Member Since: July 6, 2020
Answers: 1
Last Update: September 25, 2022
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MaxwellsSilverHammer
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I’ve been dating the sweetest most amazing guy ever for about a year and I am so in love with him. But the more I get to know his family the more I realize that they are taking complete advantage of his kindness and it’s becoming a problem in his life.
He works hard already in a demanding job and he is supporting both his sisters in one way or another, whether with money or medical issues, or other things. It’s like he is the parent. Although both his parents are still in the picture too, it’s not like he had to step up because there is no one. One of his sisters is a full fledged adult about to turn 30 and she doesn’t even drive or have a job. She expects him to pay for her whenever and always wants to go to the most expensive places and he often will make it happen.
Neither of us are pretentious or care about fancy things but his sisters are. He is constantly doing everything for them and it’s stressful for him as he has admitted himself but he says it’s family so he can’t say no.
I want to be supportive because of course family is important, and it’s not like I don’t like his family. But often they are not even appreciative of everything he does, it’s just expected. And he often breaks down saying the weight of the world is on his shoulders but I cannot push him to set up boundaries because I feel like it’s just not my place. I am being supportive listening to him how hard it is but I’m reaching my limit on not pointing out that he is letting this situation be his downfall. He needs to be more selfish but it’s just not in his nature. It wouldn’t be an issue if he was fine and not stressed and able to handle it but I see how badly this all is affecting him and it’s making me mad.
I don’t really know what my question is, it’s a delicate issue. I guess does anyone have any advice on how to handle this type of situation? I don’t want to upset him by saying anything about his family but I don’t know if it’s right to keep letting this go on while it’s clearly hurting him. He’s had multiple breakdowns and he is not doing well emotionally with all the stress.
Thanks for reading. (link)
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This is really tough to hear, I would hate to watch the man i love suffer like this. But unless he’s asked you for help, I’d stay out of it completely if I were you. He has told you how he feels about it; it’s family so he can’t say no. A lot of the time us as women hear or see our man’s problems and we want to jump into action and fix it because we love them but that’s not what they really need. It’s emasculating. They really just need support. Let him be a man and handle it. If he’s having breakdowns, he’s probably close to having a breakthrough. A man in his life will be able to talk some sense into him, not you as his woman. Unless he directly asks you for help, i would suggest you leave it to him.
I want you to watch this lovely lady on YouTube. Her name is Adrienne Everheart. She talks about things like this. Masculinity is more fragile than you think. I was trying to find a video where she talks about this but I’m sure if you watch a couple of videos you will get the gist. She has changed my life. Have fun :)
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