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Married and want an abortion, but husband doesn't?
Me and my husband weren't planning on having children, and this one just popped in on us even though we were using different types of contraceptives and he would pull out so we would be twice as safe.
We both live with his 3 sisters and his mother in a large city. Only two of his sisters have min.wage jobs, and I help out with almost all of my financial aid I get for going to school. He doesn't have a job and hasn't since he got laid off last year.
Having a baby right now would more than likely keep me from going to school, and I wanted to get the abortion pill,but all of my tests kept coming back negative for three months (tried 4 different times). Now he wants to keep it, and I do not seeing as we really can't afford it and his family drives me crazy most of the time.
I don't know what to do!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Abortion?
Sometimes you could just be under a lot of stress that can Have similar symptoms to being pregnant. I understand the frustration in having a kid. But alot of people who have kids never thought of having kids Have them. Aswell if you did have a child maybe you could take online courses. Also Maybe talking more about the baby would motivate him to work maybe even to moving out of the house into a place you guys can call your own. I know everything isn't that simple. But I do think that through everything that this baby could be and I think it will be a good thing. I hope that you aren't so you won't have to make that choice. I hope that everything will work out for you. Things will get better
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The first thing you need to do is speak to a doctor to confirm your pregnancy, and to get information about the options - including abortion options - in your community.
The second thing you need to do is remind your husband that although he certainly should have an opinion, and you need to know what his thoughts and feelings are on this subject, he also needs to know that in the end, this choice is yours, and you will make the choice you believe is the most resposible and respectful of all parties - including the possible child.
Frankly, in your shoes, I wouldn't agree to go through with this pregnancy. Not only would add a tremendous burden to you (and likely mean the loss of the finacial aid you are recieving as a student, which appears to be the only income you and husband have right now) it would also be an utterly unjust burden to put on the extended family you are living with.
Of course, you do need to consider the effect an abortion may have on your marriage, but I suspect that the risks of bringing a child into this situation are probably far greater than the risks of dissapointing your husband.
Hopefully, you can have a frank discussion with your husband. If he wants his life to move forward, to have children and build a family with you, then he needs to work on this difficult living situation and find some sort of employement. Right now, you giving up your education, that income, and the potiential income after you gradute, just to give him a baby, is a horribly unwise trade off. You deserve better judgement from your husband, and so do your future children.
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First I a bit confused. You say you are pregnant but you also say tests keep coming back negative 4 times. If the home pregnancy test are negative, four times it is fairly accurate that you are not pregnant.
The one thing you did not state is how long between tests you waited. If there is 10 days between any of the tests then the chances of you being pregnant are virtually zero. If you have not had your period there is another reason other than being pregnant for missing your period. I would suggest you make an appointment with your GYN and have a medical test for pregnancy just to settle the question once and for all in your mind and to find out why you have missed your period(s).
Second, the Plan B pill if that is what you are thinking only works best within 48 hours of intercourse but has been known to work for up to 7 days. If you have reason to believe you are pregnant you should be long past this time.
Third and most important. It is your body and yours alone. Even though you are married YOU get to make the decisions as to what YOU do with your body. If and that is a big if you find you are pregnant and less than 27 weeks pregnant, you can seek an abortion. You do not need your husbands permission to do so.
For what it is worth I agree with you now is not the time to bring a child into your world. Your husband is not working. You are in school and financially help to support you mother in-law and her two daughters. Now more than anytime in our history it is important to have a solid educational background to bring to the employment table. A college degree not only means a higher income, it opens the door to employment as a whole. With just a high school diploma more and more people with just this form of education are finding themselves barely getting by holding down two or more minimum wage jobs.
My advice is first: See a Gynecologist and make sure you are pregnant before you make any other decisions regarding an abortion as you probably do not need one. If by chance I am wrong, and I am 99% sure based on what you have written I am not, then if you are comfortable with having an abortion do so. You do not need your husbands permission.
Second: Kick your husband in his backside and tell him to find a job. There are jobs out there to be had. They may not be in his career field and they may be minimum wage or at wages less than he was making. After being out of work this long it is going to be harder and harder to find a job as long as he remains out of work. It is a lot easier to find a job if you are employed.
Third: As soon as you can I advise you to move out of his mothers home and start your own lives as a couple. This is important for the long term survivability of your marriage. You do not need the extra baggage of supporting his family as well as your own. This does not mean you move out and leave them high and dry. You give them plenty of notice that it is your intention to move out and live on your own. This will mean you will not have the money to support them as you have. They will have to make adjustments in their lives. In this way should you have an unexpected pregnancy in the future you will not have to make any choices about whether or not to terminate the pregnancy.
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Well, im not going to try to tell you what to do here because every situation is different.
lets look at this realistically here:
Firstly, do you and your boyfriend feel close enough of a connection to where if you DID have this baby that you would do whatever it took (without the other family members help) to make things work? because if you did, and you were to stay unmarried, you could get welfare, ebt benefits, wic, and medical and low income housing (assuming your in the US) for the child and everything would be covered. if you were to get married it would not and you would both have to find a way to pay for everything for the child and you.
secondly: really think about going thru with the abortion, would you be able to live with yourself if you did get one? some people are ok with it and some people take it really hard even years down the road and have regrets. so thats definitely something to think about it depending on the type of personality you have and weather you think about these kinds of things or not. (((ive known a few women through the years who had gotten one, some much older then i some younger then me and some still remember EVERYTHING about the day they did it and the gender of the baby because they will ask if you wanted to know, some remember when the due date of the baby would have been and some dont even give it a second thought because they are not real overly emotional people)))
So there are some things you need to really look inward and think about and also talk to your boyfriend about. Ask him if he would REALLY feel like he could step up to the plate, get possibly TWO jobs if thats what it takes to help care for this baby and you until you can work too.
thats just SOME of the biggest parts of this to think about here.
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