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Divorced parents, dad having baby with new wife.
Well when my mom and dad were married, they adopted 4 kids, myself, my younger brother, my older brother, and my older sister.
We arent blood related, all different, but from the same country.
Anyways, they were married for like 22 years and then they got divorced, I'm 16 now.
They got divorced when I was too little to understand, but as I got older I did go through the 'every other weekend' at my dads house, and on 'wednesdays' where i would visit with my younger brother.
Well my dad got married again,
then he got divorced,
and then he got married again to a women named *jane
And currently he's married to her right now.
See my dads like 52, and his wife is in her mid fortys I guess. I'm not sure.
But recently we found out that they are expecting a baby. My mom said it didnt really bug her anymore, but today during church, she just started balling and left the service, it was about mothers day.
She said it was because she doesnt think its fair we didnt have a dad growing up really, and now he's going to devote so much time a new baby. I understand that, and I feel really bad for her. But I really dont think I need a father, my dad and I never really had a relationhip, a good one, and he has been verbally abusive and sometimes physically but not horribly, and I think that is the cause why I have such resentment towards "men" I dont like my friends dads, because they make me uncomfortable.. but thats not the point, I cant deal with that problem right now.
What am I supposed to do about this,
I mean how am I supposed to feel?
I honestly dont care, my dad hasnt fully come out to me and told me that they are having a baby, but he already told my older sibblings,
and they told me.
He wont flat out tell me and my younger brother yet, he said that he has good news to tell us but wants to tell us with *jane. I already know what it will be. His whole spiel that he told my older sibblings.. "i love you, and even if i hav e ababy it wont change anything... i wont love it more than i love you... ' blah blah, frankly I dont care if he did.
Its not a big deal to me.
I dont know, if I'm asking for a specific question, its just my whole life has been "this" kind of complicated. Having divorced parents, and just the little things that happened, the things that you cant just explain to people on the internet, you know, I'm jsut confused, and I dont know what at all to think.
But PLEASE dont tell me I shoudl accept the baby and everything, I dont want to be part of its life.
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Hey. Boy you are one tough kid you have been tnrough so much and its really cool that you and your mom are so close. I can easily see how it bothers your mom and could make you mad about the baby. But in reality, the baby is only going to be your half brother or sister and if you want to get real technical, not even related at all since you were adopted. Your 16 which isn't necessarily an adult but close enough. You are old enough to make your own decisions and your parents should respect whether you choose to become a part of the babies life or not. Although I know it isn't so much the baby as the idea of him having a baby, but I don't think you should decide to not be around the baby. The innocent child has no idea what he or she is being born into and it would be pretty cool for him or her to have an older sibling they could trust and come to (even though they will have others) but to answer your initial question, its ok that it doesn't bother you so much. Maybe eventually it will or maybe it won't. Everyone handles things differently and this is just your way of dealing. Good luck and if you need anything else please feel free to leave one in my inbox. Good luck ♥ fabulous
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Okay, so what I understand is that you're sad for your Mom, but you've come to terms with your father's lack of consistent parenting (or possibly consistent lack of parenting). You've dealt with his apparent inability to commit to a family and have come to the point where you just don't care what happens with his romantic life or his new family.
I'm sorry your mom is having a bit of a hard time with it, but she will have to come to terms with it in her own way and time. There is, of course, a lot of stuff for her to deal with. Mother's Day is a very vulnerable day for mothers who are grieving the loss of a parent, child, or a partner because we're reminded of how things could have been different. Probably tomorrow she'll be back to her normal self and coping better.
I don't think you need to feel any way other than how you feel! You aren't in denial about what your father has contributed to your life or what he has lacked. The only thing I think you might want to consider is that your new sibling may at some point want to know you. You may wish to keep yourself open to the possibility that you will want to know your brother or sister for his or her sake or for yours and not for your father's. It's possible that you won't, but I hope you'll keep the options open.
I think you should smile, say congratulations to your father and his wife, and listen to your father say how he'll still love you the same, knowing that even if he doesn't, it's not that big a difference in your estimation. If it doesn't feel like a big deal, don't force it. And if you feel differently later on, then you can deal with it at that point.
I hope I have helped.
Sabine
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I certainly wouldn't say you should accept the baby. You don't have to accept anything if you don't want to. It sounds like you want to really be there for your mom and that's awesome... if this is hard on her, having your support is very important. For your dad to automatically assume that you'll see this as "good news" tells me that he's out of touch, and if you want to tell him that I think you have the right to.
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Is it possible you could live with your mom?
xoxo
that may help you. and you could visit your dad too.
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