the two of you not having enough in common. Sometimes it can be due to the immaturity of the other person. Just understand it is them with the problem in that case and that is may not be life long. In time they may grow up to be nice people. So seeing these people shouldn't really terrify you. You are more terrified in your mind I am guessing by the what if's like I was. I was terrified over what I would say if someone who stopped being friendly towards me were to speak to me again. What would they say? Would it be nice or mean, would it make me sad, angry or want to cry or happy? Would they be able to get others to ignore me? And that reminds me, When I changed schools in the 3rd grade, the popular girls all came to talk to me and told me to avoid 'Twila', that something was wrong with her, that she was a terrible person. Now most young kids wanting to make friends might easily fall into this trap and begin to do as they say and ignore the other person for no good reason. I on the other hand had a natural curiousity and suspicious nature due to my astrology signs and went to meet the shunned girl myself. She was in fact my new next door neighbor. I found nothing wrong with her, other than our personalities didn't click as friends and we had nothing in common of interest. But I made that decision myself. Even in HS, lots of teens haven't learned that yet or are too afraid to think and act outside the box of what the peers are doing, afraid to be themselves and choose their own path, not follow someone elses. A kid who is too immature to get to know you for yourself right now, would rather believe in rumours and isn't willing to approach you in friendship on their own, isn't worth spending time with anyways and isn't worth your time worrying over. You wouldn't enjoy a false friendship with them anyways. So no loss there. I know it is important to have some friends though. If you are too shy and have none as of yet, let me know, I can share the steps to overcome shyness which will help in making friends. If you had a friend or two to absorb your attention while on the bus, it would become easier to ignore or think about what the other people you know are thinking, saying or doing. This means, learning how to pick out someone who rides the same bus whom you don't know yet, someone else who also doesn't have a friend on the bus...cus there are many others like yourself who may struggle with anxiety and actually be even worse off than you. If you can find the braveness with in you to reach out and start to talk to and befriend some of the others who are shy or anxious or simply different in some way, like being a nerd, or maybe one of the only few goth's in school, you'll begin to have a circle of real friends and develope some confidence in yourself.
Sorry, I rambled as the thoughts came to me. If you want to go over this more, you can write to me by going to my column and contacting me from there. Good luck and I wish you the best.
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Well I'd just like to start by saying that I feel really sorry for you :(
I don't see why the school wont let you switch buses, I think that that's very unfair...
I can imagine that you have already talked to your parents about this, but maybe if you get them to talk to the school and demand that you get to switch buses, as you have an anxiety disorder the school should have let you switched buses when you asked, but if your parents ask then maybe the school will listen
all I can say is to keep persisting with asking to switch buses, as you have the right to...
I hope things get better :)
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