Member Since: January 3, 2008
Answers: 2
Last Update: July 25, 2008
Visitors: 621
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problems with my brother and its not just sibling rivalry.
moms at home sick. when i left with kat,my best friend, i called my brother to see where he was after school cause he was my ride home. his phone was being retarted and hung up on me after 3 seconds. and so i called back and it went straight to voicemail. w/e. kept walking with kat and eventually ran into him. he began yelling at me asking what the hell i was doing and why i called him. he made me wait on him in the bathroom. after, i followed him and a group of his friends into a classroom where they sat and took out their cards. (magic the gathering) i called mom to tell her. cause shes at home sick. and he wants to play cards? does he have no respect for anyone? she told me to have him call her and so i went back in the room and told him (obviously) to call her. "mom wants you to call her" he pretty much mocked me in front of all of his friends. so i decided to leave. i went out in the hall and watched kat practice hip-hop. several minutes went by and he finally came out of the room and we left.
he is always telling me that he hates having to drive me around. he hurts my feelings all the time telling me that im fat and shit. my family is slowly falling apart. and worse. his girlfriend says to me that he would be better off without me. that im the cause of all of his problems.
ontop of that im having friend problems and ex-bf problems. i fell in love and he moved away. my family is pretty much fucked up. dads a cop and a pastor and mom works at my school. my parents make my life hell and my brother would choose fucking cards over me. i just wish that everything was better. i hate living here with my family. was going to get myself taken by the department of children and families because when dad snaps, he goes crazy. punching, kicking... i feel like i have noone to talk to and that noone cares or understands me.
and idk what to do. cause its all building up inside of me and i know one day im gonna explode. (link)
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Hi. It's about a year and a half since you posted this question, but I'm certain things haven't changed much in essence.I hope you come back and read this, although the news isn't all good.
The problems between you and your brother are secondary to the main problem in your family. When all the children in a family are expressing dissatisfaction, you're right, it's not sibling rivalry any more.
The underlying problem in your family has to do with your parents' emotional absence. Unfortunately, your parents are paying too much attention to extracirricular activities, that is activities that have to do with stuff outside the family. When this is the case, and there is not enough parenting being done and not enough emotional input from the adults toward the children in a family, the result is a syndrome I call "Not Enough Love To Go Around", after the Beatles' song. In your case, both of you children in the family are upset, unhappy, depressed and angry. Your brother then, is in the same boat as yourself, so you cannot expect to go to him for help. He needs emotional help and support himself as much as you do.
The only ones you can turn to are your parents. Try your best to solicit their interest, but failing that, you need to come to terms with their disinterest, and your sadness over this "loss". (This loss refers the potential love you would have had if they were capable of satisfying your need for love, affection and caring from your parents.) You may want to go to a therapist for help and support, or simple be able to console yourself, or possibly distract yourself by finding your own sources of gratification and satisfaction in life. Best of luck.
Dr. Vera Rabie-Azoory
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and constantly compares you to another sibling, calls u stupid, fat, ugly (about every time she sees me)....like, everytime theres a TV ad for a skincare line or something she says, 'you should get that!' (cause i don't have such great skin) every 5 seconds ...she loves it.
always talking to me and staring at my acne and/or saying, "what is happening to your face?!". and shes always like, you look so ugly right now!
or she even tells me to shut up randomly, sometimes even wanting to get violent....or 'why don't you get your eyebrows done? (ur (my) sister) is so much prettier, why can't you look like her', etc.....'ur so dark (wtf?) and ugly'
she is bipolar, for real. i can't take it anymore.
she is so comforting to hug sometimes and talk to when I'm low or when my dad gives me stress (he is a resume/checklist, 'did u finish this, did you finish that'' type of dad!) not a great combo. But it's so weird because she gets into a nasty behavior randomly.
for example...i have concentration problems (add) and my dad helps me focus sometimes to do my schoolwork (i take medication, i'm 17)....and my mom imitates me and is like, "I'm so stupid, I'm going to just use my dad, he can do all my work for me, and mom cooks so I can use her too."
it's hard and really annoying because she digs into some of my deepest insecurities and just full on insults me. my sister doesn't talk to her anymore. but its harder for me because i still live in this house.
its lonely as ever, especially because as of now I don't have many friends since I moved and am going to a new school this fall. =/! (link)
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Hi. I'm a doctor of psychology who has written a book about sibling rivalry and favoritism. I have a website too.
Unfortunately if a parent doesn't like you, there can be a few reasons. One may be that you are the favorite of the other parent, and this one is jealous of you. In that case you should acknowledge your privileged position with the loving parent TO YOURSELF, but NEVER share it with anyone else in the family. Just be happy you are in the favored position with your other parent, and leave well enough alone. If you talk about it, I promise it will only make matters worse. On a personal level, you then have to mourn the loss of hope of your mother ever loving you the way you would like, and learn to accept that this will never change.
If you are actually disfavored by both of your parents and have nowhere in your family to turn to for love, this is a very sad situation. You face the difficult task of having to part with the hope that you will ever derive any emotional satisfaction from your family members. It is again a process of mourning that you must go through, with the knowledge that things will never really change and you will have to face your life alone. However, this is not usually the case for most kids. There is most often somewhere to turn to for love in the family, even if it is a grandparent, cousin, uncle, aunt, grandmother, etc. Just try to find alternate sources of support in your life and accept your mother as she is.
Dr. Vera Rabie-Azoory
The other
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