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Am I ok?..
so I need advice about my boyfriend. He's 21m and I'm 19f. We both have been dating for two years. I love him and like who he is but I have a problem. I don't really think he takes me seriously when I told him to wait on have sex. He's nice and acts like he'll wait but when all of a sudden something seems sexual in the conversation he make it into one not intended to be one and says he was joking about it. He knows that I still get embarrassed about sexual stuff he says to me. Another thing he gets confused about things easily. He irritates me but I keep it to myself because I have no friends sometimes and he proves he's there for me. I feel like I always have to guide him because he doesn't have any idea on how to do many things, I like being there to help him but he has to have mind of his own right?. I feel bad talking like that about him he's nice but his actions speak louder. I need any advice I can get thanks!
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Go back and look at all of the questions that you've asked on this site before. Do you see a pattern? It can be powerful to see all of the words that you've written over the course of several years all at once. It seems like you've been trying to talk yourself out of being with this guy for a long time. Sex has always been an issue with him. Not knowing what you're feeling or if you're really invested in the relationship has been an issue for a long time too. He is not the guy for you. It has never felt right and it never will. You're not compatible. It seems like you're just staying with him because you'd rather be with him than not and because he's "nice". This isn't good for you and it isn't good for him either. It's time to break up with him. The longer you stay with him, the longer you will be away from the guy who is actually right for you. It's going to be a hard thing to do because you've held on for no reason for so long. You can do this. Gather your courage and finally do the right thing.
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At your ages, and after 2 years of dating, it is quite natural for a young couple to become sexual together. I find nothing odd or wrong about him desiring to have sex with you and hinting at it often. Most couples who meet and date don't wait that long to have sex so there must be a reason you don't want to.
I can only think of two. One being that you come from a religious upbringing that believes sex must wait until marriage and you plan to wait until marriage for sex. If this is the case and this boy is unaware of your beliefs, you better let him know so he can decide if you're the one he is going to marry someday or whether you two need to part ways. His hinting at and bringing up the topic and your attempts to avoid the topic means you're just spinning wheels, going no where in the relationship.
The second reason for not wanting to become sexual is due to extreme fears of the unknown. A person becoming a sexual creature is a new area, not yet explored. And most fears can't be shaken unless a person attains knowledge. With becoming informed, reading all one can about the physiology of both male and female bodies and how orgasms are reached, the wonders of how an egg and sperm unite and the whole process from conception to birth...there is so much knowledge to be had. Once you know, there shouldn't be any fear. A problem with lack of knowledge these days is due to no sex education in schools anymore or a very poor version of it.
Unless you want to grow to be an old maid and die one day with never having married and having kids, you will have to get over your fears and learn to enjoy sex. It can be enjoyed if with the right person, Otherwise, without chemistry there will be no desire to want to have sex or become sexual with someone.
So if you have no desire to have sex with him, why are you with him...you need to ask yourself that. A great fear over having sex, should be able to be faced If you have complete trust in the man you're with and have great love and also have chemistry with him. You should be able to tell that from kissing him.
One last thing: A guy who brings up sex alot, if he was wanting to get into a girls pants only and didn't care about her, he certainly wouldn't wait around for two years to get his jollies. He'd be long gone. So he must seriously be into you as a person to hang around. Two people can be sexually incompatible having different libidos. One very low and one very high. ONe wants sex often, the other can get by with very little and prefers that. A relationship or marriage like that won't last because at some point frustration builds for one or both due to non compatibility in that area and they split up. So you have some serious thinking to do and introspective looking at whats going on inside you.
Your other concern is him being 'confused' often? I cant begin to guess what that is about. Is he on Dr prescribed prescriptions where he may be getting too much or ones that conflict each other causing his mind to be muddled a lot? Thats one explanation and would require going to see a Dr. telling him whats wrong and getting medications looked at and changed. There could be dozens or reasons. You didn't give a scenerio/situation with details as to what is happening when you witness this confusion. I know someone who acts confused and he is A.D.D. I can tell you one thing though, keeping your frustrations bottled up and hidden are not the answer. Bring up your concerns with him as to what you are seeing. If you love him, and it is something that can be fixed by a doctor, wouldn't you want to see that happen?
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